i still remember her, you know?

my grandmother, that is. a woman who loved to play shop with me, to feed me her twist on new york style cheesecake, who loved to gift me with dolls from poland and the odd teddy bear or two. i remember her warmth, the slightly shrill voice, the woolen clothes and those brown loafers that she loved so much.

but i also remember how i’d catch a version of her that i wasn’t used to - a woman who looked much older, with ghost-white knuckles, and a hardened face that was far too solemn for someone who gave and gave and gave - for someone who deserved so much more than what she was given. i remember how that version of grandma would speak, too. in a hushed voice, speaking in the mousiest of whispers, as if she were a teenager again, trying not to make a peep as she hid with her whole family under the floorboards of a family friend’s home.

i also remember the tears. how they’d just… appear, from nowhere. sometimes they’d just start falling from her face mid-sentence, other times it was when she was looking forlornly out of the large window in the living room that i’d drawn on as a toddler. they were not the same tears she shed as a teenager, after watching her mother be taken away by men who embodied and reveled in pure evil. they were cracks in the wall that my grandmother had built.

then there were those days where i’d catch her looking at her arm, and the faded numbers that had overstayed their welcome there. it was like black paint on a white canvas only that canvas was a person and that paint had not been spilled accidentally, but tattooed into the arm of a young girl who had lost everything but her humanity - something the man who gave her the tattoo never had.

but worst of all, i remember how she’d frantically run about the kitchen to make me a meal when she learned i hadn’t eaten for a day. i asked her why.

“because, bubula, i know what hunger feels like.” she replied. i didnt quite understand the depth of that back then.

like how i didn’t understand the tremor in her hand when we walked past a group of teenage boys who made a hitler joke. how i didnt understand why she had to pull over on the side of the road to sob when she heard that a fellow holocaust survivor had died on the radio. 

my grandmother was a fighter and a survivor and she was a woman who was strong as steel and as sweet as honey-dew. she was a woman who gave and gave and gave, a woman who deserved all the stars in the sky and pearls in the sea.

my grandmother was ripped from the arms of her family, she thrown into the deepest pit of hell, and she survived the flames. because my grandmother was a survivor of the holocaust.

never forget.

I haven’t met someone that makes me feel complete. I should scratch that. When you enter a relationship you should already be complete. That being said, I haven’t met someone who adds value to my life. Perhaps, I am narcissistic in thinking that I’m too good for anyone. The fact of the matter is that fought hard to become who I am today. I thought hard to love myself. I was a flower who wanted to bloom, but people mercilessly stepped over me. I had to learn to forgive and love. Eventually, I became whole.
But, I have yet to meet that person who makes my sparks go off. Who tickles my fancy. Who challenges me in ways that I never been challenged. Who pushes the barriers of what can be done. You see, I’m a crazy dreamer. I want to push boundaries. I can’t have someone who is safe. Conventional. I need someone to who is able to look at a blank white canvas with me and see grounds emerge, streams of rivers and oceans.
—  flawedconqueror 

literature aesthetics:
                 the night circus (2011)

“The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.”  [x]


Aries: New years midnight. Fireworks go off and music plays. Everyone is kissing and drinking champagne. Pulling your coat tighter to you and bracing the cold. Eyes glitter and hands shiver

Taurus: Arizona, dry and barren. Sitting atop a cliff and watching an orange drenched sky set over a green and beige land. Standing up and screaming in an empty void. No one hears you but you feel good

Gemini: A birthday party at an amusement park. The anticipation you feel while waiting in line to ride the biggest ride at the park. Eating churros and birthday cake ice cream till you throw up

Cancer: Late night movies and pizza. Building blanket forts and crawling under with pillows and food. Cuddling and burrowing your face in the nape of your s/o neck. Staying up and talking and laughing long after the movie ends

Leo: The feeling of the ocean on a hot summer day. Picnic-ing on the hot sand surrounded by friends. Walking along the beach at sunset. Singing iconic songs around a fire and staying up way past midnight

Virgo: Walking the streets of a rainy city. Taking cover under a tarp. The warm you feel when you walk into an aesthetic coffee shop. The sip of coffee. Curling up on the couch and reading a good book

Libra: Hiking in the woods. Deep breaths you take to push yourself forward. Motivating others to keep going. Hearing the sound of the waterfall in the distance. Crisp water. The cool wind against your neck when you reach the top

