I am in so much pain and the nausea Is low key back and I feel like I could dissolve into a puddle and I’m having weird tingling numb sensations in my hands and feet again and I threw up this morning totally out of the blue and I’m trying real hard not to freak out. And the fatigue is overwhelming. Someone pls give me a hug
at least for myself, and i’m sure a lot of people are the same way, the person who knows me best is myself. i have the disadvantage of not having an outsider’s perspective, but i’m also the only one who truly knows what i feel and experience.
ive had different experiences with self-diagnosis myself. for example, suffering from constant tingling in my hands and feet for years, i did as much research as i could and figured it could be diabetes. when i went to the doctor (got referred, then referred), it turns out the tingling in my hands and feet was from ehlers-danlos syndrome, a condition i had never even heard of in all my research (and was confirmed by my sports doctor, both my physical therapists, and the two leading authorities on ehlers-danlos in the state…so i’ve let go of the diabetes idea :P)
second example is (THIS IS GROSS) i have chronic oozing, crusting sores on my scalp–for 26 years!–that i’ve never gotten checked out by a dermatologist because i know that it’s seborrhoeic dermatitis from my research. i’m self-diagnosed with this condition and i’m perfectly comfortable not getting this diagnosis affirmed by a doctor because i truly know what it is and i know how to manage and treat it. i also get tiny little blisters all over my fingers and the palms of my hands (after i eat dairy) and i know it’s dyshidrosis. again, self-diagnosis, but i 100% know what it is.
(WE’RE PAST THE GROSS PART) sometimes self-diagnosis is accurate. sometimes an initial self-diagnosis is a step on the journey to find the real diagnosis. sometimes the self-diagnosis is way off the mark. furthermore sometimes people don’t have access to (informed, caring) doctors and all they have is their self-diagnosis. i take self-diagnosis case-by-case (and…i wouldn’t say i’m in any place to say, “this person is right about their diagnosis and this person is wrong,” because i’m not omniscient) and i wouldn’t paint a broad stroke over all of it like “all self-diagnosis is valid” or “all self-diagnosis is wrong.”
Today… Gosh… This sex… I am left speachless. It’s one thing to experience sex that leaves you wanting more, it’s another to be filled with satisfaction. For me, the size of one’s penis doesn’t bring me any pleasure, it’s the touch and strength I feel from him that really makes my feet tingle. The drop of sweat that drips on my body, the alarms of his cell phone that places a pause, the bite that hurts but show affection, and the rhythm of his breath in my ear. Moments engraved into my cravings of how sex is supposed to be. Imperfect yet so very perfect. He did everything to pleasure me. Massaged me. Touched me. Caressed me. Kissed me. Bit me. He made me feel so much that he even had to tell me to breath when I held my breath for I couldn’t bare the pleasure I have not yet felt. An orgasm with someone is much more powerful than one I could have created myself. Him giving me everything that he could so that I could feel such pleasure that I can not describe. After feeling such pleasure and then him pluging himself into me… That feeling… Being overly sensitive. Being able to say what turns me on. Having his strength on top of me and taking control of my mind. Making me vulnerable yet strong in my womanhood. Knowing my cravings for a man and then my plate filled with more than what I asked for, that is what great sex feels like.