This is what happens when I have late night conversations with @scully-loves-ruthie and we find epic gifs that just leave us howling. This also features the prompt ‘I think you need stitches’ from @frangipanidownunder and ‘Are you trying to flirt? Because you’re embarrassing yourself’ from anon. It’s just ridiculous fluff but I promised @frizzyhairedbitch85 some fluff so here it is. @today-in-fic
It’s fair to say I have seen Mulder in some fairly compromising situations during our long and chequered partnership and while occasionally his actions have left me mildly bemused as to how to proceed, the sight of my partner - a law enforcement officer no less - standing practically naked at the dessert table surrounded by an assortment of senior citizens who are staring with mouths agape as he happily washes his face with the warm brown liquid chocolate that is streaming from the fountain that is the table’s central attraction is a fucking new one on me.
But I should probably start at the beginning.
We found ourselves ensconced in this mid-size town at the edge of nowhere a few days ago, the reports of an apparition of the spectral peeping Tom variety terrorising the young female population had piqued Mulder’s interest although I’m still not completely convinced exactly which part of the case had held such appeal to him that it necessitated a flight across country before the ink had even dried on the 302.
REGINA: (bites inside of cheek to keep from chuckling) Yes. I dare say you are. But WHY are you?
EMMA: I think Hook might have put something in my drink. You know, to mega-fy (hiccups) the power of them.
REGINA: (angry frown) I believe he has. Even drunk you wouldn’t be messing up words this badly. Where is that sea-scum?
EMMA: Out cold! I punched him out. I saw you walking by and told Ruby to call one of my deputies to pick him up.
REGINA: I’m sure he’ll try to sweet talk his way back into your good graces. The man is repugnant.
EMMA: Oh it doesn’t matter. We’re through. Finished. Over.
REGINA: Oh? Well that’s…
EMMA: Kaput. Done. Sayonara.
REGINA: I get it, Miss Swan. (witnesses Emma’s eyes rake down her body and back up so she inspects her own clothes as well) What?
EMMA: You’re hot! (hiccups)
REGINA: (startled) Excuse me?
EMMA: (fans self) It’s hot out here. Aren’t you hot? You’re making me hot.
REGINA: I… (frowns) … You do mean temperature hot, right? I mean…
EMMA: Yes and no. I mean you’re making me really horny, Regina, and I want to (hiccups) off take my clothes because I’m suddenly hot. (begins unbuttoning her thin sweater)
REGINA: (eyes bug out) Emma! You will not “off take” any clothes out here! (looks around) What the hell did that imbecile put in your drink?
EMMA: (throws arms around Regina’s waist and hugs her) Truth serum for all I know, because I am feeling very truthful right now. (hiccup) I love you, Regina.
REGINA: (face flushes and a smile forms on her lips) I see.
EMMA: Shhhh! (puts a finger to Regina’s lips and not her own) Do you feel that?
REGINA: (holds Emma’s finger away but embraces Emma back) Feel what?
EMMA: (clings to Regina) The rotation of the Earth.
REGINA: (clears her throat, unlocks their embrace and pulls Emma’s arm around her shoulder) I am not going to hold any of this against you, Emma. You are drunk and possibly drugged. (She holds Emma up as they walk a few steps.) When I get my hands on that foul, despicable, loathsome…
EMMA: Regina… Regina… Hey! You wanna know what rhymes with inebritated…
REGINA: (shakes head and chuckles) I shudder to ask. What?
REGINA: (stops abruptly, raises an eyebrow and peers into the woman’s face and eyes her very close lips, sighs) Damn it.
EMMA: (as they continue walking) Don’t you want to have sex with me?
REGINA: (carefully stares at the ground and groans in frustration) We had better get you home and into bed, Emma.
EMMA: Now that is what I am talking about!
REGINA: (shakes her head) To sleep!
EMMA: I disagree. I think you should take me back to your house and put me in your bed.
REGINA: (another frustrated groan, mumbles under her breath) I’m going to KILL that hook-handed moron.
EMMA: Why? He’s in jail.
REGINA: Because he’s slipped you something and I am being inadvertently teased!
EMMA: I’m NOT teasing. Take me home and I’ll prove it. I will totally taste your “forbidden fruit”. I like fruit. I think I’d really like your fruit, Regina. I’ve dreamt about it before. Did you know? All warm and juicy and…
REGINA: HOME! I’m taking you to your home.
EMMA: Aww, boo!
(They walk in silence a few steps embracing and swaying.)
EMMA: Hey… Regina?
REGINA: Yes, Emma.“
EMMA: Once we get to my place and before you put me to bed. If you want to take all my clothes off, I’m totally down for that.
REGINA: (snorts and shakes her head) Good to know.
EMMA: I’ve got nice smooth fruit.
REGINA: (frustrated groan, mutters) Cripple him and then kill him.
I went to the hospital today for my severe migraine because I just couldn’t take it anymore. After a few hours of waiting in the waiting room, I was taken back. Then a doctor came by, checked my reflexes and movement abilities (to see if anything was wrong neurologically). I then had blood taken, then had a CT scan done, for the first time in my life. Finally a woman came by with two syringes, one for pain and one for nausea.
Long story short, I am absolutely gone. I couldn’t even make it out of the car and to the door on my own. So very high and I have no migraine left!
Thankfully I’d asked my actual father to take me to the hospital and he also took me home. I now lay on the couch because I’m too high to climb the stairs to go to bed.
Also, I don’t think the anti-nausea stuff worked. Anytime I move I get dizzy and then immediately nauseous again.
Still, it’s okay because I will be passing out probably right now. After posting this.