When-I-Was-A-Lover

A Softer Love
  • “There are two types of love. True love, and the love we actually get.”
  • “I would love you more if you were someone who could love me.”
  • “Our love was doomed, a burning building, a broken neck. But nothing since you and me even feels like love.”
  • “I want everyone to love me and I’m pretty sure the trick is to just be myself, but with money.”
  • “I can only infer that love exists from its effects on others.”
  • “I will always love you, or anyway I will always have loved you now.”
  • “You are the love of my life so far.”
  • “Will you still love me when I am a spooky ghost?”
  • “I’m in love with the you I wish you were. I only stay with you because you look like him.”
  • “Sometimes even love isn’t enough. So what chance do WE have?”
  • “I wish being in love was enough. I wish it counted for anything at all.”
  • “I hate it when you leave but I love to look at your butt while you walk away.”
  • “Yeah, maybe we all die alone. I masturbate alone, too. Sometimes.”
  • “Sometimes when two people love each other it’s really unfortunate.”
  • “I don’t believe each person has just one true love, but sometimes we don’t have enough time to find another.”
  • “If love lasted forever, we’d only ever get one.”
  • “Just once I’d like to fall in love with someone? who will ruin things before I do.”
  • “Ah, unrequited love. When your best isn’t enough.”
  • “I am terrified I will never find another love like ours.”
  • “I want to carve our initials in the bark of everyone who ever hurt you.”
  • “I love the way your face lights up when someone says, "It might be dangerous.”“
  • "All I ever wanted was love, until you loved me.”
  • “Our love is like an animatronic pigeon. No! It’s like a sex party on the moon! Also I am a bit drunk.”
  • “I want people to tell their children terrifying stories about the things we did for love.”
  • “When you get that look, nobody is safe. It’s why I first fell in love with you.”
  • “You are a good person and I love you. This just isn’t the life I hoped I’d have.”
  • “Marriage isn’t just between a man and a woman, it’s between any two people who love each other and want to ruin their lives.”
  • “Our love is a forest fire and we are the little things that live in the trees.”
  • “Sometimes I think you might fall in love with someone else and all my problems will be solved.”
  • “I keep all my old love letters, but to be honest I just skim them for the dirty bits.”
  • “It would be easier to deal with falling out of love if it hadn’t somehow made the sex exciting again.”
  • “Unrequited love is a waste of time. Just walk it off. There. I said it.”
  • “If our love lasts forever it’s gonna get real awkward when one of us dies.”
  • “There are just two things that make life worth living. The people you love, and sweet pranks.”
  • “I love those quiet moments in the dark where you can stop pretending.”
  • “I don’t know what the fuck true love even is but I do want to hang out with you for basically the rest of my life.”
  • “I said I’d love you forever, and really meant it at the time. I guess that’s my problem. A failure of imagination.”
  • “I know I can’t make you love me. But I wish I could make you shut up about not loving me.”
  • “Our love is a meteor impact, a super volcano erupting. We won’t survive but we won’t die bored.”
  • “At first I was angry you had fallen in love with someone else, but you seem so happy now I didn’t even know you were sad.”
  • “You don’t love me, but you used to. I wanted to say thank you for that.”
  • “You and I will never be a great love story. That’s ok! Let’s see what kind of story we’ll be.”
  • “When I picture you with your new lover I get angry, and then sad, then kind of horny.”
  • “I lost the woman I loved and now all I have are my father’s well-meaning words, "Maybe now you can meet a nice man.”“
  • "I have loved since you. But when the new paint gets scratched, there you are underneath.”
  • “She’s like an angel. My family loves her but I just don’t believe anymore." 
Companions react to sole always joking about their death when really they're really considering it because they hate themselves but always joking and playing off like nothing is wrong

Thank you for this ask, anon. I’m hoping this one might give people who are dealing with this some hope and comfort, maybe even to talk about it to someone they love and trust. These characters would believe in you, and one way or another so do I ❤️

Intro: Sole was not doing nearly as well as they pretended to. Being in the ravages of the commonwealth, losing what they lost… they felt useless, hadn’t been able to stop it all. Sole couldn’t shake the thought that nothing would change that feeling. They hated themself for not being good enough, never feeling happy enough so faking that it was to the outside world was the next best thing. Joking to hide it, just one day at a time, as long as nobody found out about it. That was until the day, in spite of the smile still set on their face, something must’ve shone through in one of their jokes. They were looking into the very concerned eyes of their Companion. “ Hey… are you alright?”
 It took Sole a fraction of a second to regain their composure, to get back to the façade and the fake smile. “Yeah, of course! I was just joking, let’s go.” Their companion held them by the arm, not tightly, but just to get them to turn around and stand still. 
“ Sole… What is really going on?” The worry in their voice made Sole cave in entirely. They had hoped never to have to explain this… not like they would understand it anyway. But they couldn’t evade it anymore. Tears welled up in Sole’s eyes as they admitted that maybe they hadn’t just been jokes. 

Codsworth:
He felt like something had been going on for a while now, noticing the difference between the Sole he used to know and the way they acted now. He never could quite place his finger on what was going on , but as soon as Sole poured their heart out to him he recognized what Sole described. The feeling was somehow familiar to him. He had felt it too, once. He held Sole’s hands and told them they were not alone. “ I have felt lost… for all those years without you. I hate to admit it but… mum/sir I have thought about it too, it was so very lonely. But I held on to the thought that maybe I would see you again. And when you were there… oh Sir/Mum… I was so happy to see you again. You gave me a reason to live and to fight again. I felt better talking to you about it. About how I felt… I have learnt that bottling up past trauma can lead to inadiquate coping strategies in later life. We can help each other Sir/Mum. I am here for you.” His heartwarming smile wasn’t enough to fix the feeling of emptiness instantly but some warmth seeped back in, tears still running free. “Okay.”

