ONE-STAR REVIEWS OF THE AENEID

(because this was way too fun to not do again)

“Why cant we do a unit on say, Vampire Academy or DIVERGENT!!!!!! That would be amazingly amazing, but nooooo we have to read junk that was written 30 kajilion years ago because it is ‘more educational and important than silly scifi love triangles’”

“poor man’s Homer” 

“blatant plagiarism” 

“I flamed out around book 3”

“I don’t care if it’s a classic. I don’t care if Dante loved it. I hated it.”

“felt a lot like watching a really long action movie”

“Got bored of the audiobook at book 7 of 12 and wikipedia’d the story”

“let’s face it: Juno’s a vindictive bitch and Aeneas is pretty wooden”

“Book twelve is just beheadings. So is book eleven. And book ten…”

“like a mythology episode of the X-Files”

“All the women are psychotic and King Lineus is a moron. Plus, Virgil was totally kissing Caesar Augustus’s butt.”

“ If you think translating thousands of lines of Latin into English brings out the excitement of the story, you’re wrong.”

And my personal favorite:

“A gifted poet’s account of playing Mario Brothers to level 7.”

  • me, about to meet someone for the first time:ok be cool, you want to make a good impression
  • me five seconds later:did you know that publius vergilius maro, the author of the aeneid, once wrote an entire 570 line poem about bees? vergil was also said to have run away and hidden himself when anyone recognized him at rome, which is what i will now do if i ever see you again, for i have shamed myself and my ancestors