i need u to pretend to break up w me -kuroo
i didn’t even get to date u yet :’—((( -bokuto
bo will u date me
thanks will u fight and break up w me in front of the brony oikawa set me up with
oikawa set u up with a brony??? lmfao
this isnt a lmfaoing matter bo im desperate he’s talking to me about rainbow dash
Bokuto takes a deep breath before entering the cafe, putting himself in the shoes of a scorned lover. He marches in and scours the room before he finds Kuroo eyeing a plastic spork as a man in a fedora makes elaborate hand gestures.
“Babe?” Bokuto gasps as he walks over, an appalled expression on his face and a hand clutching his imaginary pearls.
Kuroo doesn’t even have a chance to play his part because Bokuto is too far into character and continues on, “What the hell is going on? I go to the bathroom for two months and when I come back you’ve found yourself a new guy?”
“Two months is a long time to poo, you couldn’t have expected me to-”
“I’m lactose intolerant, you insensitive bitch, I trusted you-” Bokuto interrupts before whipping around to face the neckbeard, “And you? You think you can make my strawberry cream puff happy? Do you even know the first thing about him? What’s his bra size? Huh? Do you even know the fucking basics? No matter how hot his body is, he doesn’t look good in a rainbow dash cosplay-”
“How would you know?” Kuroo slams his hands on the table, eyes glinting with unconcealed emotion (no one is sure what that emotion is, exactly, but it’s obvious it’s a strong one). “He treats me better than you ever had! And he looks way better in a fedora than you ever will-”
“I should have killed you while I had the chance.” Bokuto spits and Kuroo shakes his head, the tears streaming freely down his face. They hold their intense eye contact until the man silently slips out of the booth and walks away.
“You think I have a hot bod?” Kuroo asks after a few seconds, genuinely touched.
“Yeah.” Bokuto nods seriously, “The hottest.”
“…babe..” Kuroo whispers.
“Sweetheart…” Bokuto whispers back, slipping into the newly vacated seat across from Kuroo to fill in as his date. They live happily ever after.