Danse:
Danse felt a slight sense of panic at Sole’s words… he tried to envision a world without them but felt his chest tighten every time he did.  He knew what it felt like to no longer care if you lived or died, but to consider taking your own life… he couldn’t wrap his head around that. He desperately wanted to help but he didn’t know how. “ I know what it feels like to feel like an imposter… but you helped me back up. Through all of this, you are the one thing that has kept me from giving up, from turning it all off. I would have been dead without you and I have devoted my life to protecting you, even if this means protecting you from yourself. So that is what I shall do, in every way I can. “ He pulled them into a very tight embrace and kissed the top of their head. “ You can tell me how you really feel. Your secrets are safe with me. The dark thoughts and the nightmares… I probably have had them too… maybe I can do for you what you do for me. Give you a reason to feel alive again.“ 

Deacon:
Deacon was dumbstruck, his own jokes falling away entirely. He had no idea what to do but not taking Sole’s words seriously was the last thing on his mind. He pulled Sole into a hug. “ Shit Sole, you’re more worthy to be alive than me. You’ve saved so many lives, helped so many people. You have no idea how amazing you are.” Sole shook their head. “ Doesn’t make me feel any better Deacon. It’s not about how worthy who is. I just feel… lost. All the time.” He stroked their hair until Sole cried a little less. As he wiped away some tears from their face he inhaled deeply.  “ I’m not gonna pretend I know what it’s like. I’m a pathological liar with a bad past but I can’t imagine how you feel right now. And that’s okay… as long as you talk to me. You can’t fight your demons alone, I’ve tried doing that myself and it’s only been working since you’re around and since I told you about my past. I can’t… ‘fix’ this. I know that. But I will fight with you if you let me. And until the threat is passed, just to be safe, I won’t be leaving your side. I won’t bring it up unless you want to talk about it but I won’t leave. “ Dacon looked down. “ Because it’s worst when you are alone. “ He grabbed Sole’s hand. “So please know that you’re not. I can be an idiot but I won’t let you get lost in yourself, okay?” Sole was trying to ease their breathing, wiping away some tears. “I… I think I can do that.” Deacon smiled at them, a little smile. “Good. Now get over here.”
He pulled them into a hug again. “ Oh, does this mean death bunnies as a nickname is off the table or…?”  Sole chuckled a little, while Deacon reveled in the sound of their laughter, vowing to get them to smile genuinely, every day, again someday.

Nick:
Nick didn’t look at Sole with the pity they expected to face, but with a look of determination. “ Listen’ up kid, there’s one thing you need to remember; we’re not gods, we’re men. Human or synth, all of us. You’ve been trying to take on the world, one injustice at a time and you’ve found out that you can’t save everyone. It hacks in on ya, I know. But damnit, you make this damn hellhole a little brighter. So hang in there and rely on others when you need to. If you feel like you can’t handle it, come to me. You’re not the only one who feels lost sometimes, don’t get lost inyourself. You’ve got too many people looking out for ya to do that.” He grabbed Sole’s hand. “You don’t have to face it all alone.” 

Hancock:
Hancock smiled at Sole. “ Looks like we got more in common than I thought.”
“ You mean aside from the deadpan and the sarcasm?” 
“ I’ve almost done it a hundred times over. I’ve considered it, justgoing out on a high, ya know? Literally. And to be honest, if it weren’t for you maybe I woulda done it, too. But you gotta find yoruself somethin’ that makes you excited to wake up in the morning. It doesn’t matter what it is. And if you let me, I’ll do whatever I can to be that thing for you. Or die trying.” 
Sole scoffed, eyes still puffy. “ I’m not sure it’s a good iea to make those kind of jokes. Or to put any kind of pressure on me to be happy.” 
“ Oh, I’m not doing that. You’re a grown-ass (wo)man, I’m not gonna tell you what to be or what to do. But I ain’t going anywhere without ya. But this ain’t the kinda thing you tell people unless you hate that empty feeling. Keep talking to me when you feel it and I’ll help ya. You’re gonna be alright. I’ll keep you safe.Cause you’re the most important thing to me in this whole goddamn world.”

Maxson:
Maxson felt hopeless, felt some sort of unfamiliar panic wash over him. If ther was one thing he wasn’t used to being it was helplessness. He wanted to helo but didn’t have a clue how. “ Sentinel… I would kill for you.” He walked closer to them, looking Sole straight in the eyes. “I would die for you if it came down to it.” He grabbed Sole’s hands. “ But I can’t let you die. Cause I’ve lost a lot of good soldiers, a lot of friends, and I cannot lose you.”
Sole looked at their feet. “But I’m not sure if I can keep going on, Maxson.”
He gritted his teeth. He wasn’t angry at Sole, not dissapointed, just concerned and frustrated by his lack of ability to do anything.
“ Whenever you feel lost, come to me. I know now and I’ll drop anything if you need me to. You can do whatever you want, tell me whatever you want and I won’t use it against you or judge you for it. As long as you don’t do it. “ He had a pleading look in his eyes as he grabbed Sole’s hands in his. “ Please. I am no longer sure if this this world is worth saving for me if it no longer has you in it.”

