Up-Not-North

it’s so weird hearing americans talk about Target© as some kind of semi-religious holy space of reasonably priced goods and services, bc in it’s short, fever-dream existence up here in the frozen north it was… Not Good. 

in my experience with the three (3) i went to in the surrounding area it was. uh. you know when you step into a place and there’s nothing immediately noticeably wrong but you can just Feel that this is a Bad Space? like the kind of space where if you catch a glimpse of your mother walking down an aisle and turning a corner you know it’s a demonic trick and if you follow her it’ll lead you down a path to a dark space you can’t return from?

or you go in with your friend who’s right next to you but you get a text from them saying “hey i’m in the shoe aisle, you should come here” and you know it’s a trap from the devil? like other things:

  • only half of the dim, washed out, often flickering fluorescent lights were lit at any given time, usually only every-other set, leaving these valleys of darkness that made entire aisles inaccessible for fear of shadow people latching on to your soul like a dark passenger. 
  • entire sections were just Empty. empty shelves with no product, never any employees filling them up, no boxes waiting to be unpacked, no signs saying what should be there.
  • no employees at all actually? wandering around the store even though the parking lots were full and you walked in with a group of 20 or so felt so lonely. you could walk the whole place and it was dead silent and the only other “people” around always were several aisles away with their back turned, unmoving. there was always only one cashier and there was never anyone in her line.
  • there was never any music on or announcements played? another place that does this are all the dollar trees in my area and it gives me anxiety. i feel like i’m being hunted, like i have to hold my breath and listen for the footsteps of beasts in other aisles. 
  • the fitting rooms had a strange, dark energy to them. it felt like if you ever used them, whatever universe you closed the door on would not be the same one you stepped out into when you were done. the washrooms also contained this same dark energy.
  • passing the employees-only doors felt like wandering too close to a bears den. the glass windows never showed anything going on back there, no racks of product, no employees milling around. it was just pitch black, complete darkness. a hungry void.
  • leaving a target was the same disorienting feeling as leaving a dark theatre and exiting into the light. sound and colour and feeling rush back in. you feel like you can breathe again. a weight is lifted from your shoulders. you can’t remember any of the time you spent inside the target.

it is my sincere belief that the targets in canada never existed. the storefronts were put up, yes, but the stores themselves were vast empty caverns filled with dark dreams and sinister interlopers. passing through the automatic doors was meant to teleport us to the nearest american location, but something went wrong and we entered an unnatural zone halfway between the upside down and whatever it was that happened in the langoliers. 

i believe the balls outside target are carefully crafted and powerfully attuned magical artifacts that keep up the illusion known as Target©, but were incorrectly spaced in canada due to a mixup between the metric and imperial systems of measurement, and that is why the brief twilight zone episode that was canadian target collapsed virtually overnight.

direwolf-kings-in-the-north  asked:

Honestly the moment she was like 'I'll burn you alive' I was like 'LOL NOPE NOT SUPPORTING YOU ANYMORE'. Gods. She is so... arrogant. And when she said Jon will bend the knee, like???? Really??? You think Jon's just gonna give up the North like that????? Are you mad? Also, I desperately want him to quote the free folk and be like 'I kneel for no man (or woman)' lol

i mean i still kinda root for her i but i feel like she wants to give off the impression of being strong and confuses that with stupid violence? i guess she thinks no one will respect her if she’s not super cold and aggressive? but varys point was so understandable and clear, why does she have to threaten him after he swears allegiance to her? 

and yes jon and dany are probably the most stubborn people in westeros, how the heck are they going to work this out?? i’m really wondering whether jon will be able to persuade dany of the white walker threat.. because nobody in her court has ever seen one, so why should she belive jon? ugh the scene is probs going to be so frustrating?? 

anonymous asked:

what do you think of the report that PIT offered $1.95M and Dumoulin asked for $4.35M

I think $4.35m is a lot of money and the Pens are smart not to cave to that. I do think the final salary will end up north of 2mill though, but hopefully somewhere around 2.1 - 2.5m. Anything higher than that is too much imo.

I’m going to seriously die if the major conflict between Bitty and his parents this year isn’t him coming out, but if Bitty and Suzanne legit fall out over him using Aunt Judy’s jam recipe. 

