My facial hair is the longest it has yet been, and is looking nice, I think. Why on earth did Younger Me ever say to himself, ‘Oh I don’t at all think I would suit a beard’? He must have been, as it were, not quite ‘with it.’ I know that growing it is very much ‘all the rage’ among men, at present, but it’s really a trend worth having – rare is the face that isn’t greatly improved by some nice ‘scruff,’ as they call it. It does something very pleasing to the contours.
I’m 24 points away from being level 1 on Maysims (it takes 100 points to get to level 1, 360 to get to level 2, and 810 to get to level 3).
Most of my points are daily points (5 a day), but I’ve commented twice (2 points per comment). Those two comments were mistakes; being fake nice is the worst thing I’ve ever done to myself. I felt awful and it felt like a punishment. Not worth 2 measly points (a possible 20 total because you can comment 10 times a day).
I’ve had an account since November 29th, 2014, but they only started the level and points system this year on April 5th. They should have at least gave people that already had accounts the amount of points that they would have if the points system had been in effect since they created an account.
I just feel like unappreciated shit on their site. It’s bad enough I’m a white american that can’t speak or read Korean so I already feel alienated.
I have no idea why I’m sharing this but it felt like something I needed to get off my chest. Does anyone else feel like this on that site? Cause if more people do then I can make that a point in my post, because I plan on advising her to make her site more globally friendly so more people would be willing to join it.
Life is pretty good, although yesterday and today, it was all in first-world shambles.
I say that because a lot of really annoying things happened, things which at many level could have been a lot worse, but were still frustrating.
I went to Sacramento yesterday on a “business trip”–really, it was a sort of intern conference as a part of my internship. The thing is, it was only one day. We flew out in the morning and flew right back in the afternoon, to arrive in Denver at night. This was a little weird, but not so bad. I kept thinking I was forgetting something, because I was going to the airport with only my backpack…o_O
The other interns I met were really cool people, and it was good to meet them. Everyone was all still a lot older than me and stuff, but they were nice and had a lot of interesting experiences. It would have been worth it except, on our return flight, we were severely delayed.
We were the only group (the Denver interns) with a connection flight on our way back, through Phoenix. Of course Denver decides to do its thing and have a ginormous thunderstorm, so our flight gets delayed an hour. And then another hour. Pretty soon, we face four hours trapped in an airport together, with a 1:30AM arrival time in Denver. And work the next day.
All right, in some ways this was fun because I got to really (really really) get to know the other three Colorado interns, but I was just tired (we all were) because of the early start we had that same day to get out to Sacramento. Two of the interns were really nice–one works right next to me in our office, and one I actually hadn’t met before because he works in a different Colorado office. He used to be a nursing major, and still works at a hospital. He had a lot of interesting stories and viewpoints to share, which was cool, and he was nice.
The third intern I have been wary of since day 1, when he told me he read my resume because his mom works at the same company, and interviewed me. He’s actually way older, but looks young, and also says a lot of out of place, borderline rude or not ok things. He also smokes.
When asked about that whole smoking->cancer thing, he was like “well lots of things cause cancer I mean women get breast cancer from all the carcinogenic makeup they slather on their face since they’re born; there’s chemicals in everything.”
I was like, how. How could you possibl–what.
Having just finished a book on cancer (and had basic biology):
1. First of all, whether it’s true or not, that’s a flawed line of reasoning. Just because breast cancer is a thing doesn’t mean lung cancer isn’t, and the link between lung cancer and smoking is very clear.
2. WHAT. Breast cancer is in your breasts. Makeup goes on your face. See the difference??? Smoke you actually do inhale into your lungs?? Wut??? If makeup caused cancer, it would much more likely cause skin cancer.
I just couldn’t fathom this, and though maybe it was just an offhand comment, it irked me ever since then til writing this post now. That’s probably partly why I got so fired up about Myers Briggs tests this morning–all that rant was already boiling up in the back of my head.
So anyway, I finally made it home around 2:30AM and work today was very, very unproductive. Sigh.
I walked around downtown after work today because I needed to get outside after spending so many hours trapped in a flying sardine can. As always, Denver was weird and fun. I came home dead tired, but spent some time chillin with my brother. We watched a movie together and played flash games~ I felt much happier. One of my closest friends (remember Susan from Harvard?) and I are going to drive down to Boulder, since I have to take the day off to avoid working over time (they actually strongly discourage it because overtime is more expensive for the company and we’re only interns) and life feels very good~
But it’s also weird. Denver is always weird. Being so sleep deprived, I was in a delirious mood all day, and was asked:
“Are you at least 23? No? oh, well, enjoy your youth.”
“Hey, do you go to church? (I said yes) Can I invite you to come with me down to…..(I apologized and kept walking)”
“Do you have any spare change for a bus ticket?” (I gave them a couple of my actual bus tickets instead)
I complimented the Jamba Juice guy’s earrings and played piano on the median for a while
(They’re up and down the whole length of 16th Street! Public art and public music!)
