July 26, 2009
- Passive-aggression: Because it’s fine. No. Really. It’s fine.
@sween (Jason Sweeney) – 119
- The 12-14lb. weight marked on a diaper refers to the size of the baby, not how much it can hold.
Good to know. That explains a lot.
@thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 73
- I would get off the couch to help around the house, but I’m playing that game where the floor is made of lava and I don’t want to die.
@thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 67
- I’m glad that professor and policeman are meeting Obama for a beer. Proves my theory that alcohol solves any problem.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 63
- You know what this booze needs?
Wait, I did that wrong..
@Tony_D (Tony Delgrosso) – 61
- The guy next door asked me to rub my genitals on his ankles. It seemed kind of weird, so I only did it for a little while.
@Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 56
- First Crow: “Caw!”
Second Crow: “Caw!”
First Crow: “Caw!”
Third Crow: “Caw caw!”
First and Second Crow: “Caw!”
Ooo. Third crow got BURNED.
@sween (Jason Sweeney) – 54
- Weird how no one tries to break into my house and kill me on the nights I’m not up watching horror movies.
@baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 53
- “Each condom is electronically tested.”
I’d love to tour Trojan’s factory just to see the room where the robots fuck.
@smilinbjones (Chris Pinckney) – 52
- I just ran fifteen miles, which is my unit of measurement for eating two pies.
@baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 52
- This weekend is going so fast. It’s like a racecar driven by someone other than Danica Patrick.
@badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 49
- My love for Target has nothing to do with the fact that it’s just Walmart with breast implants.
@OverlandParker (Michael Pierce) – 48
- why am I an athiest?
…I guess god just made me that way.
@theduty (duty) – 46
- If you can’t be with the one you love, you could at least not shout out their name just this once.
@biorhythmist (matt) – 46
- You know what really pisses me off?
Just like all girls.
@baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 46
- I don’t think there is any way to get my grass cut before the rain starts, particularly because I don’t feel like trying.
@CranberryPerson (N/A) – 45
- I’ve got a video camera, some catnip and a baby. I hope this wins America’s Funniest Home Videos, because I’ll need it to make bail.
@thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 45
- Ah, the circle of life.
A baby’s life begins,
and I never get laid again.
@awryone (Josh Donoghue) – 45
- Stupid gym gawkers, laughing and pointing like they never seen a guy run on a treadmill with an erection before.
@GPappalardo (Soap Box Liberal) – 43
- Jesus made water into wine cause even he knew how to get in a bitch’s pants.
@roughdiction (RoughDiction) – 42