Tobiume

Ichigo live tweets a picnic with the embodied zanpakuto


As requested by anon. :)


Let’s say that, during the embodied zanpakuto filler arc, Ichigo took all of the embodied zanpakuto on a picnic. Because Ichigo’s a nice guy that way. And let’s say he also live tweeted the whole event. This might be the result!


–man this filler arc sure is going on forever

#wonder if ulquiorra’s getting impatient  #nah  #he seems like the patient type


–anyway i think i’m going to take the zanpakuto out on a picnic

#the shinigami sorta begged me  #something about ‘needing a break from their souls’


–it occurs to me that maybe i actually can’t say no to things

#they asked me to rescue them!!  #how’s a guy supposed to ignore that?  #they used the word!


–i told the zanpakuto pack their own lunches. i hope that was okay

#i mean do swords know how to pack lunches?  #do they eat?  #well i’m sure it’ll be fine


–beautiful day for a picnic!

#does soul society have weather?


–wait what the hell is that guy doing here??

#my inner hollow came to my picnic  #where’s Zangetsu?


–“I’m Zangetsu!” Yeah right hollow. just keep lying

#like i’d be dumb enough to fall for that  #he just came to annoy me  #and maybe to hang out with kazeshini


–senbonzakura just asked me where he can plug in his hot pot

#we’re in the woods dude


–apparently he made sukiyaki

#and figured he’d “cook it at the picnic”  #he sounds so - hopeful  #i guess i never stop hurting byakuya’s soul


–oh thank goodness! zabimaru just offered to share their lunch with senbonzakura

#it’s almost like they were expecting this


–ruri'iro kujaku is going around bragging that he has the most beautiful picnic blanket

#it is pretty cool  #if you like flowers  #and the color blue


–the older katen kyokotsu is pointing out that her blanket is pink and flowered

#and therefore better


–looks like that argument is going to go on for a while


–wow! gegetsuburi sure brought a lot of food! 

#dude has like three picnic baskets


–i just saw kazeshini run by with a brown paper bag that clearly said “Hisagi’s” on it

#poor hisagi  #somewhere he is sad and hungry


–sode no shirayuki and hyorinmaru both brought cold soba

#ice zanpakuto  #they seem to be getting along


–senbonzakura just ran by me, yelling, with a frog on his face

#weird


–those sogyo no kotowari kids will NOT stop running around

#should i have planned games?  #i did not plan games  


–oh shit they just tried to steal kazeshini’s lunch

#or should is say hisgai’s  #see now would be a good time to have my own zanpakuto  


–wait he’s…..playfully chasing them? they’re laughing?

#is kazeshini good with kids??  #???


–i don’t think wabisuke is having a very good time

#he’s eating that mochi like it physically pains him  #maybe i should talk to him?


–wabisuke: “I think Ashisogi Jizo is unhappy. He is very gloomy”

#??????


–how can you tell tho? Ashisogi jizo is just, you know, fluttering around

#making those weird noises  #does it even eat?  


–i guess i should just eat my own food

#these guys are all adult….souls  #they can handle lunch


–haineko just ran her tail under my nose


–haineko keeps patting my arm


–wait is haineko trying to get me to give her my food????

#cats  #at least she’s not naked  #which is how cats usually are in my experience


–hozukimaru and suzumebachi seem to be having a contest to see how can finish lunch first and i don’t know why

#guess they’re both pretty competitive


–suzumebachi won! and i don’t know how

#i mean she’s really tiny  


–awww, tobiume just offered to cook senbonzakura’s sukiyaki for him!

#he looks so happy  #i assume  #dude never takes off his mask


–the older katen kyokotsu sure seems to be enjoying herself - reclining, sake in hand

#whereas the younger one is watching kazeshini play with the twins  #seems - amused maybe?  #she doesn’t really have an expression


–i wonder why tenken looks so sad. sitting there all by himself

#could have sworn he was good friends with gonryomaru


–oh shit i forgot to invite gonryomaru!!

#is it bad not to invite the head captain’s lieutenant’s zanapkuto?


–huh. i wonder why hyorinmaru is going up to senbonzakura

#maybe he wants some sukiyaki?


–“I will help you.”


–oh shit! hyorinmaru just froze senbonzakura’s sukiyaki!!!!

