Gandalf: Some say that he is a bear descended from the great and ancient bears of the mountains that lived there before the giants came, Others say he is a man descended from the first men who lived before Smaug.
Bilbo: So did a man have sex with a bear, or did a bear have sex with a man, if you understand my meaning?
“You must go on and find out all about that light, and what it is for, and if all is perfectly safe and canny,” said Thorin to the hobbit. “Now scuttle off, and come back quick, if all is well. If not, come back if you can! If you can’t, hoot twice like a barn-owl and once like a screech-owl, and we will do what we can.”
—The Hobbit, Chapter II, Roast Mutton.
I’ll be creating more illustrations for other chapters. But you must be patient with me. ;)
Imagine the elves meeting your parents: [preference]
Legolas: They adore him! He is so polite and cheerful and kind. He talks with your father about things that interest him, refills your mother’s wine glass, isn’t too public with his affection towards you because it would be awkward in front of your parents. You never doubted it going wrong even for a second.
Thranduil: You were a bit scared of what your parents might think of you and him because he is much older than you and you were right because your mother made a “Is that your sugar daddy?” face. In the end they ended up getting along, Thranduil didn’t say anything too egoistic and (not to sound mean or anything) they wonder how you and such an elegant and extraordinary man actually got together.
Elrond: He doesn’t feel awkward even for a moment. He gets along great with your parents, they discuss all sorts of things together and at some point you get bored and almost fall asleep on the table.
Lindir: Oh, the awkwardness. He is so worried what they might think of him, the poor lad, he actually ended up knocking over the entire bottle of wine and in a panicked state to clean it up and apologize in a high pitched voice, he pulled down the entire tablecloth along with the dishes atop it. Well you certainly never felt more embarrassed in your life, but all’s well that ends well and your parents actually liked him and thought he was a great chap.
Haldir: He was honestly so scared. He didn’t do anything embarrassing but stared at the ground until someone talks to him and that’s when he actually breaks out of his shell. Still the tension could be felt from miles away and Haldir takes a few moments until replying to anything because he overthinks everything in his mind before replying.
Glorfindel: They absolutely fall in love with him from the first glance. He is so charming and polite and all evening he talks about his achievements and stories to make himself look great in front of them so they let you date him. Contrary to your fear of him saying or doing something your parents wouldn’t like, the meeting actually went great.
(And a special guest, my personal bae)
Feanor: Even though he told you not to worry a thousand times, you couldn’t help but be absolutely anxious about what’s going to happen. You can’t really say he doesn’t look like a snack in his fine tailored suit, but its the whole “bad boy vibe” he gives out and your parents wouldn’t like. And yes, he is so nervous he barely smiles and may accidentally say something offensive. Not only that, he thought your parents couldn’t hear you over the music and was in the middle of saying “I don’t care if they let you date me. You’re mine.” just when the music stopped…
Imagine Thranduil and you fell in love with each other; the Elvenking and a human. Imagine when you kiss in his chambers, you inadvertently call him “baby” during the kiss. He doesn’t understand at first tilting his head to the side and asks, “Do you dare to refer to me as a child?”
Thorin gave you a handcrafted necklace of sapphires he made himself (he’s very proud, not that he’ll show it…)
Fíli (bless his heart) decided to give you a mithril knife he smithed under guidance of Thorin. Its handle was inlaid with 3 pearls, one for each of the lights in his life: the sun, the moon, and you.
Kíli got you a puppy that looked like an alcoholic in need of a shave! (She was a feisty little one, but the love in her heart when she cuddled with you in front of the fire made up for the torn towels and wet hair she had so graciously caused you in your chase through the royal wing after an attempted bath…) Kíli tried (“tried” being the operative word), to bake you a cake, but, well, Kíli in a kitchen went about as well as a bull in a china store…
Balin (sweet, sweet saint) gifted you a cut and polished geode with quartz lining it. It was one of the few things he still had left of the old Erebor, and wanted you to have it, seeing as you held as an special place in his heart as that geode.
Dwalin had smithed alongside Thorin in the past, and thought of making a axe for you with the name “Courage” engraved on the handle, but seeing that you will have nothing to fear with the Company protecting you (bunch of nannies, they are), he instead opted to build you your very own garden inside the mountain for when the winter months came. He planted all of your favourite flowers, and boy oh boy, did he nearly give up a few time on working on that garden… But in the end, he pulled through and he must say that all the frustration was worth the joy in your eyes and the hug he got from you afterwards he showed it to you. (He might have developed a liking to gardening, so it wasn’t uncommon to find him working alongside you on hands and knees in your garden covered in dirt)
Oín decided that you were entirely too quiet for his tastes and that it was only by luck alone that you haven’t given some of the dwarves a heart attack, (he hassuffered more than his share, according to him), so he bought you cute little golden bell to wear around your neck so people mostly he could hear you coming (he didn’t. And he shrieked like a girl when you both had ventured down into the kitchens for a midnight snack)
Gloín had a secret talent of painting, and no one, no one outside the family knows of it… Guess what he gave to you? :) A magnificent painting of the view from the top of the Lonely Mountain over Daleb Laketown and even a tiny, teensy weensy, might-miss-it, smidge which could possibly be Mirkwood? He won’t admit anything…. (I’m onto you, Mister Gloín)
Dori bought you a delicate porcelain tea set from the Blue Mountains, in which he claims tea tastes the best… Uh huh, we’ll see honey, we’ll see…
Nori, Nori, Nori, Nori….. He thought it would be very funny to give you a chicken. In the marketplace. Among a hundreds of dwarves. And he thought it would be funny watching you scream your head off at the creature suddenly deposited into your arms. Jokes on him though, he had to chase and catch the feathery fiend in the market! (You named the hen “Dori” after he had caught her and you had calmed down enough to see straight…)
Ori (my sweet, sweet summer child), had filled an entire sketchbook with drawings of you and the company (but mostly you.) (He was so shy when he had presented you with the carefully wrapped gift. My he ar t)
Bifur had an immense soft spot for cute things, and the image of you animatedly performing enacting and reading a fairytale to some dwarflings made up his mind. He was going to make you a stage to entertain those dear dwarflings you so loved. He worked, he sewed, he carved, he- well, you get the idea. It was magnificent! And he hit two birds with one stone! You got to live out your passion for making others smile, and he got to see you perform frequently!
Bofur thought that seeing as you frequently stole his hat and made him chase you all over the Company’s wing, that maybe, just maybe he could finally take off his hat without fear for your escapades (I’m only trying to keep you fit! Yeah right, and his mother was an elf.), if he got you your own hat. And it worked! For about three days, before you returned to your nefarious hat-stealing, dwarf-parkour activities…
Bombur (he looks very huggable) had a specially embroidered apron made for you. (Bofur had suggested “World’s Best Buns,” but from the look on his brother’s face he collapsed in a giggling fit.) No no, Bombur was a gentleman, thank you very much. So what did he have embroidered??? Keep your hands off my buns😀
Bilbo gaveyouabouquetoftulips(how did he even get them???), and a handwritten book titled “450 Reasons Why I Love You.” (My HeARt!) (And it’s alphabetical too!)
Gandalf…. Gandalf decided to gift you with a puzzle box (“A gift that keeps on giving.”) And boy oh boy did he look smug after the 4th hour you still hadn’t found out how to open it…. Ahah, just you wait, Mister Firepopper, revenge might be beneath me, but accidents will happen….