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canucks: Time to beat: 00:32:97…🥅💨

NHL regular season 2016-17

Arizona Coyotes & Buffalo Sabres

Boston Bruins

Chicago Blackhawks

Colorado Avalanche

Columbus Blue Jackets

Dallas Stars

Edmonton Oilers

Florida Panthers

Montreal Canadiens

Philadelphia Flyers

Pittsburgh Penguins

San Jose Sharks

Toronto Maple Leafs

Vancouver Canucks

Washington Capitals

Winnipeg Jets

When you have your main teams you support but you also love specific players in the other teams and because you love them you kinda love their team too, so you're stuck loving all the teams like the hoe that you are

NHL Coach Lingo

  • “Day-to-day” = damnit man, I’m a coach not a doctor.
  • “Lower body injury” = could be a toe, could be a knee, could be the groin, could be diarrhea.
  • “We’re not worried” = we’re losing but I can’t very well say ‘we’re boned’ on TV.
  • When asked how they plan on scoring: “uh, you know, we’re just gonna hockey harder than the other team and hope hockey happens. We can play hockey but we need to play hockier hockey.”
  • “We lost because we didn’t score” = I’m literally only here so I won’t get fined.
  • “We lost but there’s another game so we just have to play” = boys are bag skating tomorrow, nothing but bag skating.
  • After getting interviewed by Pierre McGuire: “I would love to stuff that mic up your nose.”
  • “We just need to bring our A game” = I’m literally just gonna be praying to the hockey God’s the whole game.

Hockey Returns vol. 100.  Excited!

If you don't ugly cry over hockey then have you really experienced hockey?
4

New Jerseys being released this month

NHL Departments & Officials

  • Referee = basically bats because they can’t see shit during the day or at night.
  • Coaches = Angry bench bear
  • Assistant coaches = Angry bench bear 2.0
  • Equipment staff = wizards
  • Medical staff = also wizards
  • Goalie coaches = keeper of the mashmellow optimus primes
  • Owners = people who get involved in shit they probably shouldn’t.
  • Player safety = five dudes standing in a dark room picking punishments out of a hat.
  • Penalty box attendants = pout palace knights
  • Toronto Review board = people who sit in a dark room and flip a coin to decide calls.
  • Arena announcers = voice of hockey gods
  • Official doctors = not Joffery Lupul’s friends
  • Gary Bettman = Mr. Crabs from Spongebob