Things the batkids watch on YouTube

As requested by @balletglitter25

•Dick 110% watches DIY videos but like, they’re not even helpful DIY videos. It’s all artsy stuff and things like ‘how to wash a wig’ or ‘turn this bookshelf into a flower planter box’

•he also throws in the occasional parkour or stunt video, but he usually doesn’t watch those because he always notices flaws in people’s moves and stances and he worries for them throughout the entire video

•Jason strikes me as the horror stories youtuber kinda guy. Nothing escapes his grasp, he watches them all

•he’s a slut for buzzfeed unsolved and worth it

•he also watches those cooking and baking videos and a shit ton of musical videos

•it’s his guilty pleasure, what can I say

•Tim is memes and vines and conspiracy theories

•that’s it

•he’s also a slut for buzzfeed unsolved

•he watches vine compilations with Jason and Bruce hates it because when it happens Jason and Tim speak in nothing but Vine for at least a week

•Steph watches a lot of makeup tutorials

•but also

•video game walkthroughs and playthroughs so she can judge them because ‘I figured that out so much quicker how aRE YOU THIS DUMB’

•she also likes the try guys

•Damian watches animal videos

•and like, epic fails

•but mostly animal videos

•Barbara also watches DIY videos, but she watches useful DIY videos.

•ASMR is her shit

•(all the bats watch ASMR who are we kidding)

•occasionally she listens to some music, like Peter Hollens and Pentatonix. She’s not big on YouTube

•Cass watches what everyone else watches

•it’s a mess

•Bruce loves her anyway

A guide to socialising with comic book nerds based on who their favourite character is (Batman edition):

Batman: like Jason Todd fans, only moreso

Dick Grayson: horny on main. approach at your own risk

Jason Todd: 50/50 odds on sam whitwhicky levels awful or tired queer

Tim Drake: tired gay millennial. probably depressing to be around for extended periods

Damian Wayne: mom-friend

Cassandra Cain: this person is good and pure and should be protected

Stephanie Brown: will physically fight you at 2 in the afternoon in the middle of forbidden planet.

Barbara Gordon: if they’re a creep they’ll let you know by mentioning how hot disabled chicks are in the first 2 sentences, otherwise safe

Batwoman: lesbian

Joker: either gay or the worst person you will ever meet there is no in-between

Poison Ivy: lesbian

Harley Quinn: lesbian or edgy 14 year old

Riddler: bitch. but probably in a good way

Scarecrow: they have a lot of headcanons and they want you to know all of them

Bane: not out yet

Alfred Pennyworth: do you want your entire life organised against your will? Because that’s what you will get if you befriend this person

Commission Gordon: watches a lot of documentaries and home renovation shows

Two-Face: xXx2Edge4uxXx. Probably still has a myspace somehow

Any of the kids from Gotham Academy/We Are Robin: precious sunshine child who has not yet know heartbreak.

Luke Fox: memes

Halloween prep in Mt. Justice

Bart: I got all the Halloween decorations!!!

Cassie: Oooh! What are you going to be for Halloween?

Bart: I bought a Robin costume from Gotham. They’ve got like thousands!!

Tim: Oh yeah. Gotham goes crazy on Halloween.

Dick: It’s horrible. The bats goes crazy because people dress up as villains.

Cassie: But if so many people dress up as Robin, shouldn’t it be easy to slip away?

Bart: Cassie…

Tim: It’s Batman.

Dick: There is no escape

Here’s the summary for the first issue of the new Young Justice comic series!

Things to report include it being 40 pages, and that there will be a variant cover of each of the team members, including Robin (Tim Drake) variant cover, Superboy (Conner Kent) variant cover, Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark) variant cover, Impulse (Bart Allen) variant cover and Amethyst variant cover!

The story involves Gemworld invading Metropolis, the battle is apparently going to be what leads them to the return of CONNER KENT! It’s also going to introduce new team members Teen Lantern and Jinny Hex as well!