Preston:
Preston sighed and asked Sole to sit down on a nearby bench with him. 
“ When I first started all of this I was, um … scared as hell. You know that I often barely managed to hold my head above water. Sometimes I just wanted it all to stop. I’ve seen so much death and misery walking through the commonwealth… it rubs off on you. But I kept going because the people around me needed me. Sometimes I felt some genuine happiness again, in the little things, you know? When I noticed some kids could still be happy, when I saw lovers reunited,… when I saw my guys like Sturges with his eternal optimism. It made me push through. And then you came along and I wasn’t the only one with the weight of the world on my shoulders.There was some hope again, among the pain and the suffering. I’m still not completely okay but I try to go by the little things… you are a reminder that sometimes things get better. But when it all gets too much… “ He gabbed Sole’s hand in his. “You can come to me. I know what it feels like to feel like you’re not enough. As it turns out talking about it helps best, and for me focussing on the little things that make me happy. Like you. Like coming back to the settlement and knowing you’ve given these people a new home. Like the look of relief when we help a settlement and those people realise that they haven’t lost everything. The bravery to start over. You know the story of Pandora’s box right? Once all the misey is out, hope is left. Anyway… just know you can come to me when you want to okay? Cause… I don’t want to lose you.”  

Sturges;
Sturges can’t even stand to see Sole cry, let alone deal with the fact that they’re contemplating ending their life. After they barged in at the Museum of Freedom he felt like he owed them his life but now it came down to it he didn’t know how to return the favor. He looked at them with such hopeful eyes and said “ Hey… I don’t really know how to help but I’ve got your back. You’ve helped us out back at Concord. You saved our damn lives… I wanna do the same for you. You’re one of akind Sole, and this world would be a whole lot darker without you in it. So whenever it gets to much you know where to find me. Same team, remember? “ His heart broke to see Sole nodding their head while they still were having trouble stopping the tears and he pulled them into a hug, holding onto them tightly. “I got you. You’re gonna be okay.”

X6-88:
“ I told you I once thought you looked lost and confused, that you might not be able to handle this life… and how you proved me wrong. How tough and determined you are in spite of all you’ve lost. I told you then you could accomplish anything you set your mind to. I still believe you can. You will overcome this.” He tried to maintain his more composed way of speaking intact but seeing Sole like that… something was hitting a nerve, making him feel something he didn’t usually feel.  
“ X6, I’m not sure if I can. You also told me you were worried I might slow you down and I am doing that now. It’s overwhelming, too much to handle.”
“ I am sworn to protect you.” Sole inhaled deeply, tears still streaming down their face because they were saying goodbeye to their support system. But Sole knew he was probably doing all of this out of a sense of loyalty to Father, a sense of duty.
“ I relieve you of that. You can leave. Nobody will hold it against you. You no longer need to be my bodyguard.You will always be welcome in the Institute but no one will command you any longer.”
“ With all do respect, ma’am/sir, I refuse to leave your side as long as you are in harm’s way.” 
“ This isn’t helping. Knowing I’m a burden, an annoyance to you.It makes it all worse, okay? Just leave.” 
“ Damnit…I am not leaving because I have to protect the one thing that I can’t live without. That’s you.This is no longer just about the Institute. I respect you and I want to be by your side as you take on the world or whatever idiotic thing has gotten into your head that makes you feel insecure. “ He clenched his jaw. “ You do? ”
“ I do… sir/Ma’am. I will aid you in overcoming this in any way you can. I refuse to let you destroy yourself.”

Shower Moments

Writer - @dammntwilightsaga

Requested - Nope

Disclaimer - I do not own any of The Twilight Saga’s characters and/or ideas all credit goes to the creator and producers of Twilight

Summary – Reader(F) thinks she is alone in the house she shares with her imprinter/fiance Sam so she jumps in the shower but is surprised by him when he comes home early and joins her

Warning(s) - intimate moment (showering together), flashback of previous (accidental) abuse, short, fluff

I changed some things from the book/movie (Sam also has a brother in this, just to help the plot)

A/N - Request are open :)

Originally posted by imlostinsantacarla

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

How would the boys feel about a super shy easy to fluster s/o?Like they mention anything remotely sexual and she starts blushing red and stuttering.

~Sakamaki~

♥Shu: Heh, I don’t believe you’re that innocent… I bet you actually enjoy it when I speak about that kind of things.

♥Reiji: Are you blushing again? It amuses me how pure you pretend to be… Somehow it makes me want to taint you.

♥Ayato: It’s so fun to bother someone so shy, hehehe…. Ne, Chichinashi, do you actually imagine the things I say? It’s that why you get so ashamed? Haha!

♥Kanato: You’re a very hypocritical woman. You’re actually doing this to catch my attention…

♥Laito: Fufu~ Bitch-chan is so dirty-minded… I only said something a little naughty, and you’re already blushing~

♥Subaru: Wait, what are you imagining?! I didn’t mean it that way! Goddamit… Don’t take everything I say so seriously!

~Mukami~

♥Ruki: Livestock, do you have to panic with every single word I say? Save that red and teary face for your punishments.

♥Kou: Heheh~ i exactly know how you’re feeling right now, M Neko-chan… Even if you hide your face away from me.

♥Yuma: Dirty, dirty Sow! Do you pretend that I believe that stupid façade?! I know you like my dirty-talkin’!