#and i think he was trying to be nice?  #maybe next time, i bring the food


–guess it’s time to go home


–wabisuke’s coming up to me!!

#he doesn’t look happy


–“That was so much fun. Thank you.”

#well  #success  #I guess

"HUHR DUHR ICHIGO HAS BLACK HAIR IN MUGETSU AND RUKIA HAS THE WHITE BANKAI SO YIN YANG PARALLELS BLACK SUN WHITE MOON CRAP = CANON!!"

So does this mean that Rukia will end up with Isshin or Hinamori because their zanpakutos are fire types and hers is a snow-and-ice type?

Senbonzakura gives all of the zanpakuto nicknames


Zanpakuto nicknames requested by fleshdropsgorge. :)


I’ve decided that Senbonzakuro will do all of the naming. For reasons. Also we’re sticking to the embodied zanpakuto here!


1. Zangetsu: “Scruffy”

Senbonzakura: In honor of his excellent but faint facial hair.

Hichigo: Um actually *I’m* Zangetsu

Senbonzakura: Yeah I’m sticking to the filler.


2. Zabimaru: “Fuzzy Butt”

Senbonzakura: Because she is fuzzy.

Zabimaru: DON’T CALL A LADY ‘FUZZY-BUTT’


3. Hozukimaru: “T-Hair”

Senbonzakura: His hair looks like a T.

Hozukimaru: …it does?


4. Kazeshini: “Ol’ Elf Ears”

Senbonzakura: Either that or “Scythe-Hair.”

Kazeshini: I DO NOT HAVE FUCKING ELF EARS


5. Gegetsuburi: “The Ol’ Ball 'n’ Chain”

Senbonzakura: I could not resist. Because I enjoy puns.

Gegetsuburi: How is this a pun?


6. Tenken: “The Dragon”

Senbonzakura: He breathes fire. And his is cool.

Tenken: [shy look]


7. Ruri'iro Kujaku: “Pretty Boy”

Senbonzakura: I mean it as a compliment.

Ruri'iro Kujaku: How else would you mean it?


8. Katen Kyokotsu: “Ma'am”

Senbonzakura (whispering): She frightens me!

Katen Kyokotsu: Hm.


9. Sogyo no Kotowari: “Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dun”

Senbonzakura: I do not like children.


10. Wabisuke: “Happy”

Senbonzakura: It is funny because of irony.

Wabisuke: But I *am* a very happy person.

Senbonzakura: You hide it well.


11. Ashisogi Jizo: “Baby Face”

Senbonzakura: That horrible, horrible baby face.

Ashisogi Jizo: ?


12. Tobiume: “Peaches”

Tobiume: What?

Senbonzakura: I just thought…since your master likes peaches….?

Tobiume: I sling fire. Try to come up with something cooler.


13. Sode no Shirayuki: “My Queen”

Senbonzakura: I-it just comes out whenever I look at her!

Sode no Shirayuki: And don’t you forget it!


14. Hyorinmaru: “Mr. X”

Senbonzakura: Because of the green cross on his face.

Hyorinmaru:


15. Gonryomaru: “What’s his face”

Senbonzakura: It is funny because he is unmemorable.

Gonryomaru: T-that is so needlessly mean!


16. Suzumebachi: “Bumble-Buzz”

Senbonzakura: It is cute.

Suzumebachi: WHICH IS ONE THING I AM *NOT*!


17. Haineko: “Whiskers”

Senbonzakura: Because she is an adorable kitty.

Haineko: L-ladies don’t have whiskers!!


18. Senbonzakura: “Mr. Cool”

Senbonzakura: Is what I think you all should call me.

Zabimaru: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

Senbonzakura: Quiet, Fuzzy Butt.

Bleach characters, you have just learned that Hyorinmaru and Kyoka Suigetsu are dating! How do you rerspond?


As requested by anon. :)


Everybody, you have just learned that Hitsugaya’s zanpakuto is dating Aizen’s. Your reactions?


Aizen: Kyoka Suigetsu, I am displeased.


Aizen: How could you date someone so much weaker than you, who is also my enemy?


Kyoka Suigetsu: Because, Aizen-sama.


Kyoka Suigetsu: Hyorinmaru is an ICE-zanpakuto.