Imagine Bitty and Suzanne, in true Southern fashion, the subtle and not-so-subtle passive-aggressive snipes and asides:

“Oh, Dicky, I was planning to send you a care package, but I’ve seen how much you enjoy getting things from your Aunt Judy–” 

“Mother, please–” 

“She shared some of those pictures from Mr. Alexei, showing off all that jam you sent to the Falconers! They must’ve loved that recipe so much, Dicky!” 

“Well, yes, but–” 

“And you couldn’t’ve gotten all those berries up north, so I figured she must’ve sent some up already. Me sending any, they’d’ve just gone to waste! What. a. shame. that would’ve been.” 

And of course it escalates, to where they’re gritting their teeth through every conversation and furiously complain to their partners after every time they speak. 

Coach, of course, doesn’t care, and wants to stay out of it, but Bitty interprets his silence for taking his mother side. And Bitty probably was already thinking about staying part of the summer in Providence with Jack…. 

Mentioning that to Suzanne, however, opens up a whole new can of worms:

“You’re neglecting your family!” 

“It’s just one summer!”

“It was just one batch of Judy’s jam, at first! Now you’re making it like you’re fixin’ to feed an army, and when’s the last time you made our recipe, hm?”

“That’s not the same thing and you know it, Mother–”

“But it’s tradition. You always come down for the 4th of July!”

“I can do to skip one year. They’re’ll be plenty more to come.”

“Do they even celebrate the 4th up there?” 

“Oh for–Yes, Mother. If I stay with Jack we’ll celebrate Canada Day, too. That’s twice the celebrating! Twice the tradition.” 

“Don’t take that tone with me, young man.” 

“Mother–” 

“–I just don’t know what’s got into you, Dicky! It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!” 

At that point the fight gets real.  Tempers flare, Words are spoken, and tears are shed, and in the end, Bitty snaps: 

“You know what’s got into me? Fine. I’m gay. I’m dating Jack. and I’m staying with my boyfriend over the summer. Deal with it, Mother!”

At which point Suzanne snaps back: 

“Well fine! That still doesn’t excuse your sorry excuse for preserves!” 

and hangs up on him. 

She calls him back immediately: 

“And just so you know, Jack Zimmermann is a wonderful young man who is welcome in my house any time. You are free to come home as soon as you come off that high horse’ve yours and re-learn some manners!”

She hangs up again. 

And that is my happy head canon of how Bitty comes out to his mother and doesn’t speak to her again for two months, not because he’s gay, but because of jam. 

Jack Zimmermann, on the other hand, receives a congratulatory call, a warm welcome into the family, and weekly care packages with rainbow-themed note cards saying “To Jack, my favorite son.” (You didn’t think Bitty got his saltiness from Coach, did you?) 

(For his part, Coach calls Bitty for an awkward but warm “So your mother says you’re gay, that right? Dating Zimmermann, too? Well. Guess you got some good taste there, Junior.”)

Dan and Phil’s Secret Project Conspiracy

Sometime in January Dan, Phil, and their management started following an account called @farazosman after he first followed them.

Faraz Osamn is a Director who manages a company called Lemonade Money. They help make documentaries and music videos for people.

This started the theory that dan and phil could be working on another secret project.

On May 7th, 2016 Osman had this interaction with @tunephil

Which is what made me start digging in the first place.

I followed his twitter, looked through all his replies and favorites from the past year. I followed his instagram and even his snapchat.

I came across this post on his instagram

Back in 2013 Dan and Phils address had been leaked, so I knew where they used to live and what the street they were on looked like. (at first i thought this was on dan and phils street because the windows are the same and the street looks identical to when dan was dancing in the street for truth or dare but apparently it’s not?)

Now on January 29th when this photo was posted, they were leaving for Phil’s birthday up north, so this photo could be from earlier or he met with them before they left. Who knows

Another post he has is called “digital love” which I just find cute

Dan had mentioned in February that they were ‘working on a thing’ that we 'might see later’ as well as that rough week he had in March.

