Imagine Loki and Thor being in Avengers Tower when there is a power cut and the Avengers not knowing what to do, as the arc reactor was affected also, so Loki purposely irritates Thor until the other God is incandescent with rage and randomly letting off sparks of electricity. Tony encourages him to continue until he gets Thor to emit enough electricity that he jump starts the Arc reactor again.
Imagine having a thing for biting and a habit of biting yourself (Your lips, fingers, etc). Loki discovers this and encourages it by asking you to bite him whenever you feel the urge to bite yourself (though you rarely do so to him) and even engages in some biting of his own frequently.
I think it was over for me when I realized I was more in love with the memories than I was with the person right in front of me. I was always apologizing for hurting you with my abundance of words, yet I was the one on the floor with blood streaming down my body from your words that felt like knives.
It took a long time for me to stop feeling the familiar pang in my chest when our song came on shuffle, and it took time to have thoughts in my mind that were more worth words on paper than you were. It took the longest to be able to see myself with someone else, see myself without you.
I have admitted to myself that I have been talking about you like you aren’t already gone. I have turned over our past in my palms and looked at all the ugliness and bitter emotions I have been hiding from myself for so long. Maybe it wasn’t always heaven, maybe it was hell. After all, the devil isn’t always red with a pitchfork; sometimes the devil has brown hair and blue eyes that are easy to get lost in, which is exactly what I did.
Well, I am finding myself again. I scraped myself clean and now I’m rebuilding myself from the ground up. I will get the urge to call you and say, “Look at me now, I have changed, I’m new”, but I never do because I know better than to let myself get caught in your orbit again. My self-love is stronger than my urge.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you work for it, people just don’t fit together. I may die for you, but I won’t live for you.
I still have to fight the urge: the urge to starve myself, the urge to slit my wrist, the urge to tie a knot, the urge to take too many pills, the urge to make a loop, the urge to step up and in, the urge to wear the necklace I have made, the urge to jump, the urge to fall into Wonderland.