Kyoka Suigetsu: Yet he is super HOT.


Kyoka Suigetsu: And I think that’s beautiful.


Aizen:


Aizen: Do you really come from my soul?


Haineko: Maaaaaan, why are the hot guys always gay and into douchbags?


Kyoka Suigetsu: Hey. Hyorinmaru is not a douchbag!


Hainkeo: Um, I know.


Tobiume: Y-you’d think MY experiences with Kyoka Suigetsu would give him pause!


Hyorinmaru: Sometimes my memory is very bad.


Chad: Can’t really blame Kyoka Suigetsu for this one.


Chad: Hyorinmaru is a dragon!


Chad: Dragons are cool. 


Kyoka Suigetsu: Especially ICE dragons!


Chad: Um yes.


Lisa: I feel like there’s a pun here. Hyorinmaru “Reigns over the frosted heaven”…..Kyoka Suigetsu is a moon…..


Kensei: You could go for the “we know who tops” joke.


Lisa: Yeah if I were lame.


Hitsugaya:


Hitsugaya:


Hitsugaya: WHAT


Hitsugaya: HOW ABOUT HELL FUCKING NO


Hitsugaya: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS, HYORINMARU??


Hyorinmaru: I thought this is what you wanted, master.


Hitsugaya: H-how could you possibly think that??


Hyorinmaru: You thrust me deep into what you thought was Aizen Sosuke, as if you wanted me to reach his soul.


Hyorinmaru: Now I am dating his soul.


Hyorinmaru: It seemed like the logical conclusion.


Hitsugaya: That’s not -


Hitsugaya: But I -


Hyorinmaru: Kyoka Suigetsu said that you’d be pleased.


Hitsugaya: And you BELIEVED him?


Hyorinmaru: Also he gave me this cool fedora.


Hyorinmaru: Clearly he loves me.


Hitsugaya:


Hitsugaya: [screaming]


Aizen:


Aizen: Never mind I’m okay with this.

Mirrorverse zanpakuto


As requested by fuon-yuuki. :)


Already we’ve considered the mirroverse versions of the lieutenants, espada, captains, and Karakura Town gang. Next up, the embodied zanpakuto! If they were the complete opposites of how they are in that filler arc, then what would they be like?


1. Hyorinmaru: A chatty flirt

Mirrorverse Hyorinmaru is the type of guy who WON’T shut up. He talks a mile a minute, and makes it impossible to get a word in edgewise. Plus, he’s an enormous flirt. Swords, shinigami, humans….he’ll flirt with anyone he encounters.

Hyorinmaru: So, if you’re not my master, then……..do you want to be? [winks]

Ichigo: !!!


2. Haineko: A reserved introvert

Mirrorverse Haineko likes to keep to herself, thoughtful and silent. When she is with other people, she rarely says more than a couple of words. So basically she and Hyorinmaru swap personalities in the mirrorverse.

Hyorinmaru: Heeeeey there.

Haineko:

Hainkeo: [leaves]


3. Tobiume: A reckless party girl

If mirrorverse Tobiume knows one thing, it’s that being young is the best, and it must be fully enjoyed. That’s why she throws caution to the wind and makes the most of her youth by drinking, partying, and generally being wild and crazy.

Tobiume: You know what you’re problem is, Hinamori?

Hinamori: Um

Tobiume: You went for a NERD, you loser! 

Tobiume: If you had gone for a jock, you never would have been stabbed!!


4. Zabimaru: A timid baboon (Saru) and a serious snake (Hebi)

Mirrorverse Saru would prefer not to fight if possible; she figures that dialogue and compromise is the way to go. Hebi, meantime, is a very serious young kid. He never gets distracted, and thinks frogs are dumb.

Saru: Basically we think you should fight less, Renji.

Hebi: Yeah, I’m NEVER gonna finish War And Peace if you keep this up!

Renji: But why are you a lady?


5. Senbonzakura: A goofy class clown

Mirrorverse Senbonzakura sure loves making people laugh - he uses goofy antics, jokes, and physical humor to keep the people around him chortling. After all, life is way to short to be all stuffy and serious! And he just loves to take off his mask. That’s like his other favorite thing.

Senbonzakura: Woo! I’m totally naked…in the FACE!

Byakuya: Kill me.


