**FAIR WARNING** and too many Fire/Burner puns to count oops

Host: Give it up for the ‘Lil Lightnin’ Girl and for mAVEN-IAC!

Maven: Let’s be honest, Mare, you can’t keep yo eyes off me.

Now when are you gonna find a hotter flame than me?

You know my story, I’m just the Shadow of the Flame,  [makes sad puppy eyes]

But you and I can call each other by other names.

I’ll be ‘Your Majesty’ and I’ll call you ‘Pet’ maybe.

Or you can even call me Mavey, too, baby.

Mare: May I call you asshole, or even pr * ck?

There are just so many options that I can’t pick!

Cuz you don’t deserve yo titles that’s fo shizzle,

Look at the Fire Boy and hear that sIZZLE!!!

Audience: OOH

Audience Member: She got you man!

Mare: The King of Norta brought its country to its ruin.

Not to mention the storm the Scarlet Guard is brewin’.

You tried to stop a war through marriage, now how’s that workin’ for ya?

Poor Iris had to save her husband, too, I doubt that she’ll adore ya.

You know we women have some standards in length you see.

The life of a country, and somethin’ that hurts when its hit with a knee.

Maven: Now look at tiny Mare going for the low blow

But I shouldn’t be surprised it’s the only blow she can go fo.

Could you remind me what it’s like down there, looking up?

Or if you want to reach above my d * ck then should I pick you up?

Mare: Ooh, you know Maven, you should step-back that one really hurt. [sarcastically]

Is brining pain to other people the only way you flirt?

Now, even if I wanted to I wouldn’t be your girlfriend.

Cuz based on yo history I already know how that ends.

‘His name was Thomas’ and I watched him die in the war,

Well did he know your heat was more than he could bargain for?

Now though, I admit your brother was a huge mistake,

At least being with him didn’t turn me into a slice o’ steak.

Audience: dAMNNNNNN!!

Maven: Yeah, when I love someone, I go over-board by just a smidge.

Sure, we’ve gone through stuff but that’s just water under a bridge.

You and your people can call me a monster, a killer, a fool.

But you and I both know it Mare, you are just as cruel.

Here’s a list of reasons why I had to tie you in chains:

The only thing you’re good at is en-trapin’ other people’s brains.

First you tricked my brother, and then you made him pick.

Shade Barrow, Lucas Samos, and my mother went quick.

We are both villains, bringing in some stormy weather.

All I’m asking is why can’t we be mis’rable together?

[silence from Mare]

Mare: You don’t dream Maven, but I can tell you I that do.

So I know I’ve had more nightmares, than you.

The diff’rence between us is that I don’t kill for fun.

I regret every moment using lightning or a gun.

Wellll not really, cuz I used it on your mother, too.

And you’re a poor excuse for a half Merandus, yeah it’s true.

Anyways, you know you should ask your brother Cal,

In bed I’m usually the top type of gal.

Face it boy, in this, too, I’ll can only end up on top,

So you know what you get? You get a mic drop!!

Mare: *drops mic*

[crowd goes wild]

                        (you can send me requests through my ask box)


incoming storm by giovanni ferente

Listen y'all

I know everyone wants to be real hype about these Paladin diaries or whatever and if that’s your thing, great! Do you, awesome!

Just please also go into it knowing that these, like the Paladin Handbook, are released by a third party and therefore contain information not formally confirmed by the executives behind Voltron: Legendary Defender. If you go into the Amazon listings you can even see in the description that it’s “based” on source content, not actually source content itself.

So when it does release, treat each other well, ok? None of the included information has to be received as indisputable canon because it won’t be. Just be good people and let everyone enjoy the fandom how they want to.

anonymous asked:

if their s.o invited them to stay over their house the first time how would ace sabo, law and snooj react to it?

Sure, I hope you like these.


  • There would be a storm a-brewin’ when you invite him to stay for the night.
  • Ace waves off your apology of the state of your guest room and cleans it up.
  • In the morning, you’ll wake up to the smell of burning food from Ace’s attempt to make you some breakfast.


  • Lightly blushes when you ask, though he sees the logic of staying the night if the storm was as bad as it looked.
  • Insists on helping you set up the guest room.
  • In the morning after you cook him breakfast, he tries to wash the dishes only to break one. In the end, you two work together to wash and dry the dishes.


  • Accepts the offer, seeing how unwise it would be to go back to his submarine in the current weather.
  • Refuses to let you clean the guest room up. (He does it himself while you’re asleep before going to bed).
  • He leaves first thing in the morning, knowing better than to risk being seen by any who are loyal to the government. Though he waits long enough to thank you.


