“Flowers go on the roundtables, and the place settings need to be set out” Anne pointed to the different places in the ballroom, workers dressed in tuxes running around making sure everything was absolutely perfect. Gemma stood next to her mother, both of them talking amongst themselves, as you stood to the side, taking in the setting around you. Everything was absolutely beautiful, neat, and elegant. The tables were filled with roses, each dish engraved to match the theme of everything. The chairs were antique, the food was fancy, and the champagne was sure as hell expensive. The venue was the best part about it, the ceiling painted with art and gold patterns lining every corner. Everything was ready, and it’s everything you’d ever want.
But it’s not even yours.
“Y/n?” Anne asked, pulling you out of your thoughts as she rubbed your arm. For the first time, you didn’t actually know you were holding your breath, a relief washing over you as let yourself breathe. “You alright?” she smiled as you nodded, flashing a fake smile. Anne knew this was hard for you, so extremely hard. Almost a decade of always having you around as Harry’s best friend, family holidays, concerts, and family vacations, she saw you already as her daughter-in-law.
You told her that you were fine, constantly. She never pushed you to open up, because she knew if she did it wouldn’t be the best thing. Both of you were upset with Harry but for different reasons. The anger you had towards him was hidden inside you, the feeling of not being the one he gets to hold for the rest of his life, literally kills you. Anne’s frustration was that Harry didn’t see what was right in front of him. But you didn’t blame him at the same time. You weren’t a very outgoing person when you didn’t want to be and only trusted a few people. A year goes by fast, so fast that it’s almost scary. That night of Harry’s birthday when he announced the engagement, the heart clenching feeling was the worst you’ve ever felt. Everything stopped in your eyes. The regular phone calls stopped, the 3am drive through adventures, even the conversation became lenient. You never knew what Harry was doing or thinking anymore.
Julia Roberts did this right? She handled it well, even though she told her feeling to her best friend. Envying her was an understatement at this point. That movie was your life staring you in the face. Many things you missed, but certainly weren’t ever going to get back. His life was changing right before your eyes, and your world was out of control. You tried not to depend on his feelings, but it was the most difficult thing to wean off of.
The rehearsal dinner was only a few hours away, the actual wedding being tomorrow. You felt so nervous, and you weren’t even the one getting married. The family of Harry and the Bride were all placed in the room, laughing and conversing with one another. Live music played softly in the midst of it all. All of his family asked how you were, lying to them through your teeth. You thanked the heavens that your own mother came for emotional support. “Oh honey, just know whatever happens this weekend, it’ll be just fine” she assured, she arms wrapped around you as you both sipped on your champagne, watching the wedding party.
The sight of them made you sick, although you couldn’t help but try and be happy for them. His soon-to-be wife was a stunner. The body, the personality, the sense of fashion. She was the total package, which made you feel even worse about yourself. You thought about the things they talk about, the little moments they have. You thought about the all of the family holiday’s, the vacations, and every other family gathering that they would be at. Considering the fact you would stop going to them, it still put pressure on your heart. She was always the one he would go to instead of you. Harry’s eyes were on you throughout the evening, seeing you talk to everybody but him. In his mind, things weren’t everything they were adding up to be.
He worried about you too. Times went by where he would call your mother to see if you were around, or even your siblings. He simply missed you. No one asked you to be apart of a big wedding, but everyone kind of dragged you into it. But you wanted to be here anyway, despite the circumstances. He missed your voice and your jokes. Out of everything, you were the one that didn’t make him feel so nervous. Scurrying off into the powder room of the very overpriced venue, Harry followed behind you, trying not to make it obvious. The women’s restroom could be considered a luxury apartment if you let someone guess. It smelled of roses, vintage patterns engraved into the ceiling just like the ballroom. You jumped when you heard the door lock and close, Harry sighing when he first sees you.
“Hey,” you said, looking down to fiddle with your fingers. It hurt him that you couldn’t even look him in the eyes anymore like he was never apart of you. The silence was the only thing loud enough to hear. It roared with intensity just like the tension. But the tension of what?
“Are you going to talk to me?” Harry said, profoundly irritated. The tone of his voice made you look at him, his eyebrows furrowed together in hurt. Every nerve in your body was shot, not knowing what to say. It’s been too long since you’ve both had a conversation.
“What do you want me to say?” you asked. Harry scoffed.