♥Azusa: Ah, my Eve… Is so innocent… Nee, don’t look away… I like seeing that expression…

~Tsukinami~

♥Carla: Why are you always hiding your true emotions? Show me your face and tell me what you’re thinking.

♥Shin: Yeah, yeah. Act innocent now… But you don’t actually complain when I do those things.

Shifted - Part 6, Chapter 6

Every Tuesday I’ll be posting a chapter from my brand new AU story. The premise is simple - what if Claire had gotten pregnant with Brianna a month or two earlier in the story, and she and Jamie had re-evaluated their priorities and decided that the cause was lost, and they were able to slip away from the army and quietly return to Lallybroch?
Previous installments…


Part 6 - The Honeymoon

Lallybroch, Summer 1763

Chapter 6


“Dear me,” she breathed. “You’d think we’d been apart twenty years.”

 

Jamie nuzzled and sucked her neck with slow, wet kisses. “Mmphmm. When was the last time we lay together in the middle of the day? Yer skin looks so bonny in the sunlight, mo nighean donn.”

 

She hummed against him, winding her legs tighter around his hips. The motion shifted him even deeper inside her, and they both gasped.

 

A Dhia,” he whispered. “Claire, ye feel so – I canna describe it.”

 

She ran a gentle hand over his shoulders, tracing the web of his scars. “I know. I feel it too.” She paused, thoughtful. “You said that on our wedding night, didn’t you?”

 

She shivered as Jamie gently bit her collarbone. “I said a lot of things, Sassenach. Can ye be a wee bit more specific?”

 

A Dhia. Right before we made love the first time.”

 

He snorted. “Aye, I did. Though I canna say it was making love – I had no idea what in hell I was doing, and I certainly didna ken that ye were meant to get something out of it.”

 

Her fingers tangled in the hair at the base of his skull. “I forgive you for that time. You’ve more than made up for it since then.”

 

He sighed against her. “It’s no’ blasphemy to say that, ken. It’s a prayer of thanks.” He raised up on his elbows to just look at her. Christ, she was beautiful, cheeks pink with color and hair all frizzy around her heid. “I could pray my thanks for being marrit to ye every second of every day for the rest of my life, Claire, and it would never be enough.”

 

Her eyes glistened with tears. She ran her thumb over his nose and chin. He parted his lips and took her thumb in his mouth, sucking softly.

 

Gently his hips began the slow, familiar rhythm. Her lips parted and she gasped, tears slipping down her cheeks. He eased her thumb out of his mouth and traced his own thumb along the path of her tears. “Shh. Let it out, mo graidh. Let me love you some more.”

 

Later, flushed and rumpled and yet energized, he held her tightly to his chest, lips against her hairline, watching the sun set through the grimy window.

 

“What’s been troubling ye, Claire?” he asked softly. “Honesty, now.”

 

She sighed – he felt the rush of warm air against his shoulder. “I can’t really describe it. Just – so much feeling.”

 

“About what?”

 

She paused. “You and the children, mostly.”

 

“But ye’ve always had those worries. What makes it different now?”

 

Her hand found his and wrapped her fingers around his thumb, caressing. “I have worried every day since we returned from France that you’ll be taken from me. I worry about how things will change once you’re free to leave Lallybroch in three years’ time. I worry about the children – what will come next for them in their lives, whether Brianna will ever find a husband that truly understands and respects her, whether William will stay with us once he’s grown or whether he’ll want to seek his own adventure in Inverness or Edinburgh or another city.”

 

He kissed her forehead. “Ye’re such a good mother – of course ye should worry. But have I done anything recently to make ye think that I’ll be taken from ye?”

 

He felt her shake her head. “No – no more than the usual. Just – my greatest fear is being parted from you.”

 

He settled down on the pillow to meet her eyes. “Ye ken I’ll never let that happen.”

 

She caressed his cheek. “I ken, Jamie. But it’s happened before – even though you fought so hard for it not to. It nearly killed me, you know that.”

 

“I do. But do ye think it was any different for me, Claire?”

 

“No, I don’t. But it’s always at the back of my mind – if something were to happen to you, what would I do?”

 

He closed his eyes and sighed. “We’ve never talked of it, have we?”

 

“No, we haven’t. But we should.”

 

“Tomorrow, perhaps? I’ve been thinking – we should walk along the burn, you could gather some of your wee herbs and I’ll find fish for our supper.”

 

She smiled. “Are you deliberately trying to replicate what we did right after we married?”

 

He butted her nose with his. “Maybe.”

 

She kissed him then, slow and sweet.

 

“I’ve got an idea.”

 

He kissed her chin and settled his hand at the small of her back. She nestled into his chest. “What is it?”

 

She smiled, almost shyly. “Tell me something about yourself you’ve never told me before. And I’ll do the same.”

 

His eyebrow raised. “Ye already ken all the important things about me, Sassenach.”

 

Gently she nudged his shoulder. “Come on. There has to be something you’ve never told me.”

 

He frowned, then – blushed? His cheeks flushed beneath her hand.

 

“Jamie? What is it? Surely it can’t be that bad?” She kissed the tip of his nose. “You’re not going to tell me that you weren’t a virgin on our wedding night, after all?”

 

“No, that’s God’s honest truth. Rather - I’m afraid you’ll laugh at me, but I felt the same way on our wedding night, and even though ye did laugh at me I didna mind it so much.”

 

She caressed his cheek, curious. “Tell me.”

 

He swallowed. “Do ye remember when we were trying to – trying to conceive William?”