  • Immediately accepts; the fastest one to do so. (Even if the storm is mildly worrisome).
  • Wakes up early to cook you breakfast.
  • After you finish eating, he thanks you for allowing him to stay before going back to his ship; knowing his crewmates will be waiting for some food when he gets back.

yesterday’s food:
• coffee
• shrimp-zucchini-corn-jalapeño soup that i made for lunches this week
• dark chocolate square
• slice of multigrain sourdough
• accidental green tacos: steak, grilled peppers and jalapeños, avocado, sour cream, & salsa verde. and beans.

a pretty good day, right?! 🙂👍

unfortunately i feel a menstrual storm a-brewin… wish me strength.

anonymous asked:

Did storm cause a storm in Hazel. A good storm? What do you think bout good storms that don't cause property damage? Important question.

Hmm important question for sure! Storm definitely caused a storm in Hazel. Or maybe it’s the other way around? Does that mean there’s a storm a brewin’ in my story? Who knows?? Any storm with Storm is a good storm.

Originally posted by heartsnmagic

anonymous asked:

Bucky turning Steve into a puddle by gushing about his cute waist and beautiful pecs/boobs. Maybe abo with Steve getting so wet when Bucky starts lavishing attention to his nipples. Bucky telling him to come just from that and of course Steve does.

I went with canon!Stucky, if that’s okay :P 

Steve hated going shopping. 

When he was small and frail, it was because people would think they could trample on him and the crowds made him feel woozy. Now, the crowds just made him feel uncomfortable. People staring at him, he always worried about how he looked. At least when he was small, he knew that was why. But when they look at him now? He felt insecure, like he had something on his skin, like he was in the way.

But then when Bucky came back and he saw how beefy Bucky was, because oh my god have you seen him, Sam?! He doesn’t feel out of place. Bucky was thick everywhere, his thighs, his waist, his shoulders and chest. Despite Steve’s serum, Bucky was larger than him. Sure, they were level-wise, by height anyway, but while Steve was muscle packed into a tight body, Bucky was just...mouth watering large. 

Next to Bucky, Steve felt smaller. He didn’t feel out of place or in the way. Because he had Bucky’s hand on the small of his back guiding him, or Bucky’s arm around his waist. 

“I don’t want to,” Steve pouted, standing with Bucky in the clothes department of some store, “can’t I just wear what I have?” 

“Baby,” Bucky grinned, picking out clothes he thought would look good on his sweetheart, “you can’t wear the same clothes all the time. It’s a gala and Pepper wants everyone dressed to the nines.” 

Steve sighed and sank down in one of the chairs the store had and watched as Bucky went around choosing Steve’s sizes, “Buck…” 

“Yeah, Stevie?” Bucky replied, grabbing some trousers to go with the shirt he had in his hands. 

“Do you think…I’m ugly?” Steve asked, too ashamed to look up at Bucky’s face. The minute those words left his lips, Bucky was over in a second, crouching down in front of him. 

“Baby, look at me,” Bucky said firmly, but gently, “sweetheart, look at me.” 

But Steve screwed his eyes shut. He felt so stupid. Pathetic. Crying over something as small as this? What the hell was wrong with him? He was Captain America for god sake! 

“Baby doll,” Bucky whispered, cupping Steve’s face, wiping away the tears there, “you’re beautiful. I love the bright blue of your eyes, the way I can see a whole storm brewin’ in them when you’re angry, or the sun when you’re happy.” 

He kissed Steve’s closed eyes.  

“I love your adorable little freckles, the red of your lips. I love the way your soft hair feels against my chest when you sleep.” 

He kissed Steve’s cheeks, forehead, lips and head. 

“I swear to God, you got the prettiest set of tits I’ve ever seen, and you’re cute little waist, so tiny and compact, drives me wild, you know that?” 

He growled in Steve’s ear and wrapped an arm around his waist and squeezed. 

“I love everythin’ about you. The way you smile. Your laugh. That big mind of yours. I love you. And you are mine, doll. My baby boy, and he’s beautiful.” 

Steve finally opened his eyes, tears falling freely down his cheeks. He made a small noise and Bucky knew he wanted a hug. Steve melted into his arms and hid his face in Bucky’s neck. 

“I gotcha, darlin’. I gotcha.” Bucky closed his eyes and cursed whoever had made Steve feel like this. If there was one thing he was certain of in this stupid world, it was that Steve was precious. And no one lived to see the sunrise if they so much as made Steve sad.