In may when I was looking at all this I also came across Osman’s instastory of himself editing something called “episode 1 *rainbow emoji*” that I never saved a photo of -__-

But with all this I really feel like they are working on a documentary. Wither its just of their lives together and how they met or something else

also in dans liveshow 7/18/17 he slipped up and said he was working on a ‘film’ when he meant danisnotonfire ?? 


- Emily 

Dean can be a stubborn jerk sometimes.

Sam has been growing up with that since he’s able to remember and though his mighty weapon, the powerful puppy dog look, proved to be successful occasionally, Dean’s an insistent pighead more often than not. It’s a beloved Winchester trait he liked to nurse for a very long time.

But, thankfully, somewhere along the way Castiel showed up and turned Dean into a compliant puddle of goo almost instantly.

Because his dear big brother is obviously incapable of saying no to those big, blue angel eyes.

A very helpful turn of events, that’s for sure.

So when Sam finds himself in need of an agreeable Dean, he just goes straight to Castiel.

“Cas, I need your help,” he says one day. “I have a favor to ask of Dean and, well …”

“I see.” Castiel grabs a cup of coffee and studies Sam intently. “How can I be of assistance?”

Sam smiles relieved. Castiel’s easy acceptance is always something to cherish. “Well, it’s kinda big, I’ve gotta confess –”

Castiel nods like he totally understands. “You want a dog.”

Sam blinks a few times, staring at the angel. “Uh …”

Actually he just wanted to borrow the Impala for about a week (or maybe a bit longer) to visit some libraries high up north, but this … this is way too important to simply wave it off. “Why … why would you think that?”

Castiel tilts his head. “Because of the way you always look at dog owners playing with their pets in the park. It’s the same face Dean makes when he’s seeing a pie he can’t have.”

Sam ducks his head. He’s apparently been way to obvious if even an angel still learning human mannerisms is able to call him out.

“Well, yeah …” he mumbles.

Castiel straightens his back. “I will talk to Dean.”

Sam casts him an incredulous look. “You … you seriously think you could get me a dog?”

“Of course,” Castiel states simply, sipping his coffee and looking freaking confident.

Sam snorts at that. “Sorry, man,” he counters. “But even you can’t bring Dean to get us a dog!”

Castiel raises an eyebrow, the “Is that a challenge?” clear as day.

“Okay, fine,” Sam concedes, chuckling. “Show me what you got! Perform a fucking miracle!”

Castiel takes a last gulp and then marches out of the room like a man on a mission, calling Dean’s name.

And just five minutes later Dean drops onto the chair across from Sam, looking a bit rumpled and dazed, before eventually clearing his throat in a very melodramatic fashion. “Okay, bitch, listen up!” he announces in his bossy you’re-not-allowed-to-contradict-me voice. “There are a lot of things to discuss before we’re getting that stupid dog, you hear me?”

And while Dean keeps talking about rules and restrictions, Sam can’t do anything else than gape at Castiel who is standing just behind Dean, smirking and mouthing “You’re welcome!”.

Damn!

just southern™ things

-the accent

-all’a’y’all, y’all’d’ve, combining those two somehow, and good luck trying to sound normal if the word has an I in it

-LAWD have MERcY 

-when you have non-southern friends who hear your accent for the first time and them telling you it’s cute

-everyone freaks out about looking nice for church

-that one part of your family that nobody likes bc they refuse to acknowledge ain’t is a word

-going up North and having your soul sucked out of you through the straw bc of the tea

-”Can I get a sweet tea?” “Oh do you mean iced tea (:”

-”get the groceries out of the buggy”

-when someone mentions how out it is outside and everyone is like “it’s one of them y a n k e e s”

-kids driving tractors on the roads

-”I have a job over the summer.” “Oh, cool! Where do you work?” “The tobacco fields.”

-When you live in a small town and the only restaurant around is fucking Bojangles

-When your blood pressure is low and you’re given sweet tea until you can get to food

-if you think there is enough sugar in the tea, you’re wrong. put more

-Potatoes are taters 

-”pull up yeR BRITCHES

-the teenage boys in highschool are always bragging about their coon hounds

-if you ain’t got moonshine are you even southern???

-Before he Cheats by Carrie Underwood

-When it snows all school is out for y e a r s

-don’t backtalk ya mama, ever

-^^southern wrath

-”I’ll pray for you!!!!!!”