 

She smiled widely. “Yes. And you don’t?”

 

He sighed, exasperated. “Ah. Weel. I never told ye this – but I did a lot of praying, then.”

 

Love surged in her heart. “I know – I understood the prayer you said, every time you finished inside me.”

 

That stopped him. “Ye did?”

 

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “It’s one of the most beautiful and thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me. I didn’t let on because – because I didn’t want you to stop. And it worked in the end, did it not?”

 

He breathed in her hair deeply. “Aye, I suppose. Only, I didna just do that. I prayed a whole rosary every day. And I – ” he paused. “I – I took some herbs every day, too.”

 

Claire rose up on one elbow. “What? What kind of herbs?”

 

He lay flat on his back and rubbed his hands over his face. “I went early on to see Grannie MacNab, to help her wi’ chores. She could tell straight away that something was troubling me – so I told her that you and I were trying for another bairn. And she told me that every day for the first ten years of her marriage to Mr. MacNab, she’d fed him some herbs wi’ his parritch. To make his seed stronger, ken? And she had the eight boys in twelve years, so…”

 

Claire was profoundly touched. “So is that what you did, then?”

 

“Aye. She was verra matter-of-fact about it, she told me where to find the plants and how to prepare them.” He reached up one hand and delicately traced down her nose and cheek. “I wanted – I wanted my seed to be as strong as possible, every time we lay together. I wanted so badly to give ye another child, mo nighean donn. So as soon as ye told me about the bairn I had to let her know – to thank her.”

 

“That’s why you’re always taking William up there – out of thanks.”

 

“Aye, I suppose. Only – it brings her joy to see me wi’ him. To ken that she played a small part in him coming to be.” He sat up against the headboard and crossed his arms. “I would have done anything, Claire – anything to give ye another bairn. So.”

 

She settled into his shoulder against the headboard. “Thank you.”

 

“Ye’re welcome.” He kissed her forehead, then grinned. “Now it’s yer turn.”

 

Claire traced her fingers along his collarbone, thoughtful.

 

“I wasn’t a virgin when I married Frank.”

 

Jamie jerked away from the headboard and grasped both her hands in his. “What?”

 

She smiled. “I’m glad I can still surprise you, after all these years.”

 

He blinked. “What do ye mean, ye werena a virgin when you marrit him?” A look of horror crossed his face. “There’s no’ another husband ye havena told me about, is there?”

 

She squeezed his fingers. “No – I’ve only been married twice. I had a lover before I met Frank – I lost my virginity to him.”

 

Jamie’s brow furrowed. “Who was he? How old were ye? What happened to him? Did he break yer heart? Do ye think of him still? Did ye – ”

 

She settled a finger against his lips. “Shh. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

 

He swallowed. “Any other men I should know about, Sassenach?”

 

She smiled. “No, Jamie. And I’ve never mentioned him to you because I honestly haven’t thought about him for years. I hadn’t thought about him for a long time before I met you.”

 

His blue gaze pierced through her. “Tell me everything.”

 

She moved closer, nudging her knees against his. “I met him when I was sixteen. He was an assistant of my uncle’s – on a short expedition. He was older than me – a university student in his early twenties. I took a fancy to him – and he to me.”

 

Jamie’s arms vibrated with tension. “Why did ye give him yer maidenheid?”

 

She sighed. “My uncle took a trip for a few weeks – left me alone with him. Things – sped up while my uncle was away. It was the summertime. I thought I was ready to be a woman, and I told him as much.”

 

He shook his head. “Always telling men what to do.”

 

She ignored his comment. “So – I told him I wanted to be a woman, not a girl. It was very brief, very passionate. Then my uncle came back, and then he was called back to the university on urgent business. And I never saw him again.”

 

He caressed the backs of her hands. “That was it, then?”

 

She nodded. “Frank didn’t mind when we married – I knew he’d had lovers before, and he said it wasn’t fair for him to judge me when I hadn’t judged him.”

 

Jamie looked down at their joined hands. “Did ye love him?”

 

She shook her head and met his gaze head-on. “No. I thought I did, but now I know that it wasn’t love. He broke my heart, Jamie. It was a very painful and confusing time. He showed me that I was indeed a woman – that I had the body of a woman – but he destroyed a piece of my heart. I realized that I’d always want more than he could give.” She paused. “I suppose I always wanted more from Frank than he could give me, too.”

 

Jamie’s thumb traced her iron ring – so worn from nearly twenty years of use. “And me?” he said, voice small and quiet. “Do ye want more than I can give ye?”

 

She smiled and crawled into his lap, wrapping her legs around his hips and her arms around his shoulders. “You have given me everything you have – your name, your body, your family, your mind, your heart – since the day we married. You’ve showed me what love really is, Jamie. And you’ve always been more than enough.” She swallowed. “You’ve always offered more than I could possibly take.” She brought her forehead against his. “That’s why I worry, too - I know it’s absolute nonsense – but…I worry that I’m not enough for you. That one day you won’t want me anymore.”

 

His mouth gaped – and she saw the hurt in his eyes. “Claire, I –”

 

She placed her fingers against his lips. “I know. It’s foolish to think that way. Everyone always says it to me how lucky I am that my man only has eyes for me. Has only ever had eyes for me. But do you understand now, why I feel the way I do? Why I – why I have been needing you more, lately, than I ever have before?”

 

He twined his fingers in her hair and pressed her face into his neck. She breathed deeply.

