Pretty sure I drove through Night Vale on my way home tonight.

“We invite the children of same-sex couples to listen,” said the radio announcer. “We invite the children of different-sex couples to listen. We do NOT invite the Children of the Corn to listen.”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” a different voice cut in. “Some of our best friends are…” *realized what he was saying was ridiculous* “… corn.”

Many of you are still trapped in the company picnic.

Others of you are trapped in mistaken impressions of how your life should supposedly be, 

but that started long before this Strex thing.

That’s something only you can fix,

through reflection and laughter and acceptance.

honestly the phrase “this podcast is ruining my goddamn life” has been relevant to me since 2012. back then, it was welcome to night vale. right now, it’s the adventure zone and wolf 359. like no joke, imma be a crotchety ass 99 y/o grandmama on her death bed still sobbing over some dope ass audio masterpiece, clinging to my bedsheets as i begin to slip away from this mortal coil. i’ll let out a shaky, angry breath, and for the last time, the phrase “this podcast is ruining my goddamn life” will leave my lips, and i’ll literally just fucking die as i lived: getting the shit kicked out of me by some asshole shitbaby dumbasses mouthbreathing into a microphone. fuck  

  • Kevin: It's always exciting to get a new job, to take on a new career!
  • You know, that thrilling moment after all the resumes and letters and interviews.
  • That moment when one day
  • a van pulls up next to you, say, just outside your favorite ice cream store or on the sidewalk outside your girlfriend's house,
  • and you're blindfolded and sedated and lightly beaten
  • and driven around in seemingly-random directions
  • and then, after breaking down spiritually,
  • hurled upon the concrete front steps of your new office, ready to start your new career!
  • This is an exciting moment in anyone's professional life!
  • Lauren: And here at StrexCorp, we want that excitement to continue!

Here’s my ‘Welcome to Night Vale’ Halloween party menu!

- Night Vale’s eye logo pizza (from Big Rico’s pizza)
-John Peters (you know, the farmer)’s imaginary (pop)corn.
-Cotton candy Glow Cloud (ALL HAIL).
-Carlos’ green Margarita shots (’cause we are really into science these days)
-Secret Piña Colada to avoid the Secret Police (and remember, if you see something, say nothing and drink to forget)
-Khoshekh cupcakes with black tea that is mostly void, partially stars ;)

Good Halloween, Night Vale, and good night!~