Scorpio: The neon lights of Vegas. The electricity in your blood from the excitement of the city and its’ people. Stuffing yourself at an over priced buffet. Viewing the city from a skyscraper. Hearing muffled honking and screams from below

Sagittarius: Keeping a journal in your bag. Crossing off things from your bucket list. Bungee jumping in a foreign country. Trying new foods and cringing at the smell of it. Starting over. Creating a new persona in a new place

Capricorn: Art museums. Interpreting a piece from your point of view. Driving home in wonder. Being inspired to create your own art. Splashing red on a white canvas and calling it “abstract art”. Dreaming of being a millionaire

Aquarius: Making eye contact with someone from across the room and not looking away. Looking down at the ground and blushing. Time stopping. There’s only the two of you, everything goes dark. Your future flashing before you

Pisces: Pointing to a random place on a map and traveling there. Taking so many pictures that your camera becomes a part of you. Wearing aesthetic clothes. Looking at little cakes in a cute cafe. Eating ice cream by the pier

is this old news or is no one talking about the reddit place thing

reddit has a white canvas that any user can place one color pixel per 5/10 minutes

there’s currently negotiation fucking treaties between corners and patterns (which by the way have their own subreddits)
and official allies/enemies and propaganda and cults

theres a dude pixeling a marriage proposal, the fucking blue corner has taken over everything (but lost in a battle with purple for the top left corner) there’s intense strategy regarding the rainbow, people trying to make a black border around the whole thing, the center is a void of white 

there is also whatever the fuck this is

im terrified of it but it seems allied with the trans flag so i can trust it for now

Stim Toy Package giveaway

Summer is heating up here in the northern hemisphere so we’re giving away 2 summer themed stim toy packages this week. 

To enter, reblog and share a little something about the sensory challenges of coping with weather. Got a tip for coping with extreme heat/humidity? A strategy for adjusting to seasonal changes? A system for figuring out how to dress for comfort on a crummy day? Need help with a specific sensory issue related to the weather? Just wish it was fall already and you could wear your favorite sweater? Tell us about all the things!

On Thursday July 13th at noon ET I’ll randomly draw two winners, one for the cool colors stim toy package and one for the warm colors stim toy package shown below. 

Cool Colors Stim Toy Package

Photo description: A collection of stim toys. From top, there is a small off-white canvas zipper bag with a repeating pattern of green cacti; a plastic bead lanyard with varying colors of medium blue beads; a black flower blossom chewable silicone pendant on a black cord; a small clear plastic vial with a silver color top, filled with blue lavender scented salts hanging on a black cord; a small bumblebee made of yellow and black beads with silver beaded wings; and a medium blue lotus shaped chewable silicone pendant on a black cord.

Warm Colors Stim Toy Package

Photo description: A collection of stim toys. From top, there is a pumpkin orange flower blossom chewable silicone pendant on a black cord; a dark red mushroom shaped chewable silicone pendant on a black cord; a rectangular wet bag folded in half that is light pink with a white zipper and various pink, orange, red and yellow colored flowers, butterflies and birds printed on it; a sparkly pastel rainbow color sand filled butterfly; a rubber caterpillar on a keyring with 5 neon colored round spiky body sections and a painted on face; a white plush rabbit finger puppet.

Rules summary:

  1. Enter by reblogging and sharing something about the sensory challenges related to weather of any sort. 
  2. Two winners (1 for each package) will be randomly drawn after the giveaway closes on Thursday July 13th at noon ET. 
  3. Open to entrants worldwide.
  4. Winner must have an open ask box or other way for me to contact them on tumblr and be willing to give a mailing name/address to receive their items at. 
Art Therapy

Request: I was wondering if you would write something were the reader and Bucky fell in love, but Natasha was really horrible and told the reader to stay away from Bucky, Bucky doesn’t understand why


Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader [Enhanced]

Word Count: 6,658

Bucky lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep most nights. The rare times when he could, his mind was plagued with nightmares. The doctors in Wakanda had assured him that it was perfectly normal. His psychiatrist at the Avengers compound told him that the therapy would help with it. He even had a prescription for sleeping pills after he mentioned his insomnia. But Bucky didn’t like taking them, the feeling of something making his mind hazy was too close to how he used to be while under Hydra’s control.

