Wanting

Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting, see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off and if you hate how he acts when he’s out of it, you’ll hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.
—  Something my dad taught me

I wish I could make sense of all this.
But wishing leads to wanting,
At least that’s what my mother says.

I wish I could figure out how you feel,
It might make things easier.

I wish you were right here with me,
Holding my hand-
Telling me, “it’s all right, it’s going to be okay.”

I guess, I’ll still be loving you anyway.

—  M.L. // I wish I wish

Love is a bittersweet false prophet,
a two faced sacrosanct god,
an idol whose altar I worship at.

It’s aching, longing,
tearing apart heart strings,
eating up galaxies inside me.


I chase it down with a shot of vodka,
and pretend it’s burning can drown out my love.


I know it’s just a mix of chemicals.
Human euphoria with man made drugs.


Just my brain telling my heart to get really fucked up,
and oh how I do, over you.
(and I do it a lot.)


Love is a cult,
and I’m straight in the fucking middle of it,
open arms, chanting hippie mantras.


I’ll carve my heart into a mandala for you,
I’ll sow you a tapestry of my devotion.


I’m in an open field and
you are the meadow grass swallowing me up,
carry me away, enfold me in your arms.


I am a flower and you are the soil,
I bloom and you eat me up.


I can’t help it when I see you,
hands are always reaching, wanting, longing.


I have to stop my fingers from curling around yours,
or dragging across the curve of your cheek,
the hollow of your neck.


I have to stop my head from finding your shoulder,
my lips from parting for yours.


Love is a preacher,
and I am the congregation under his song.
Oh lord, how I pray.


Love is a siren,
and I am the ship of men,
Oh sea, drown me today.


Love is the fucking sun,
and I am the planet in it’s love struck cosmic embrace,
Oh gravity, take me away.


Love is longing, reaching, wanting
and fuck oh god, 
You don’t know how bad I want to.
You don’t know how bad I want you.

—  when I make you laugh it’s not like when I make other people laugh, because I don’t still hear their voice in my dreams for weeks.