-hurricane/tornado season

-if you don’t refer to elders as sir/ma’am be prepared for a speech

-everyone goes further south over the summer, think you can’t go anymore? wrong. keep going

-myrtle beach

-farms literally everywhere

-sitting outside with your family/friends in the evening listening to the crickets/bullfrogs/animals and smelling the honeysuckles as a soft breeze cools everything down

-^ while drinking tea

-homemade meals

feel free to add on

Tegus originated in South America, where they’re a lot more tolerated than up north. Now, these scaly motherfuckers are pouring into Florida, where they were imported by exotic pet breeders to sell to hapless owners who realize too late that this Chamber Of Secrets resident isn’t the best companion, and proceed to set them loose into the wild. One person alone is known to be responsible for releasing thirty of these bastards into the Florida wilderness, where they’ve started breeding out of control, as Florida’s climate makes it a hospitable environment to both reptiles and eldritch horrors. Now they’ve started showing up on the properties of people who often mistake them for small alligators, which is apparently no cause for alarm among Florida homeowners.

And these critters, straight out of a bad 80s horror movie, aren’t going anywhere. Each female can lay up to 35 eggs per year and experts say it’s impossible for them to estimate how many of them are already out there. They hide underground in the winter, emerging in the spring like Satan’s hunger made flesh. They mostly roam on land, but, like any good swamp monster, can lurk underwater for long periods of time if need be. Their population is highest in the Miami and Tampa Bay areas, but they’ve been spotted as far as Panama City. That’s right: They’re moving north.

7 Horrifying Pest Infestations You Had No Clue Were Possible

Aye I once was a kid all I had was a dream
Mo’ money mo’ problems, when I get it I’m a pile it up
Yeah I’m dope wonderbread we can toast
So fresh how we flow, everybody get their style from us
I once was a kid with the other little kids
Now I’m whippin’ up shows and ‘em fans goin’ wild with us
Tell mommy I’m sorry
This life is a party
I’m never growing up

(team north america’s goal horn)

Love Confessions masterlist

fics where one confesses their love to the other

3 Weeks Is Way Too Long - philingdan

Summary: Dan and Phil are bestfriends and they can’t spend three weeks apart from each other so they decide to go up north together. When they get there, Phil’s grandma insinuates something, and Dan has something to confess.

All Drugged Up - venuslester

Summary: Dan is full of morphine and is pretty damn drousy and as Phil takes him home, Dan lets go of a confession he would have never made in his right state of mind.

Alone, Then Not So Alone - philsdrill

Summary: It was one of their few nights in a hotel during TATINOF and Phil was alone and feeling a bit homesick. Eventually he gives in and makes a visit next door to Dan’s room, despite it being the middle of the night. Dan comforts his worries and invites him to stay with him for the night. A confession from Phil leads to a change in their relationship…

An Early Christmas Present - snowbunnylester

Summary: Dan and Phil have been best friends for four years, and this Christmas Dan plans on confessing under the mistletoe.

Best Friends Before Lovers? (ao3) - wekingsandprettythings

Summary: Dan and Phil are moving again, all their friends think its weird that they do everything together even though they aren’t “together”. They don’t show any signs of ever wanting to be apart. Que talks about the future and coming to terms with being in love.

Finding Love In Fear - phannosaurusdil

Summary: Dan and Phil set about to watch a horror film, despite Dan bigging it up all day and showing his enthusiasm, Phil has no idea that Dan is actually scared of Horror Films. Who would of guessed that confessions about their feeling would soon start flying.

Fools With Benefits - irphanfic

Summary: Dan and Phil have a ‘‘friends with benefits’‘ kind of relationship. They are both in love and afraid to confess in case the lose each other. What will happen when they both decide to come clear with the other on the same day which happens to be Phil’s brother’s wedding? Will everything turn out okay?

Gosh, Your Lips Look Delicious - euphania

Summary: Dan and Phil are childhood friends and adult sense something.

Homophobic - phanjam

Summary: AU where Dan is blatantly homophobic, and is very vocal about it. That is, until his best friend and roommate Phil Lester can’t take it anymore and confesses to Dan.

