One of the worst things about bpd is that I can never fully trust anyone. You may be my friend of 10 years, but there is still that nagging voice in my head that tells me you are laughing at me behind my back. You may be my partner, but I will still be scared you’re setting me up. My bpd will always be there to remind me of the chance to be hurt if I let my guards down.

anonymous asked:

What are some placements that indicate trust issues

- Sun in Scorpio, Capricorn, Virgo, Taurus, Cancer
- Moon in Scorpio, Capricorn, Virgo, Gemini, Aquarius
- Mercury in Scorpio, Sagittarius, sometimes Virgo
- Venus in Scorpio, Capricorn, Virgo, Aries, Sagittarius
- Sun, moon, Venus in the eighth or twelfth house
- Pluto in the 3rd, 7th, 8th, 9th, 11th, or 12th house
- Sun/moon/Mercury/Venus in aspect to Pluto/Saturn

So when I was in elementary school, all of us were sitting around the table at lunch, and this kid was like, “I can say the alphabet backwards.”

And we were like, “Nooooo, it’s impossible.”

And he was insistent and then he did it. He did it and we were all freaking out because we were mere mortals in the presence of a god.

And then he giggled and pointed.

And we all turned and saw that the alphabet was painted on the wall.

And it’s been fifteen years, and I can still recall the bitter taste of betrayal.

Anywho, that’s the story of why I have trust issues.

Love you baby, 
That’s what was said.
But why do I got these thoughts? 
Running around my head. 
Ain’t been fed. 
Can’t go sleep. 
No retreat.
It’s just so sad. 
A moment of happiness.
And I’m just mad. 
No ability to put my finger
On the place, that hurts so mad.
I’m supposed to be happy, but I’m so sad. 
Is it true, do they really?
I do, I love you. 
But why can’t I believe.
I need a reprieve 
Because this happiness is torture
I’m lost in my quarter
My mind is thirsty 
The thoughts are water.
Is this what being in love is like?
My rationality is on a hike.
Is this really what loves like?
—  A poem about an individual with trust issues. Unable to believe their partner loves them. A poem about insecurity & love. At least once in our life, we have been here. 
Trusting someone you love shouldn’t have to be this hard.
—  Trust is something so strong… that once it’s broken… you can’t fix it. You change. I can’t ask you to trust me in the same way, but can you love us if I wrote to you everyday? If the trust never comes back, I’ll be fine with that. You can have my heart, keep it if you want. I know it has holes, they’re shallow. You won’t sink, but you can’t swim in them either.
Never date a guy that complains about how high your walls are. Date the guy who sees them and says “No matter how long it takes, I’ll tear them down. Have faith”
—  Me (So done with guys complaining about girls building walls around their heart)