A Promise (Peter Parker Head-canon)
Anon asked: ‘hey riley, as we didn’t see uncle ben in homecoming, how do you
think peter reacted to ben’s death? did he scream when he found, or did
he cried intensely? or do you think he didn’t utter a word for like 2
weeks? i’d like to know your opinion on that’
On Uncle Ben’s Death:
Ben’s death ripped a piece of his very soul from him. There are parts of Peter that were buried beneath dirt and grass; parts of a boy disappearing; alternative paths, experiences, and words sinking with that casket to never be realized. Ben was everything that his father was not, but more than that, he was his father. So, when the apartment filled with red and blue, and that knock broke the illusion of forever, sound of it like a cruel joke; a crude imitation of a heart that no longer beat; as words rung out like thunder, loud, deafening, terrifying; the blurred edges of stormy eyes watched, burned, captured forever the sight of May shattering, he shattered too.
In the days after, he retreated into himself; losing the parts of him that hadn’t already disappeared past the bloodied edges of bullet wounds and polished wood. He was lost, confused, bitter, and angry; lashing out, his words sometimes so full of venom that they hurt. Being angry made him more angry; he hated that finger, the one that had pulled the trigger for making it so easy to pull his own, to aim that gun at the wrong people just as he had. It made him angrier still that everyone he shot at always understood; the sad smiles and watery eyes aimed at him pulling at every unbroken heart string that he still had left.
May was the only one to see him cry. They cried together. There were some nights; the ones where exhausted red and blue lights blended with black, and the hours slowed but sped up all at the same time; flashing memories doing their best to call for back-up, to fight in the unresolved battle raging in the heart of that angry, confused, terrified, guilty boy, where he would wander into their room; carpet tickling at bare feet, half covered by too-long pajamas that once belonged to the man who was both father and husband, the man who was wholly good. He would crawl into sheets soaked in tears and nightmares, but also in love; the mixed scent of her and him that still lingered, and they would cry together.
Peter loved May for this; for those arms that were always open, even when they were aching and dripping with sorrow themselves. It was for her, for that look in her eyes, for that lingering smell, that always present taste in the air that he found it in himself to try again. It was for her that he smiled. It was for her that he stopped firing. It was for her that he stopped wearing Ben’s clothes to bed. It was for him that he pushed aside that part of his anger that whispered words like; ‘kill,’ ‘avenge,’ and ‘hurt.’
It was for love and family that he made a teary promise over fresh blades of green grass, fingers brushing against cold stone that was so unlike the warmth of his uncle that it hurt. He would never kill. It was that promise that rang true in his heart anytime he punched a little too hard, anytime he kicked, hit, threw, swung, or strung up someone like that finger that had pulled the trigger. When he looked through the mask he wore when facing the world and into the eyes of those who thought only of themselves, he allowed those red and blue lights to swarm his vision, thunderous knocks and heart breaking cries leaving so loved lips to echo through too-sensitive ears, and he remembered, and he forgave.
He would never kill.
Because even though the people he fought against were unlike his Ben had been in every way, they were all someone to somebody, and he wouldn’t be the reason some other heart broke, or pieces of another soul were torn away from a life prematurely.
Tag list: @radicalstars @klenasdmitry @dej-okay @spiderling–parker @walkers-imagine @spookeyspidey @kauffdrop @ironspiderling @tomissoprettywow @planet-holland @tonky-stank @darlingimafangirl @someweirdassrandomphrase @babyfairyjongin @stephie-senpai @alllwebbedup @partytrickparker @hotcupofhollands @spider-bih @i-larb-spooderman @spideyology @i-love-superhero @tomhollnder @thegirlwiththeimpala @bhertrick