I Less Than Three You Too - tolkienrowlingfan

Summary: Dan and Phil are friends with benefits and Dan is in love with Phil. One night drunk Phil confesses his love to Dan and sleeps knowing nothing. This is morning after from Phil’s pov.

Let Me Be Your Light - uhnonniemiss

Summary: A blind fan meets Dan and Phil and asks them to describe each other, and confessions are made.

Message On A Napkin - interrupted-by-fireworks

Summary: Phil and Dan go to a party and Dan gets really drunk, which results in some very interesting confessions.

Paper Stars - botanistlester

Summary: Dan starts to get love notes in his locker in the form of origami stars, so he gets the help of his best friend, Phil, to figure out who it is.

Skype Confession - writingphanfiction

Summary: Phil decides to confess his love for Dan in a skype call.

Two Is Better Than One - phanttm

Summary: Dan and Phil through the years. Both of them like each other but none of them have the courage to confess their attraction to each other until one fine day. Basically, really fluffy and kinda domestic :)

Whiteboard Confessions - phan-panda

Summary: Phil confesses his feelings for Dan and doesn’t get the reaction he’s expecting. He plays it off as a joke but the truth comes out when they’re at the radio show.

Wanna learn about HoneyBees and Honey?

I’m not going to start discourse on this publicly so if you want to talk to me you’ll have to pm me about it or send a non anon ask, but

bee keepers do NOT hurt or stress out bees to get their honey.

Yes we supplement them with sugar water during the droughts and when flowers aren’t at their peak.

Those up north also supplement them with sugar water as well as their own honey to make sure that they will last over the winter. 

No, it is not cheaper to kill your bees than take care of them over the winter. No one does that. It costs 150 or more for a starting nucleus of bees which doesn’t give you enough to get excess honey until after a year so to get enough bees off the bat to jump back to where you were you’d need hundreds of dollars and that clearly isn’t cheaper than wrapping them up with some of their honey and some sugar water. 

No, people don’t go into their hives during the winter storms in the snow to give them sugar water instead of leaving them honey. even with flowers bees use a mason jar of sugar water all up in 2-3 days, you don’t take all their honey and give them gallons of sugar water. Thats not even practical. Don’t listen to these lies. 

No you don’t kill any bees by taking their honey. There are multiple boxes, bottom boxes are for babies, brood boxes, theres a separator so the queen doesn’t make babies in the top boxes, called supers. On the top boxes, you take out the frames and bees move by themselves, some people smoke them away before lifting the frames, or you can take a very soft bristle brush called a bee brush and usher them. Usually they don’t stay messing around on capped honey though. 

Facts about smokers! Can smokers hurt bees? Truth? Yes. They CAN. Doesn’t mean they do. People usually use pellets or pine needles and natural things in their smokers that they can just pick up off the ground. They don’t produce a hot smoke. You can easily check this by spraying your arm and if its too hot for you its too hot for the bees, which it never is if you use the right stuff. Otherwise the smoker works by interrupting their dances and vibrations to each other that tell them to work. Instead they go deeper into their hive closer to the queen to get her signals back. This doesn’t hurt them, just interrupts them for a minute so that you don’t hurt or squish them when taking out frames. 

Bees need us. Only 6% of wild honey bees last in the wild. They have a LOT of enemies and without us they would be extinct at the moment. They need help against mites, many beetles, wasps, bears, and other little buddies you can find in the wild. We check their young, make sure they are growing properly, get enough food and water, and need help to properly split when there are too many of them and taking their honey is like helping them by cleaning the clutter in their house because they make more honey than they can use. They wont just stop working, keeping them in place is vital for their survival. 

I’m just really tired of the lies about bees and if people protest against honey or beekeepers. I’m sure you’ve all seen the posts about how most of our produce and plants will go away. They need us as much as we need them. 

Also note, 75% of honey in grocery stores is just a weird sugar substitute in a form that replicates honey. So if you want to support the bees, please pay attention to what you buy! 

Sorry if this turns people off, but this is very important to me and one of the only places I can actually get word out. I’m very blessed to have you all with me and once I’m all settled I will do that giveaway I was talking about with stim toys! Thanks for listening <3