 

“Ye worry that ye’re no’ enough for me – and I worry I’m no’ enough for you.”

 

“Idiot,” she sniffed. “Of course you’re enough. You’re more than enough.”

 

“Aye. So do ye see, Claire, that what we worry about are things that willna happen? Because I love ye too much to let it happen, and ye love me too much to let it happen?”

 

She nodded against him.

 

“Truly? Do ye truly understand that, now?”

 

She lifted her head and cradled his face between her hands. Then she kissed him, slow and long and deep.

 

“Yes,” she finally whispered against his lips. “Yes. I do.”

When I had no roof I made
Audacity my roof. When I had
No supper my eyes dined.

When I had no eyes I listened.
When I had no ears I thought.
When I had no thought I waited.

When I had no father I made
Care my father. When I had
No mother I embraced order.

When I had no friend I made
Quiet my friend. When I had no
Enemy I opposed my body.

When I had no temple I made
My voice my temple. I have
No priest, my tongue is my choir.

When I have no means fortune
Is my means. When I have
Nothing, death will be my fortune.

Need is my tactic, detachment
Is my strategy. When I had
No lover I courted my sleep.

—-

Samurai Song

Robert Pinsky, 1940

—-

Graphic - Andrew Archer

i am not, and never have been, in the business of tying anyone down. i don’t want anyone to feel restricted when they’re with me. i want my lover to feel free. to live their life, and not feel hindered by our bond. i’ve come to realize that i won’t be everyone’s end all be all. i will be someone’s lesson. someone’s “close” idea of what they want, but “not quite there yet”. someone’s “this could have been perfect but…”. someone’s “i don’t think you’re ready for me”. i can’t allow that to make me bitter. to bring me despair. why should i? if there’s anything i love in this life, is to be of assistance. to change lives for the better. if i’m not for you, but it leads you to who is, i can’t be anything but joyful. i’ve gained this bad habit of believing that everyone that comes in close contact with my soul, is for me. leaving me to feel like i’ve lost pieces of myself, with each love that fails. but i have lost nothing. i have gained, and i have given, more than i had. i can’t allow myself to forget that.

anonymous asked:

Who likes sleeping on their S/O's lap?

♥Laito: I do~ Bitch-chan’s thighs are just very soft. Aaand if she is wearing a skirt, I usually peek a little~ Because, why not? Nfu~

♥Yuma: So what if I do? Gardening it’s hard work! It’s not my fault if she happens to be there when I get tired… It’s not like I have a pillow or somethin’ in the garden when I want to rest!

anonymous asked:

I'm an old gal who's seen a lot of neices, nephews, and my own children fall in love and get married and whatever it is we've just seen today, baby it ain't true love. I've been married 50 years and damn if Sam and Cait don't remind me of the way hubs and I were when we were young lovers. Some things you just can't fake. Please don't lose heart just yet.

oh I love this so much. thank you for making my heart happy and my spirits lift just a bit, anon! congrats on 50 years, that’s incredible <3

he said,
“if he lays a finger on you, he won’t see daylight.”
and i told him that
i didn’t know what to say because
it seems like no one cares nowadays.

you said you care.
you said you’ve felt that way for a while.
but if you do care,
why do you shove me away like that?

“i love you”
“the only girl i need”
my favourite two lies
that lie within my heart
and crawl through my veins to cut them up.

because the only time you love me
is when you think i look pretty
and the only time you speak to me
is when i am vulnerable
but my dear lover
i have been through these things before
my dad ripped my heart out before you could even add to the score
my mother has never heard of you
my brother will never speak of you
and still my heart beats for you, you, you.

i have aced the tests that love has put me through
i have aced the things you thought you were good at too
but yet you’re still a frequent character in my sorry head
yet you’re still the monster that keeps these demons fed
not even pills could rid the thought of you
and it’s the truth, baby.
i tried to care for you.

you wouldn’t let me.

—  i went crazy when i was with you. I can’t let that happen again
I want to say I love you but...

Inspired by @pearlidab  (If anyone is interested in proofreading this message me please)

*Warning of sexual and mature content*

*Beware of memes*

“I like you Dazai, please go out with me.” The words echoed in Dazai’s ears. He swore he heard wrong for a second but he couldn’t deny that he did with his subordinate standing in front of him looking like his face was going to erupt at any second like an active volcano. 

He wanted to just save Atsushi the heartbreak and just reject him right there. He wouldn’t be the first to confess and he probably won’t be the last. Whether he rejects or accepts it depends on his mood but one thing that never changes is that they never stay. No one really stays. He can’t meet their expectations, male or female. “I’ll be in your care,” He should feel guilty from the amount of hope and happiness on Atsushi’s face that brings tears to the boy’s eyes. If only he knew that he was doing this so, he would learn how bad of an idea it was. He’ll fall out of love. He’ll let go.

Keep reading

beauty & the cat

member; kill me so softly jeonghan
genre: fluff, slight!fantasy
summary; when you wake up on your twenty-first birthday, there is a human boy in your bed. you’re pretty sure you have a cat, not a boyfriend.

As your televisions continued to voice Japanese words, you watched intently. While sitting on your bed, your cat jumped up onto your bed and laid its head on your legs. Absentmindedly, you petted its white fur as you focused intensely on the movie. Honestly, you weren’t sure why you were so focused on this movie. It was just another romantic comedy that you had no chance in participating in. And tomorrow would be your birthday. Another boring birthday, most people got incredibly drunk on their birthday, but you? You were spending the last night of being twenty with a movie you’re streaming and your cat. How was anything going to change tomorrow? You weren’t going to wake up reinvigorated and ready to take on the world. 

