Will-Steacy

anonymous asked:

Hi! Blast from the past, do you happen to still recall the steak prep recipe(with the brine and newspaper) you made in a LRR video ages upon ages ago? I really enjoyed it a few years back-and as my three year run of vegetarianism is coming to a close I figured I'd pull it out again. The video looks like it's no longer up. Thanks for all you do. <3

Transcribed Verbatim by Alex Steacy From The Von Hoffman Bros’ “Big
Damn Book Of Sheer Manliness”
-Please distribute and enjoy!

Macon’s Politically Incorrect Salt Steak

This recipe involves more than a modicum of showmanship and is
guaranteed to command the attention of your guests. For maximum
effect, have them scrub up and get involved with the preparation.

But first, a word about your dinner guests. If your friends are the
type who stew over the sodium content of their Diet Cokes, who cringe
at the fat content in a Caesar salad, who fret knowing that their
Bordeaux contains sulfites, who wouldn’t dream of using real butter on
a baked potato, who use ground turkey when making a batch of chili…
If this describes your peer group, then the first order of business is
to go out and cultivate a more lively set of friends!

When you succeed in Befriending that gang who savors a good single
malt before dinner, accompanied by a generous portion of cheese,
followed by a sumptuous repast dripping with rich sauces and a variety
of wines, topped off with a good cigar and a snifter of cognac… now
you’re ready to pull out the salt steak! (Contrary to popular belief,
your new friends may have a greater life expectancy because they spend
much less time worrying about chicken shit.)

INGREDIENTS:

1 Large sirloin steak, 1-½ to 2 inches thick (porterhouse is also
nice!); the larger the piece of meat, the better, as it decreases the
salty outside to tasty inside ratio

6 sheets of newspaper, no color print (we prefer the Wall Street Journal)

1 Large bowl of kosher rock salt

1 Jar whole pepper corns

2 Jars Lawry’s lemon pepper

1 Bottle Worcestershire sauce

1 Jar of Grey Poupon mustard

1 roll of masking tape

10-pound  bag of Kingsford charcoal

Start by laying your fire. The biggest risk is not using enough
charcoal (more on this later). Your charcoal bed should be at least 6
inches thick (leave the grill off after you light the fire).

After you’ve got the fire started (and you’ve replenished your
favourite beverage), mix the spices (rock salt, pepper corns and lemon
pepper) together in a big bowl. Lay the six sheets of newspaper open,
and plunk that hunk of beef down in the middle o it. Open the jar of
mustard, and slather one side of the meat with a ¼-inch-thick layer
of it [1] (your friend’s eyebrows should raise perceptibly at this
point).

Next, grab several handfuls of the spice mixture, and plaster it to
the mustard. You should have enough spice on there so that you won’t
get any mustard on your hands. Then dump enough Worcestershire on
there to color the whole thing brown. [2] Carefully turn the steak
over and repeat on the opposite side.

When you’ve finished making a mess of this beautiful piece of meat,
wrap it up in the paper, and secure with masking tape [3] (try to
cover as little area as possible with the tape-think of the ribbon on
a Xmas present). When the bundle’s secured, immerse the whole thing in
your bucket of water [4]-your guests should be howling by now!

Replenish your drink, and tell a few dirty jokes while you wait for
the fire to reach its peak. Let the bundle soak.

When the fire has reached its zenith-and your Weber is about to
melt-pull the soggy package from the bucket, squeeze out the excess
water, and throw it directly on the coals (pray that the fire does not
go out!)

Depending upon the size-of-fire to size-of-bundle ratio, allow about
10 minutes on each side. The paper should dry out, and be on the verge
of catching fire.

When the bundle is looking good and charred, [5] rescue it from the
fire, and (using your now-empty bucket) remove the paper and scrape
all the mustard and spices off the meat. The steak at this point has
been partially steam cooked, and will have a sickly white appearance

Put the grill back on your kettle, and brown the steak for 3-5 minutes
per side. When it looks like an edible piece of beef again, [6] slice
into ¼-inch-thick strips and serve. If you’ve done it right, the
steam from the newspaper has traveled through the spice layer and
impregnated the meat with flavour while retaining the juices-a
marvellous little example of applied physics.

Be careful not to overcook it though-there'as a fine line between a perfectly seasoned piece of meat and a salt lick. Good luck!