Keep reading

Jealousy (3) Masterlist

part one, part two

And If Anyone Asks, You’re My Best Friend (ao3) - princest

Summary: In which Phil gets a girlfriend, Dan is jealous, then Phil is sexually frustrated, so Dan gets him off.

Black And Blue - waffletrashcrap

Summary: Dan drags Phil to a nightclub where Phil somehow loses him. He is bought a drink by a stranger and a very drunk Dan let’s him know who Phil really belongs to…

Canvas - i-love-phan-and-butts

Summary: “…I admired the way his muscles created slight shadows on the canvas of white, the change in texture begging to be touched. I imagined what it would be like to touch and stroke his skin, his body, his hair, his lips, his everything whenever I wanted to, freely as lovers do.”

Collab - moonlight-djh

Summary: Phil makes a collab with Caspar, and Dan gets a tad bit jealous.

First Impressions - ultxmasunicornphanfics

Summary: pastel!Dan has to sit next to the new student on the coach on their journey to a school field trip. Queue jealous boyfriend punk!Phil. There’s also a food fight and protective!Phil.

Happy Little Phil - do-it-for-the-gay

Summary: Dan and Phil have a fight over Dan being jealous. Dan’s crying when suddently reminds himself of how they started to date. He, then, finds a way of apologizing with Phil.

Haru-chan - phillestatos

Summary: Phil just hates that Haru pillow. It’s ridiculous and pathetic, but he can’t help but feel that Haru’s blue eyes look at him as saying, He loves me more than you. jealous!Phil.

If I Mattered To You - definitelythor

Summary: Dan gets overwhelmingly and irrationally jealous of everyone Phil pays attention to that isn’t him, and after a while Phil just snaps.

If You Wanted to Dance, You Could’ve Just Asked - danosaurlovesphillion

Summary: A jealous Dan is at a YouTube party with Phil, where he’s had too many drinks and can’t keep his feelings for his friend down much longer.

I Like The Way It Hurts - cocktailaunt

Summary: 2012!Phan: After breaking up with Phil, Dan has been sleeping with pretty much every woman or man in sight and Phil has had about enough of it.

Jealousy - i-love-phan-and-butts

Summary: Dan gets angry during his and Phil’s Starbucks date when Phil spots a cute boy and strikes up a conversation.

Jealousy - helveticahowell

Summary: Dan is sad when Phil comes home with a girl.

Jealousy And Sexual Tension - phanpire

Summary: Phil is possessive of Dan and gets jealous after Dan’s video with Jack and Finn.

Remember When I Didn’t Need You? - botanistlester

Summary: Dan and Phil broke up right before the school’s prom. Dan, angry that Phil is suddenly going to prom with his ex boyfriend, tries to make Phil jealous.

Sticky Floors (ao3) - ramonaspeaks

Summary: So Phil has a celebrity crush. No big deal. Dan is definitely not jealous.

The Five Times Phil Was Jealous - gorgeousdan

Summary: Phil’s not a person who gets jealous very easily. Until it came to his boyfriend.

Was It Good? - chocolatesaucelester

Summary: After a long night of partying and a questionable hook up, Dan comes home to a jealous and bitter Phil.

You’re Mine - mermaidstailonmyface

Summary: Phil is dancing with someone at a bar/club, and Dan is jealous.


YA LIT MEME: Six Places.

↳  THE NIGHT CIRCUS ; Le Cirque Des Rêves. [5/6]

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

When not stretching out behind the desk in the Oval Office, Kennedy defined the Ivy League casual style of the early ’60s. On land, this often meant blazers in navy blue wool or brown Harris tweed, paired with khakis in the summer or gray flannel trousers in the cooler months. The sport jackets were often cut like his suits with slim notch lapels, 2-button fronts, welted breast pockets, jetted hip pockets, and 4-button cuffs. Underneath, the shirts and ties were the same as his suits – white shirts with blue-ish ties.  His shoes were typically off-white canvas sneakers with white laces, worn with thin socks in either white, blue, or black. On sockless days, he would wear dark leather penny loafers that was usually paired with a sweater and white boat slacks. Around his various vacation homes, he would wear velvet Albert slippers with his initials in gold.

“The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.”
― Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus