Too happy to be alive

please be gentle with yourself. you’re trying. if it’s taking you longer than you thought to achieve something or get somewhere that’s okay. try not to compare yourself to others too much because not everyone gets to where they need to be right away. you’re alive that’s what matters. keep trying. you’ll get there.

Capulet girls + ssc modern au


What would I do without you?
Crash and burn.

It sits inside him like that night he drowned himself in stomach acid and his father’s whiskey. It sits there all heavy, all on his shoulders, all on his chest and in his teeth. It sits there bile-yellow, makes him feel sick.

You know to cradle it, to let it take home in you. You let it grow on you, give it your arms and neck and back to stretch into. It asks for a place to hide and you give it your open palms. It sleeps there, thorns and all, flowers and all. It is soft and wild and leaves red wherever it goes.

He can’t look you in the eye, says it feels like seasickness, like the nausea you get while spinning in circles. Says it makes him feel dizzy, makes him feel weak. You hold open your hands and all he sees are thorns, all he sees are yellow leaves and all the weight.

—  Reena B.What is it like to fall in love with someone who hates love?

Do you know what hurts me the most about ObiYuki? It’s that Obi and Shirayuki relationship right now is so good, so well developed, but is probably just being used as a way to “confuse” the readers.

Shirayuki and Zen relationship is also good, but for me, it lacks actual development. They got together so fast ( something I loved in the beginning), but now there is always this “tension” between them, which ends up difficulting their development. It is as if they just scratched the surface of each other, which wouldn’t be a big problem if the author didn’t decide to show us another relationship in which two people started getting to know each other in depth by actually spending time together and getting closer. There is a palpable difference in Obi and Shirayuki’s relationship from the beginning of the series to where they stand now. Again, this is in no way Zen or Shirayuki’s fault since they keep getting separated by their own duties, but it was a conscious choice made by the author.

Sure, we could see Obi and Shirayuki’s relationship as an old and good bromance/platonic relationship IF one side of the equation didn’t have romantic feelings for the other, and it is simply disappointing that the author is building this wonderful relationship between them… that is probably  going nowhere, because as we all know, their chances are low and the main ship will prevail in the end.

And this is where I get to my main point ( and the reason I’m writing this post in the first place lol), what will happen to Obi in the end?  Sure, he’s completely devoted to Zen and Shirayuki and support their relationship and happiness, but there’s a limit to how much you can stand seeing the person you love with someone else, even if you happy for them, and his feelings for Shirayuki are nowhere near to disappear ( they getting stronger, tbh).  Kiki and Mitsuhide are also going to be a couple sooner or later, but what about Obi? Is he going away after Shirayuki and Zen get together for good and leave the only place he felt like he belonged behind? Or will he stay with them while keep harboring feelings for Shirayuki? What I want to say is that, right now, I can’t see an ending where I’ll be satisfied when it comes to Obi, because there’s no ending where he will be truly happy.

Maybe (probably) I’m suffering in advance and the author will show us a way, but now I’m just … so, so frustrated.

PS: I’m in no way bashing ZenYuki* I know they’re good! I’m just frustrated to see a good chara being used as a plot device and getting my hope up just to be letting down at the ending,

Not only are we getting 2x06 on Monday, also known as the malec date ep with a special kiss, but after the ep we are also getting the promo for 2x07 aka alec ‘’cool gills’’ lightwood buys magnus a gift and will probably see his cat eyes too.

#what a time to be alive #they will be happy *im sobbing*


I am not watch the crit role slaughter tonight b/c im writin WMT but I am checking in with CR Stats every so often and it’s nice to know that Percy will be perpetually S.O.L in the Battle Royales

Goodbye, cuties, I'm going to drop tumblr

Dear Tumblr friends…

It’s been 2-3 years since I made this tumblr and it’s been quite a journey, and I’m really glad I made it because I found a lot of friends, love, inspiration, and so much amazing and lovely people whom I spend moments with…

There so much I learned, so much I shared, lived, laughed & stressed over about in this blog, even when it was anime related only, you guys were always so nice when I shared my personal posts, when I asked for asks to spend time, that asked me for edits when I wanted to make one but couldn’t decide…

I’ll take all those memories with me now, as I decide on dropping for good this tumblr. Like I said, it’s been a journey, and today this journey comes to an end… tbh I’m not going to delete this blog, after all, I can’t exactly detach myself from it so easily but at the same time I’m not really interested in keeping it updated anymore, it has become a boring thing to do and that’s not supposed to be the purpose of this blog.

I met a lot of great people thanks to this blog, I keep them all in my heart, all of you, Katie, Lelou, Aidah, Sen, Seda, Emma, Kat, Kisa, Momo, you guys, were amazing to me while I was here and I still have contact with must of you outside tumblr and that makes me so happy?!? I’m really happy I can still be friends with you all outside this website and I just can’t believe we have made it this far. I’m really thankful.

Anyway this is really long already so I’m just going to say, thank you for sticking with me all this time, through my Kuroshitsuji, Shingeki, Free!, Tokyo Ghoul, Magi & Bts phases, tbh just by following me I’m really grateful to you.

I hope I didn’t bother any of you with my spam, or with my bts posts when you didn’t want any kpop in your dashboards lmao, seriously, thank you for sticking with me even after that.

I love you all, and if you wanna keep contact or just want to talk to me I’ll leave my current active social media here:

Twitter: (warning: I tweet about bts on daily basis lmao)
Instagram: uriekookie
Line: kurokocchiz
Kakaotalk: Cyphertrash
Snapchat: montselovato

Thank you so much for this amazing 3 YEARS I LOVE YOU ALL.

With love,

Winners Don’t Always Get Lucky Breaks

OKAY FRIENDS. So this exists now. I could kick myself because it’s ALMOST as long as my big bang but I wrote it over 5 days instead of 2 months so…I dunno what that says about me. Anyways, POLITICAL INTRIGUE. ARRANGED MARRIAGE. ARK!AU. OLDER BELLARKE WHO DON’T GIVE A FUCK. (also kids. I’m sorry. I hate kid!fic but your solace is I actually have children and a stepkid so these kids are age appropriate and stuff) 

Thanks to my whatsapp girls for helping me keep the POLITICAL PLOTTING AND REVEGE straight. And thanks to Caitlin and Iara who read over to make sure that people who hadn’t seen the full timeline I worked up could understand what was going on. I’m making this sound more complicated than it is. omg. I’m sorry. 

Here on Ao3 

Or the working title: Arranged marriage AU where they have hate sex immediately.  


Bellamy Blake looked almost exactly as he did when she was in school, never mind that 10 years had past.

For a short time in her last year of secondary school, the year before she started her internship, two years before her father was floated and she was put in the skybox, there was widespread unrest on the Ark. Every year she could remember there was unrest, but this particular year, hers and Wells’ lives were threatened specifically. So for several months they both were guarded around the clock. And because many of the guards were found to be sympathizers of the opposing party, well, of course, there were only about four guards that worked the details. One of them was Bellamy Blake and Clarke spent a ridiculous amount of time keeping her blush under control and telling Wells that he was imagining her fidgeting. It was a schoolgirl crush and Clarke knew she made a fool of herself on a few occasions.

“Is the paperwork to your liking,” her mother prodded. Clarke looked up from the info pad and gave her a look.

“Looks like your standard ‘how to stop a coup before we run out of air’ type agreement.” She wasn’t sure but she thought she saw Bellamy Blake bite his lip to stop a laugh from escaping. It was out of her periphery, she was having some nostalgic feelings from school, and she couldn’t spare him a glance, she had to stare down her mother, but well, maybe.

“Clarke,” her mother scolded her like she wasn’t an adult with a dead husband, and a child, like she wasn’t about to be used again for her mother’s political gain. “Do you want to step outside?”

“No, Chancellor,” Clarke said with an air of condescension. “The paperwork looks fine. But I hope you’re going to buy us some new sheets or a punch bowl for the trouble.”

This time she was sure that Bellamy Blake snorted. His own representative, an older leader from factory station, sighed.

“And you, Mr. Blake?” Clarke’s mother turned now to him. He shrugged.

“I’d rather have new sheets. Punch bowls seem like an upper class thing and I can’t fathom when we’d ever use one. But I guess there will be parties now, huh? Do we have to have parties to show everything is happy and everyone is smiling?”

“People know this isn’t a marriage of love, you aren’t expected to put on a show,” the leader from factory station cut in.

“Sure, sure, but it looks better if we smile. I thought everyone from this side of the Ark was all about pomp and circumstance,” Bellamy replied looking pointedly at Clarke. Now she was irritated. It was always about the haves and the have-nots with people from any section below 5.

“We’re running out of air, the secret is out and our children and our parents’ lives are in danger.” Jake Griffin’s calculations were off by 10 years and Clarke was angry about the injustice of it all over again.

“My mother was floated already, as well as my wife, that’s why we’re sitting here right now. She was falsely convicted and you’re the only apology this sham of a government can come up with. ”

“Could float you too, that would tidy up the problem nicely, but since you’re popular down there in Section 17, despite not wanting to take a bullet for my mother’s mistakes, I’m here. For everyone’s good. To get us all to the ground without a coup by Diana Sydney.”

“Diana Sydney is who you should be floating,” Bellamy muttered under his breath.

“There’s no hard evidence for that,” Abby said from the spot behind her desk. They could only guess that she framed Bellamy Blake’s first wife. “So this is the new plan. We make you look appealing, and you overtake her in the election for council member.”

“And I don’t tell everyone that you floated a completely innocent woman for a crime she didn’t commit, right?” Something about Bellamy didn’t sound like a grieving man or even one that was angry with his wife’s killer.

“That’s line six or seven in the papers, didn’t you read it?” Clarke couldn’t help herself from asking needing to try and solve the puzzle of his odd tone. He turned to her, face closed off.

“I did, but I’m not an idiot, I’m going to continue to remind your mother of this every chance I get, just so we’re clear.”

“She prefers to be called Chancellor,” Clarke said with a tilt of her head. “She got my father floated, I prefer you call her that.”

Bellamy sucked in air baring his teeth as though he was in some sarcastic display of pain. “Heard the rumors but I didn’t think they were actually true.” He turned to the Chancellor who was barely concealing her annoyance at Clarke.

“Enough,” she said lifting her hands to slam on the desk, but seeming to remember herself at the last moment, gently placing her hands on the desk instead. “You’re the only one who can beat Diana Sydney in an election for her spot on the council. Clarke is going to take Kane’s seat, and the two of you can remind people on this ship that things are equal, anyone can flourish, you’ll be an adequate distraction while we try to get everyone to the ground. Sign the papers and get out of my office.”

“When are my new sheets going to be delivered?” Clarke spoke up knowing the wrath she was incurring.

“Honey, our new sheets,” Bellamy said with a smirk.  

“Right, sweetheart, our new sheets,” Clarke corrected, returning the smile.

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