Besides, you didn’t even have plans for your birthday. Instead, you just wanted to stay away from people, and continue to have a lovely slow day for your birthday. As much as you enjoyed being around friends, being around good people, and everything inbetween, you just wanted a day to yourself. So when the movie finally ended, you looked down to your mewling cat, and smiled. 

“You’ll be with me on my birthday tomorrow, right, Carrot?” 

Keep reading

Perfect Only Last So Long- Tyler Joseph Part Four (smut)

The next morning you woke up feeling yourself again. Nights like last night happened but you always were on your own. This time you were happy to have Tyler to help you through your doubt, insecurities, and tears.

“Wanna ride again?” Tyler asked rubbing his eyes from just waking up.

“No ty, I can drive myself.” You said already knowing he was going to drive you.

“It wasn’t really a question.” He said getting out of bed and kissing your cheek.

“You’re too good to me.” You blushed.

“I only want the best for my girl.” He said putting on a shirt.

“Well that’s all you give me and I love you so much. Thanks for taking care of me.” You said pulling your hair into a messy bun.

“I’ll take care of you until the world ends.” He told you and you could swear you head heart skipped a beat.

“Are you out early today?” Tyler asked as you pulled up to your school.

“Yes and today is Friday and I was thinking maybe do you want to have a party at my house. It’s bigger than your apartment.” you asked not sure if he was going to be okay with it being at your house.

You typically partied at his apartment with all his friends getting drunk.

“Um, yeah I guess. I’ll tell the guys. Are you inviting your friends?” he asked.

“If you don’t mind. Kaylee seemed to like you the other day and I know how much they actually want to meet you.”

“Whatever you want to do is fine with me.” he said kissing you on the cheek. “Now go before you’re late.” he said unlocking the car doors.

“Alright love you.” you leaned in to kiss him on the lips quickly but it turned into more than that.

You broke away for the kiss for air.

“Y/N go or I’ll take you home and we can continue this.” he said with a smirk on his face.

“Just one kiss can get you this wild up?” you teased him.

“That was not just a kiss. That was a long kiss from a hot girl. You always get me wild up.” he winked at you.

“Oh my god.” you rolled your eyes. “Be here at 10 to pick me up. I love you.” you said getting out of the car.

“Love you too hottie.” he said pulling away.

You rolled your eyes and walked into school where you met up with Stephanie.

“Well that was a heated kiss.” she said and you looked at her confused. “I’ve been waiting here for the past 5 minutes looking out the window for you when I saw you and your lover boy going at it in the car.” she teased you.

“We weren’t going at it, it was just a kiss that was long and nice.” you said and you blushed.

“God you love him don’t you.” she said as you both walked to your first class together.

“I do. I really do, so much. He’s such a  sweetheart and-” you started but you saw her rolling her eyes. “Sorry.” you apologized.

“Don’t be. It’s cute and all seeing you happy. Anyways you always talk about how fun going to a party with Tyler is. Any plans this weekend?”

“Yeah. party at my house. Be there at 9 and bring some people with you.” you said waving goodbye to her as you entered your classroom.

You still had 2 minutes until the class started so you sent a quick text to some of your other friends telling them to come.

After listening to some of your teacher’s powerpoint you got bored and pulled out your phone, carefully hiding it from the teacher’s view. You saw you got a text from over 15 people saying they would be there. You knew there was probably going to be about 30 to 40 people so you thought you better text Tyler.

To Tyler

Hey babe, so it’s probably going to be a big party. Will you pick up beer and snacks and stuff?

Sent 7:46 am

From Tyler

Sounds fun. I’ll grab some stuff before picking you up, but only if you promise me one thing.

Received 7:48 am

To Tyler

And that one thing is???

Sent 7:49 am

From Tyler

I think you know what I want.

Received 7:49 am

To Tyler

Omg. it’s too early for this.

Sent 7:50 am

From Tyler

But you got me going in the car this morning and I realized that it’s been over 5 weeks since I’ve seen your beautiful body of yours. God I love you so much.

Received 7:51 am

Thinking you have control, but baby, you know I’ll always be in control in the bedroom ;)

Received 7:51 am

To Tyler

I’m in school and you’re distracting me.

Sent 7:52 am

But you know if you get me drunk enough it always happens.

Sent 7:52 am

From Tyler

Sounds like it’s going to be a fun night at the Y/L/N’s house. See you later babe.

Received 7:03am

“Huh, Ms.Y/L/N would you like to share with the class what you’re smiling at your lap about.” you teacher spoke from the front of the room which made you jump from your stare at your phone.

Everyone was turned in their seat and looking at you.

“Ms.Y/L/N you know the rules. Phone up on my desk until the end of the day.”

“Ms. David I’m sorry I had to text my mom and tell her I made it to school okay. She’s out of town.” you said keeping your phone in your hand.

“Okay fine, but if I see it again it’s mine for the rest of the day.” she said and stating her lesson again.

You tried to listen to the lesson, but now your mind was in a different place. Tyler seemed to have that effect on you a lot. When he texted you things like that all you could think of was how much you wanted to be with him. Alone.

Finally your last class was over. You were walking out of the building when suddenly you heard someone calling your name. You turned around to see one of the school jocks jogging towards you.

“Hey Y/N, I heard there is going to be a party, is that true?”

“Yeah my house at 9.”

