This is the dumbest, funniest thing I’ve seen in a while.


Key & Peele knocked it out of the park with this one. Feminist pirates singing a sea shanty about the women they’ve known in their travels. Just the song would be enough, but the costumes and production design… K&P have always been great about stuff like that, but this looks better than the last Jack Sparrow movie.

You can (and should) watch the whole thing here, but I went ahead and wrote out the lyrics.

I once met a lass so fine
She was drunk on barley wine
I’d been to sea for a month or three
I knew I could make her mine
When the lass was past consent
So it was off with her we went
And we threw her in bed
And rested her head
Then we left ‘cause that’s what gentlemen do.

A woman has a right to a drink or two
Without worrying about what you will do
We say yo ho, but we don’t say ho
'Cause ho is disrespectful, yo.

There once was a girl from Leeds
Who I heard was good on her knees
So I docked my ship for an overnight trip
To take care of all of my needs
She was fine as the tales did tell
And my mast began to swell
So I laid her down
And raised her gown
And performed cunnilingus for an hour or so.

Always take care of your lady fair
Cause they deserve as much attention down there
We say yo ho, but we don’t say ho
'Cause ho is disrespectful, yo.

I once had a woman so fair
Whose womb contained my heir
With a son by my side
The seas we’d ride
The child she would bear
But my girl, she was no fool
She was working her way through school
So I did support
When she chose to abort
Because it’s her body and therefore her choice.

No, we don’t say booty, 'less we’re talking about gold
We don’t look at chests, 'less it’s treasure holds
With a hat and a feather and a cutlass on our hip
We’ll never say 'she’ when we’re talking 'bout a ship
We don’t say bitch
And we don’t say whore
'Cause that language leads to things like body dysmorphia.

There was a lady with a golden eye
And the doctor said she would die
So she emptied her purse to lift her curse
And prayed to stay alive
She awoke the very next day
And in her grave she lay
But the scariest part
Of the story from the start
Is I bet you assumed the doctor was a man.

Women are doctors, too
And for a fraction of the dubloons
We say yo ho, but we don’t say ho
'Cause ho is disrespectful, yo.

There was a slut with tits to here
And an ass to– (singer is shot by pirate queen)

'Cause it’s yo ho
But we don’t say ho
'Cause ho is disrespectful, yo!