6. Kazeshini: A loyal and kindhearted soul

Mirrorverse Kazeshini just wants Hisagi to be happy. He will always stand by him, and loves to obey orders. He is often seen sitting in the forest, cuddling bunnies while birds perch on his head.

Kazeshini: Hey. I got you a present.

Hisagi: Really??

Hisagi: Oooh, a cake!!

Kazeshini: It’s to show how much I care.


7. Ashisogi jizo: A tsundere 

Canon Ashisogi jizo flutters around making odd noises….but will explode into a poisonous rage if angered. Mirrorverse Ashisogi jizo is the opposite. He seems like a grumpy little butterfly. But really he just wants cuddles.

Isane: Awww, look at it nuzzle me!

Ashisogi jizo: [purring]


8. Suzumebachi: A mellow layabout

Mirrorverse Suzumebachi doesn’t understand why everybody is always rushing about. Life isn’t a race; it’s something to take at your own slow, leisurely pace. Preferably while eating snacks, because snacks are the best.

Suzumebachi: Wanna see which one of us can take a longer nap?

Soi Fon: ???


9. Gegetsuburi: An insecure work addict

Mirroverse Gegetsuburi is horribly insecure about everything: his appearance, his weight, whether or not he’s really doing enough with his life. Everything! As a result, he works frantically, trying to prove himself. 

Omaeda: You’re so handsome!

Gegetsuburi: W-why do you mock me??


10. Hozukimaru: A timid pacifist

Mirrorverse Hozukimaru tries to avoid fighting whenever possible. It’s not that he’s a coward or anything; he’s just a bit timid. He only wants to fight if it’s absolutely necessary, and if all attempts at dialogue have failed.

Hozukimaru: There! Now that we’ve done the lucky dance together, we don’t have to fight, right?

Ikkaku: Who the hell ARE you?


11. Ruri'iro Kujaku: A good-natured pushover

Mirrorverse Ruri'iro Kujaku knows that everyone is beautiful on the inside, and that that’s what counts. This philosophy makes him an easy-going guy….almost a pushover. I mean, if you get his name wrong or forget his favorite color or whatever, he’s not going to get mad. He’ll just go with it.

Ruri'iro Kujaku: Azure, wisteria - what’s the difference, really?

Yumichika: Who the hell ARE you?


12. Sode no Shirayuki: A rude lout

Mirrorverse Sode no Shirayuki is foul-mouthed and loud, not one to adhere to the niceties of polite society. Let’s just say that when she eats, her clothes don’t stay white very long.

Sode no Shirayuki: Whoa! Did you fuckers hear that?

Sode no Shirayuki: I just burped for like a full minute!

Sode no Shirayuki: Rukia, why are you hiding your face like that?


13. Tenken: A mean-spirited bully

Mirrorverse Tenken may not talk much, but he makes his intentions perfectly clear: he’s an asshole, who totally lives up to his beastlike appearance.

Gonryomaru: N-no Tenken! Please don’t burn my feet again!

Gonryomaru: Nooooooooooo


14. Gonryomaru: A charismatic exhibitionist 

Everybody loves mirrorverse Gonryomaru - he’s just so much fun! He tells the best jokes! He throws the best parties! He’s everybody’s best friend!

Hyorinmaru: Oooh, Gonryomaru and Tobiume are throwing a party??

Hyorinmaru: I am so there! They’re the coolest!

Gonryomaru: Yes. Yes we are.


15. Wabisuke: A smiling optimist

You never see mirrorverse Wabisuke without an enormous grin on his face. He just loves the world. So much.

Wabisuke: Kira! Looooove the new hair!

Kira:

Kira: Um thanks?


16. Katen Kyokotsu: A worrywart and a chatterbox

The older mirrorverse Katen Kyokotsu cannot relax - she’s far too busy worrying about everyone and everything. She is often seen pacing around, biting her nails, and generally being a basketcase. The younger, meanwhile, is too busy talking everyone’s ear off to help.

Kyoraku: So, sake?

(Older) Katen Kyokotsu: A-are you trying to give my liver failure????


17. Sogyo no Kotowari: The most well-behaved kids EVER

Mostly they just sit quietly with their hands folded.

Ukitake: Do you guys want to play something??

Sogyo no Kotowari: But we might get our clothes dirty!