Another good spell component to put curses on Donald Trump would be Velveta and I’ve got a couple good reasons.

While cheese is something that you find in almost every household, it is often associated with higher society. It can range from super cheap to shockingly expensive. And then you have cheese product like Velveeta- which is not even cheese. And I mean… Trump pretends to be a success but he’s got a long list of failures and bankruptcies that I think applies well to this analogy. Velveeta, pretends to be cheese. Trump- pretends to be a success. 

Look at it. It is so orange:

So orange. 

But most notably, let’s consider the defining quality of Velveeta:

The thing comes in a solid block that can be cut up when its cold, but as soon as you apply a little heat heat…

It melts. 

And not a week goes by that I don’t hear this:

So here’s what I’m thinking. 

-slice off a chunk of that cheese-flavored product and carve it to look like the dude. Maybe draw a tie. And a hat. Or a combover. 

-Stick him in a saucepan and let him get comfortable there. 

-Then when he least expects it, turn on the burner (to medium, because too hot will ruin the pan.)

-Watch him melt down. 

-Now, you can just throw him away if you want, but I don’t like wasting food. Pour it over tortilla chips and EAT HIM TO ABSORB HIS POWER.

Watch on


Watch on

The Pure Noise tour starts tomorrow in Albany, NY! #velveta #blessed #fccwhatmattersmost

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