“That’s something I learned from talking to comedy writers over the years – they work twice as hard to tell you why something you liked wasn’t worth you liking. F that S! If somebody likes something I made, it’s not their fault that I pictured it coming out differently in my mind than it did. They’re actually closer to the thing than I am at that point!”

Tom Scharpling, The Best Show On WFMU Magazine

Philly Boy Roy: You’re into Paul McCartney, right?
Tom Scharpling: Yeah I’m a big Paul McCartney fan.
PBR: Is it true that song “Jet” was originally called “Boat”?
TS: I’ve never heard that.
PBR: Roy Junior was telling me. He said that originally it was like “Boat! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo! Boat!”
TS: And then he upgraded it to “Jet”?
PBR: Well he changed it to “Jet” because he thought it would get him free flights on Pan Am. Is that in any of your Beatles books?
TS: I’ve never heard that.
—  The Best Show 7/5/2011
An Incomplete List Of Newbridge Designer Drugs (From The Best Show with Tom Scharpling)

Emerald Nightmare
Unbalanced Checkbook
Pelted Ringbearer
Dangling Hammock
Amethyst Rugburn
Tanzanite Dishrag
Quadruple Thunderfudge (which is outlawed in outer space)
Burnt Catamaran
Lavender Spacesuit
Crystal Trombone
Rotting Pampers
Concrete Garbagetruck
Buttered Mousequilts
Neon Easterbasket
Nepalese Power Pop
Cotton Torture Chamber
Locked White House Restroom
Chinese Rolling Stone
Whicker Briefcase
Jello B. Afro
Magical Chairs
Manic Dietician
Grecian Snowmobile
Underwater Lawncare Specialist
Abandoned Lunch, Annette
Topaz Sunset
Liquid Quartz Skunk Droppings
Fudge Moccasin
Corduroy Pantsuit


Former Survivor contestant Reginald Monroe discussing his falling out with Kiss member Peter Kriss.
  • Reginald Monroe: At the time I was on that steroid that was going around Newbridge; Quadruple Thunderfudge?
  • Tom Scharpling: Okay. I remember hearing about that.
  • Reginald: It ended up getting outlawed everywhere, including outer space.
  • Tom: Wow. It's actually outlawed in outer space?
  • Reginald: Yeah. You'd smear it all over yourself and it was literally the consistency of fudge.
  • Tom: Uh-huh.
  • Reginald: And I had just had a smearing session and when he shot that [go-]kart at me, Tom, I just went nuts. And I beat him with it. It took five cops and an earth-mover to stop me.
  • Tom: To stop you from … I guess if people didn't stop you, who knows what could have happened.
  • Reginald: Right. Yeah. I think I would've smeared him.
I do my part. I drive by this place where this dude protests, this abortion clinic… every day I drive by. Every day. I’m telling you […] it’s the little things you do in life that make it better, just the little things. This dude’s out there every day with a sandwich board, I drive by, I go beep beep, he turns, and then I give him the finger. I’ve done it five-hundred times. He literally falls for it every single time. He thinks it’s gonna be somebody like cheering him on, and he turns and it’s me giving him the finger. And he falls for it, I mean, it’s five-hundred times now. I see him there, beep beep, he turns around thinking, “Yeah, someone on my si–oh, it’s that guy again…giving me the finger. I’m not gonna fall for it tomorrow.”
—  Tom Scharpling
Tom Scharpling talking to a 17 year old girl about growing up.
  • Tom: High school, I will tell you. I found high school to be the worst years of my life. Are you looking forward to college?
  • Caller: Yes.
  • Tom: Yeah that's a mistake too. Don't get to worked up about that. And how about after that? You looking forward to being out on your own, kinda like being out in the world and doing your own thing?
  • Caller: Sure why not?
  • Tom: Yeah that's a little overrated as well. Anything else you are looking foward too?

Inspired by a favorite Richard Scarry book, I drew some pages for a children’s book starring Philly Boy Roy. Manners, Philly Style teaches young readers how to behave as well as Roy.