Then I just people-watched. There are so many different worlds I’ll never be able to enter, it seems, sub-cultures I can only externally observe–the “urban campers”, hardcore hippies, people at the margins even of eccentricity.
People are mostly good–but it astonishes me sometimes how determinedly ignorant they can be, and rather amazes me how very eccentric they can be. Everyone’s so different. Just like all the old, weathered pianos lining 16th Street–decorated, colorful, each its own unique colors and patterns. And each one sounds a little different when you play them, too.
I really did. Even though I didn’t do much work and had a brain-fog headache after teaching. my partner let me take him out for fish supper and ice cream (with the wholly unneccesary promise that he’s buying me things once he gets paid, we tend to look after each other money-wise when we’re skint anyway), then we played a board game in the coffeehouse, then we went to see jurassic world with friendsicles. the only thing I could complain about is that it would have been nice to pub with friendsicles and discuss film after it, but it was too late and we were too sleepy. good days are good. I want as many as possible. With more work done preferably. but at the end of the day I appreciate that it’s the fish suppers and the cinema trips that make life worth living, and that I don’t actually live to work. I learned this lesson the hard way and some days I’m very grateful for it.
I felt like shit and spent a lot of time wonder what i did and why i wasnt good enough to at least deserve an explanation. Like no matter what it would have been i deserved to know. Im a very understanding person so it really shouldnt have been that hard. But i realized w.e ur reasoning even if its justifiable, which it prob is, you were too coward to say it to my face or tell me at all. U took the easy way out and just dipped. I deserved more than that. And thats when i realized u werent worth any of the thoughts iv had these past few months, u didnt deserve how nice iv been. And i stopped thinking u were so perfect. U showed me ur true colors and im sure u never plan on owning up to ur fuck up and thats what i cant respect. So yea u were an amazing person but u cant admit when ur wrong cause ur too scared to or u rather avoid things then face them, all of that at the expense of my feelings. Thats where i lost a lot of respect for u. Cause no natter how hard it is, everyone deserves the truth. I thought you of all ppl would understand that.
I remember the day we were first assigned to be partners for a class in our fifth year. I was completely miserable and hated your existence because you were just a random Hufflepuff that really didn’t have a reason to be in my presence, let alone having any worth of speaking to me. I’ll be honest, my first thoughts of you were not at all that nice. They weren’t even remotely pleasant and I thought perhaps if you had a very tragic accident I could get a new partner, but nobody felt like pushing you down the stairs apparently since I wouldn’t have done it to ruin my reputation. Not that I think anyone worth my sympathy at that time would have missed you, but enough was being said about my family because of Sirius. I didn’t need to add ‘Middle Black daughter is suspected of murdering a Hufflepuff who supposedly landed wrong.’ I think it would have been fairly believable by anyone who knew you because you’re for some reason exceptionally clumsy.
But anyway, when I got to know you I hated you even more because you didn’t let me hate you. You have to understand, I’ve always been able to hate someone just because they breathed wrong in my general direction, so a muggleborn who talks too much was nothing. But for some reason I kept thinking you smile was abnormally cute and even thought you talked about things I had little to no interest in or didn’t even know what they were it was still interesting in some ways. You opened what felt like a whole new world for me to see, but it was forbidden at the same time. You made me finally want to ask the question about why people like you were so bad. I remembering wondering it for a while, but it didn’t become a problem until you pushed you way into my life. I’m not sure if I can ever forgive you for that, but what I’m feeling towards you can’t really be described as anger.
And now all I have to say is I’m sorry. I’ve let things go further than I ever planned for them to go because I’m selfish and want you for myself. Letting you go and having you move on would kill me so I’ve been telling myself I can keep you for a little bit longer, but I think I know I’ll never really be able to move on with my life and just forget about you, even when the time comes with graduation of next year. I want to say I hope you’ll find someone who loves you enough to put up with all of your idiotic actions and smile through it, but thinking that pains me. I’ve always been selfish and spoiled so I’ve gotten what I wanted without having to worry about it, but I suppose you prove a person can’t get everything they want in life.
It’s a pity I have to learn that by not getting the only man I will probably ever love in life, but I guess I needed to learn it at some point. Just know that even though I’m thinking about all of this I’m still not letting you go. I’m not sure if I ever will be able to even though I know my family will hate me for it. You’re the only person that has ever made me think family may not be everything… and sometimes I hate you for all the drama you have caused in my life. If I could be normal this would be so much easier, but I can’t. Perhaps I was never meant to be normal like my parents wanted, but it’s too late to think about that now. I guess I really only care about whether or not you love the way I am. But that’s all for now. I hope you have a good summer because I’m not sure if we’ll find time to see each other even though we plan to. You never know what might come up.