I hope that with all this going on that they can truly give us a debut issue for the ages!

Conventional Whimsy

Happy birthday, @chibinightowl! This is technically a sequel to a longer thing I’m working on, but I’m stuck on that, so I skipped some to write this little ficlet. ❤️

Jason didn’t used to bother bringing Knight & Page to many cons outside of the general Gotham-Metropolis area. Since he’s started dating Tim, though, he’s warmed up a lot more to this whole weird culture he’s found himself dropped into, and has been branching out. Though, if he’s honest, it’s a good thing one of them brings in the big bucks with a cushy job at WayneTech, because there’s no way he could support his boyfriend’s dice habit on his own. Currently, he’s staked out in the dealer’s hall at a medium-size affair in upstate Maine.

Cassie brings Tim back to Knight & Page’s booth a little before one on the last day of the con. “Here. I want to look at some weaponry demos, but someone is getting grumpy and needs his afternoon nap,” she says, leaning over the table and unceremoniously dumping three bulging bags on the floor next to Tim’s backpack before untangling the tail worked into the decorative loops on her doublet and passing Jason the overgrown lizard from where he’s been riding on her shoulder.

“I don’t need a nap,” Tim mutters, smoke escaping his mouth in large enough puffs that it’s clear he really does. Stupid idiot only starts smoking when he gets irritable, which happens when he’s short on sleep more often than not.

Keep reading

Batboys at Hogwarts

Dick: Flying Instructor

Formerly a pro-quidditch player, specifically a chaser for the Bayfield Bats, Dick retired his position and became the flying instructor at Hogwarts the minute Damian enrolled as a student. Nevermind that Jason and Tim already teach there, Dick wanted to be there for his little baby boy. He spends his class time encouraging students, cheering Damian on, and giving him hugs and telling him that he is a good boy.

Jason: Care of Magical Creatures Professor

Because Jason is my special boy with a heart of gold, he takes care of everyone and aeverything with his trademark roughshod affection. He is the only one who the centaurs will speak to the centaurs (except Dick, because Dick can charm anyone with his ass), and the merpeople (again, excepting Dick).

He wears a red full face helmet during his work with more volatile creatures, earning him the name of the Red Hood. As if his life wasn’t hard enough, he has taken on an apprentice in the form of his perpetually angry baby brother, Damian.

Tim: Potions Professor

He’s not exactly Snape, let’s face it. But Tim Drake-Wayne is just as clever, as mysterious, and a whole lot cuter (Dick says). A recent graduate of Ravenclaw house, Tim is a prodigy beyond his years, and can inspire awe and fear in his students.

He has a familiar named Kon, who is an oddly muscular toad that seems to live in his pocket. Tim can be heard to call him, “My darling” at times, stroking Kon’s slimy little head. His favorite pastimes are brewing potions, needling Jason, getting hugs from Dick, and tormenting Damian about his (perfect, but Tim won’t admit it) potions.

Damian: Third year Hufflepuff Student, formal apprentice to Jason Todd, friend and protector of Jon Kent

Although he had hoped to get into Slytherin like his Father, Damian went to Hufflepuff, and became known as The Angry Badger. He spends his time going to classes, following Jason around for his care of magical creatures apprenticeship, getting pampered by Dick, and protecting his personal first year - a little Gryffindor named Jon Kent - from bullies and his own penchant for trouble.

thotwing  asked:

What kind of drunks would the batboys be?(ex: sad drunk, flirty drunk)

Drunkbatboys! Here we go!