“Is that Tyler kid involved. Are you still dating him?”

“Yeah and yes he will be there.” you said.

“Good, he knows a good party. Well see you later than.” he said and walked away.

If he knew about it then your friends really did invite other people.

Later that night you and Tyler had just finished putting out the last of the chips and stuff when you heard a few familiar voice enter you house.

“Let’s get this shit started.” you heard Kaylee shout.

Before you knew it your house was full of drunk partying high schoolers. It felt like half the school was there from all the noise and the loud music wasn’t helping.

Your were in the kitchen talking with Tyler, Stephanie, Kaylee.

“As her best friends we have the role of protecting her, so you hurt her your dick gets chopped of.” Stephanie threatened Tyler in a joking manner.

You were happy seeing that your friends and Tyler were all getting along. They really liked him and he seemed to liked them too.

“Well I’m not as drunk as I want to be so anyone up for a round of shots. I’ll take a bottle from my dad’s liquor cabinet.” you offered.

“Babe you sure he won’t notice?” Tyler questioned.

“It’s fine.” you said then leaned close to his ear to whisper. “Plus you’ll like the outcome, if you know what I mean.”

He smirked and you walked away to walk to the cabinet stumbling a bit. Okay maybe you were a little more drunk than you thought, but fuck it right?

“Woah you good there Y/N.” the same jock from earlier asked you.

“Yeah, just a bit tipsy.” you said.

“A bit.” he laughed. “Anyways, Tyler and you really do throw a great party. I hope your neighbors don’t mind the noise or that we almost burned down their rose bush.” he said.

“Fuck them, I never liked any of them.” you slurred and he laughed.

“You’ve always been funny.” he said moving closer to you.

“She has and still is.” you heard Tyler’s voice behind you and felt him pull you closer to him by the waist.

“Yeah. anyways, I’m gonna go. See you in school Y/N.” he winked them walked away.

You turned around and saw Tyler glaring at the jock as he walked away.

“Someone got jealous.” you teased him.

“Just get the alcohol.” he said not wanting to address it.

You  grabbed the bottle and a few shot glasses from the cabinet. After sharing the drink with your friends they decided they were going to head out.

“We’re gonna leave soon Y/N it’s already 2 in the morning and most people left already.” Kaylee said.

“Okay, love you guys.” you slurred hugging both of them.

“You got her Tyler?” Stephanie asked pointing at your drunken state.

“Yeah.” he nodded and then they left.

About half hour later you got everyone to leave. You wanted the house to just you and Tyler. You had plans for the two of you and you were to drunk to even let the last person leave the door before you turned around and started kissing Tyler passionately.

“What do you say we go upstairs and have some fun by ourselves?” you asked Tyler moving closer to him.

He bit his bottom lip and picked you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist and he brought you upstairs. He put you down on your bed closing the door in the process. He pushed you down on the bed and hovered over you with either hand on the sides of your head. He collided his lips with yours, your tongues fighting for dominance but of course he won.

You played with the hem of his shirt and he broke the kiss to pull it off. You took the opportunity to do the same to yourself. You unbuttoned your jeans and pulled them off too. Tyler stared down at your almost naked body and bit his lip a little hard. You noticed the growing bulge in his pants so you sat up and started unbuckling his belt.

“So egear today aren’t you baby girl?” he asked as you pulled the belt off and started pulling down his jeans.

“I’ve been waiting all day for this Tyler. You’ve been on my mind and I just want to fuck you.” you said, or more correct the alcohol said.

“Then how about you get on your knees and show me how much you’ve been wanting this.” he said and you moved off the bed and kneeled in front of him.

You looked up at him as you looped your finger in the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down. You pump him a few times before sucking his tip. You hear him start to groan lowly as you wrap your mouth around his cock and move farther down his cock.

“Fuck, baby.” he groaned bucking putting his hands in your hair and pushing himself in and out of your mouth.

You hollowed your cheeks and took him as deep as you could. You bobbed your head over him until you felt him twitch inside your mouth.

You immediately pulled off and stood. He grabbed your face and kissed your lips sloppily. You were back on the bed laid on your back and Tyler hovered over you. You felt him line himself up with your soaked entrance. He looked at you asking for permission like he always did. You nodded your head and he pushed inside of you which made a gasp escape your lips. He stopped his movements and looked back at you.

“Are you okay baby?”

“Yeah, you can move now.” you said once adjusted to him.

He began to thrust in and out of you at a good pace for the both of you.

You felt the familiar tightness in your abdomen start and Tyler’s pace started to get sloppier.

“I’m close.” you tell him as your high threatens to tear throw you.

“Me too baby. Let it go.” he said and his words worked like magic. Your walls clenched around him and he came inside of you. Tyler helped you get dressed throwing on a pair of shorts himself. You curled into his side and he pulled you close whispering I love yous in you ear as you fell asleep.

“I love you Y/N.” you heard him whisper.

“I love you too.” you mumbled.

You took in the warmth and the smell from him knowing you only had 3 more nights of this. You were going to miss waking up next to him and falling asleep curled into his side.

A/N- I promise it gets better after this. I just wasn’t in the mood to write smut but I wanted to post the next part. Please don’t hate me. I’m aware it sucks. Thanks.

I hate all the things that I love
I wanna believe in what I hear and what I read
But it mostly reminds me I’m lost
I wanna believe that when I fuck it’s romantic
But no lovers remind me of love

maybe. i dunno. do NOT think he’s above a britney moment.