“I want you to talk to me, we both haven’t said more than three words to each other for the majority of the year, and it’s really starting to piss me off! You haven’t been there for me, and when I call you never pick up. I want to know what I did so I can fix it” his hand was clamped in his hair, frustration eating him alive. You didn’t even realize tears were starting to brim your eyes.
“I haven’t been there for you huh? You have a fiance now Harry, you don’t need me anymore! She’s there, she’s always there!” any ounce of anger you’ve bottled up was starting to release as you raised your voice. You hoped no one was in that bathroom. Harry’s facial expression seemed shocked, the fact that you felt you weren’t needed. “I can’t be honest, without ruining everything. I can’t talk to you, without bursting into tears” you explained through sobs, any makeup you put on hours before was well gone. Before you could say anything else, he pulled you in, clutching you to his chest. His chin rested upon your head, inhaling the flowery scent of your hair.
“What can’t you ruin, darling?” he mumbled, pulling back to look at you. The amount of mess you looked, you were surprised he wanted to. Hesitation was all that clouded you. Should I really be doing this? Is it worth possibly losing him? You thought. You grabbed his ringed hands, holding them in between the both of you. Shaky breaths escaped you before you spoke.
“This” you referred to the wedding, but you also referred to him as well. Tears still began to fall. “I love you Harry” your voice was like a whimper, choking back with tears. It pained you to see you this way, wanting nothing more than to make you happy.
“I love you too, bug what’s wro-” he started, but you cut him off.
“No I mean, I’m in love with you. I have been for the past five years, and all I wanted was for you to be happy. This is such bad timing, really bad and I don’t expect you to do anything, I just need you to know that you’re everything to me in so many ways” you sobbed, the urge to curl up in a ball and hide. Harry’s mind was all over the place, stress and worry mixing together. He couldn’t believe his best friend was hurting so much because of him. He was stupid, so stupid not to see it. Guilt was a familiar feeling, but not like this.
“Y/n” was all he could muster up, wiping the tears from your eyes. You stopped his gentle touch.
“Please” you begged, “don’t”. But before he could even be stopped you felt his lips on yours, how soft and plump they were. If stars were a feeling, you definitely felt them. That moment you wanted the world to stop, you wanted to be just like this forever, but it ultimately had to come to an end. He lingered there, planting small kisses on your lips. Both of your foreheads touched as your hands wrapped around his wrists, running your thumbs over his soft hands.
“I love you too. So fucking much” he whispered, his eyes still closed shut to linger the moment. Your heart fluttered, the pain still stinging you. “You’re the light to my life you know that? Always have been, always will” he said, sniffling from incoming tears. “I want this, I really do-” he started before you cut him off.
“But” you finished for him, already knowing the outcome.
“I have to be there for the baby,” he said, tears running down his cheeks. At that moment you couldn’t breathe anymore. Everything shut down in you, but somehow you still stood there. If your heart was broken before, it was sure as hell broken now. You didn’t know what to feel anymore. Happy? Angry? Broken? It was an unsolvable concept. He was going to be a father with someone else, and it stung.
“I see” you croaked, letting go of him. He didn’t want you to be upset or angry, he didn’t want you to hurt at all, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to lie to you. Silence emerged once more before you spoke. “I’m happy for you. Truly” you lied to him and yourself.
“No you’re not” he revealed. “I doubt you’re ever going to be,” he said. The bathroom felt bigger than it was in the moment. You couldn’t believe yourself. Time was wasted in your eyes. Precious time spent wondering and crying. The pain in your chest was an everyday feeling, and you kept telling yourself to get over something that wasn’t even yours in the first place. He was once, but it was for such a brief moment. You didn’t want to leave, but it felt like your only option.
“Harry, I think…..” you began, trying to not break down again. “I think I shouldn’t be around anymore” your words felt like daggers in yourself. To him it was a punch in the stomach. His worst nightmare was coming true, but he couldn’t blame you after everything he failed to see with his own two eyes.
“Y/n please” he begged, cupping your tear-stained cheek. You placed your hand on his, giving his palm a kiss.
“I love you so much,” you said once more. The walk to the door seemed like the longest walk ever. Each step you took was loud with heart-wrenching feelings. You were really walking away. The warning you gave him before was starting to come true. Promises you both made to each other years before were all being left in a fancy hotel bathroom. He swears he’s never been more heartbroken in his life, but he still let you go.
Once you were in the car on the way back to your place, your mother sitting beside you chatting away with the driver, you noticed he never came after you. Nevertheless, it was all done. She got him, and all you had were memories.