Bruce: (Does Bruce count? Please tell me he does XD )Bruce is a touchy-feely drunk, which is why whenever Bruce drinks out in public, one of his boys makes sure to have Alfred and Clark and Dick on standby. Usually, Bruce allows himself one, two or three drinks at the mosts, but whenever he´s playing Bruce Wayne playboy extraordinaire, he might get carried away a little bit and up being a little…handsy and happy. The women and men who want a chance at Bruce Wayne´s bed try and take advantage of this because when drunk, Bruce tends to fling his arms over someone´s shoulder and lean against them when he´s saying what sounds in his mind like coherent and full sentences. If there´s a younger person anywhere around him, he´ll most likey mess up their hair saying they remind him of when his boys were little… oh wait, Damian is still little. Alfred would send for a car and a cry for help out to Clark after being informed by Tim that Bruce has started looking for Damian to mess up his hair. That is, if Dick isn´t attending the parties. If he is, Dick takes Bruce up to the rooftop and calls for Clark. Either way, Bruce ends up his drunken nights muttering against Clark´s chest about not needing to be carried home.

Jason:Jason is a mix of a professional and a happy drunk. Thing is, Jason has more experience when it comes to alcohol, and contrary to popular belief (Roy´sfault) he isn´t a lightweight. The boy can carry his liquor, a skill he acquired back in his solo days (well, his and Roy´s solo days) where they´d get to just enjoy life and get drunk. Jason doesn´t even go down easily with absinthe.Cocktails don´t cut it for him, he´s still able to walk a straight line even if his brothers drank the same thing and can barely stand. What does have an effect on him are shots, and even those only give him a happy buzz. By the time the shots hit his system, he´ll be laughing and talking to pretty much everybody, cracking jokes and really coming out of his shell. He even lays his guns down when he´s riding that happy cloud of oblivion. He´s also pretty good with hangovers too. His headaches aren´t as bad, and he can make some mean Bloody Mary that helps quite a lot.

Tim: Tim is a sloppy drunk, and by sloppy… I mean there is no one as bad as Tim when it comes to holding their alcohol. Tim is a lightweight, and no matter how much he hates it, he´ll always be one and he will always be considered the most adorable drunk in their family. Tim usually starts the night with a determined frown and an announcement that tonight he´s not going to pass out drowned in his tears and he won´t need to be carried to the car and then home. That´s Tim´s plan all the time, and it always fails. Three cocktails in, Tim is rosy-cheeked, sleepy,dizzy and moaning about a headache and feeling nauseous. He wouldn´t even want to get up from his seat any more, he´d just sit there and try not to slam his head against the table because everything is spinning and oh my lord when did that second Damian appear? Oh no, this is a nightmare, this is his worst nightmare come to life… and he´d end up crying and hiccupping and finally collapsing against the table. Either Dick or Jason would end up taking him home, carrying him princess style because they tried a fireman carrying style once and Tim´s stomach couldn´t handle it.

Damian:Damian (when he´s of age, of course, Dick would not allow him to have even a sip of wine before he was an adult) would be a romantic drunk, much toeveryone´s amusement, especially Jon´s. Damian wouldn’t get drunk easily, he´d be the type of guy who enjoyed Manhattans and other classy drinks with a higher than usual alcohol level in them. Once he gets buzzed though, Jon isn’t able to stop any of Damian´s rather extravagant and… cute gestures. When drunk, Damian likes to grab Jon´s hand and pull him to the dance floor so they may slow dance, like Bruce told him to do. He´s also the type to hug Jon no matter who he´s talking to or what he´s doing, and when it comes to just being there with Jon, Jon wouldn´t be able to rid himself of the light kisses to his foreheadand the tip of his nose. He also has someone run out of the parties to go find an open flower shop and get him some roses to give to Jon after the party is over. He´s also bitchier than usual when he´s drunk, being somewhat of anannoyance to half the waiters and the DJs, though he still manages to hold civil and coherent conversations with the important people.

