UGH-THIS-MADE-MY-LIFE

I remember the first time i understood what being undocumented really meant. I was in 5th grade and my class was reading this story about the author’s grandfather and how he migrated from overseas to the US and it was inspirational and nice and our teacher was all about celebrating where we come from and all that good stuff. She then asked us if any of us were born in a different country, and of fucking course I was the only one in that class that raised their hand. That classroom was so quiet all of a sudden; I still remember it so clearly because everyone was looking at me and I suddenly had everyone’s undivided attention. My teacher then asked me where I was born, and I said “México” because why would I lie about that, y'know? But then, right after she asked “But you’re here legally, right? Your family has papers?” right in front of everyone. And I said “yes” because that’s what my mom had taught me to say in case the question ever came up. And then my teacher has the audacity to tell me in front of all my classmates “well good, because being illegal is bad and there’s consequences for that” and I kinda realized right there and then that I wasn’t wanted in this country and that all that bullshit about celebrating where we come from applied to everyone else except me because I was “illegal” and “that’s bad.”

Requestor: I need an update on this project!

Me: ‘Kay, current ETA for that is [X DATE].”

[X DATE is passed because project failed internal testing]

Requestor: I demand an update on the project!

Me: All right, it went back to the developers for failing SQ.  Current new ETA is [Y DATE].

Requestor: The client is very upset that we passed the due date without producing anything for them to look at!

Me: …what due date.  Did you.  Did you promise the client an exact date of delivery when I gave you an ETA.  Why did you

Me: *checks requestor*

Me: you

.

Listening to The Lumineers because I’m sad (and they’re good) and want a hug and everything feels wrong. And I hate FEEELINGSS.

Now that I have made it to this new chapter in my life, I am scared shitless that it’s not going to work out or other people are not as happy with it. I can’t keep loosing people in my life.

I’m so HAPPY but not at the same time???? Like I feel like things are going to be good but right now is filled with so much uncertainty and ugh. Made the right choices removing the shitty people from my life and now I just want to fill my room with plants & nice smelling things & nice new friends :)))))