Dick: Dick would be a broken and sad drunk, which is why he never drinks and the three times he´s done it, the family has been terrified, especially Damian. The thing with Dick is, this boy feels like he has to carry the weight of the entire world and his angsty family on his shoulders. Dick is always the cheerful,hopeful and bright one that everyone relies on, he´s usually the one to look out for Bruce and Damian, Tim and Jason to a lesser extent. Everyone is always counting on him, they all kind of depend of him, so he usually has to stay in control and sober. However, the few times he hasn´t, he cries and tears himself up nonstop. He´s not a lightweight, but he succumbs to the effects easily, and he has somewhat of a panic attack. He cries, he pulls at his own hair, the last time he even hit himself with one of his sticks because he felt he was failing and needed to hurt, that he had failed, that he wasn´t doing a good job witha anything, and he was also very afraid of letting everyone down. Fortunately, it was Bruce who found him curled up in his sofa crying and bleeding and took him to the cave for Alfred to look over. Damian was terrified and appalled when Bruce told him what Dick had been mumbling when he found him, also when Dick saw him and burst into tears again and apologized for not being a good enough brother to Damian or anyone else. Damian stayed with Dick down in the Cave that night, and the next morning he helped Alfred fix some decent breakfast and coffee and whatever else to help with the hangover. Damian sat down with Dick and asked him to never drink again because contrary to what Dick believes, he doesn´t deserve to hurt and Damian doesn’t want to see him hurting in any way either. Needless to say, Dick hasn´t sipped more than a cocktail since.

(I know things took a dark turn with Dick XD that probably has to do with my mood now, I´m sorry ;A;)

archiveofourown.org
Executive Actions - GoAwayOlivia - Batman (Comics) [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

“I’m pretty sure extorting your boss is against company policy.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Only because the people who wrote it never had to babysit their boss.”

Tim shot him a narrow-eyed look. “I can still fire you.”

“You’re free to anytime you want, but good luck finding another assistant who can keep up with you.”


@chibinightowl Here it is! Exactly one year late! Happy birthday and thank you for being so freaking awesome!

Bruce: How are we going to get rid of It? Tim, would you like to get your useless ideas out of the way first?

Tim: Well thank you. Off the top of my head I’d go reindeer stampede, astronaut attack, barbed wire chandelier, photoshop, poisonous sushi-

Bruce: When you said photo shop did you mean use Photoshop to create an incriminating picture?

Tim: No. I meant we build an actual photo shop, or a chain of photo shops. We each manage one. We let time pass. Eventually, It has to have It’s film developed. It comes in, we all hop out, yell “Surprise!” and we beat It to death with baseball bats.

anonymous asked:

56 with tim

A/N: this emoticon isn’t relevant to this fic (or is it?) but i had this copied and i wanted to use it somewhere: (ಠ‿ಠ)

#56. “That’s going to need stitches.”


“You know, that’s going to need stitches.” You heard Tim - or whatever it was that he called his superhero self - call out from above you. Curses. You really thought that you had lost him when you stopped hearing him trying to explain himself a few blocks ago but you were wrong.

You really just wanted to be alone. Getting caught in a villain’s attempt to take over the city was nothing new and nothing too bad, but you had also gotten hurt and you had also just found out that your boyfriend was some superhero sidekick or whatever it was, so you were exhausted. God, you’d trusted him. Trusted him with your secrets and your feelings and your heart but he’d just been lying to your face, all this time.

You had wondered where he often went at night, but you never would have never imagined that it would be because he was busy running around, parading in kevlar and spandex, trying to save the world. If you weren’t so hurt and if your mind wasn’t so foggy, you would have stopped, would have rationalised with yourself, would have forgiven him. Because even through your daze and confusion, even if he did lie to you, doing something like that took courage and strength that you didn’t possess yourself. But. Unfortunately, you were very hurt and you were quite frazzled so ignoring the problem it was.

You were far too exhausted to actually look for him so you settled on scowling as you kept your steady pace, “Leave me alone.”

You heard a quiet sigh before he dropped to the ground a few steps away from you, a deep frown on his face. It took a lot in you to not flinch. Even through the mask of his, you could see that he was not pleased with how everything had unravelled. He replied, “At least let me help patch you up.”

You snorted, “No thanks. Now leave me alone.”