The Trouble With Harry

Miserable

Let me break your heart with this one! Here is the continuation to “The letter”! Let me know about your thoughts! Much love to everyone! (Picture is not mine!)


Miserable.

Only this one single word was yet enough to define how Harry felt.

Miserable. Every day every night.

Harry was dying inside. There was no cure to his broken and fragile heart other than the woman he loved with his all being. But she was gone and Harry had no idea about her whereabouts.

After she had left him with nothing more than a letter, Harry went totally nuts. His first instinct was to find her. He was determined to find her. There was no place he had disregarded when he went on his mission to find her. He had looked at her apartment but she did not open the door whilst Harry’s desperate attempts. Either she ignored him intentionally or she really wasn’t there. Where had she been then? Every day he had waited at the parking spot of her college exactly at the same time she would leave just to see a little glimpse of her but she never came out. It seemed like she completely disappeared from earth. Harry became more and more frustrated. What if something had happened to her? He didn’t want to imagine the worst.

However, his conscience could be calmed when he met Y/N’s best friend one day- who randomly had ignored him as well- on his way to the studio. She was about to run away from him but Harry was quick enough to grab her wrist.

“Where are you going?” Harry growled at her, his fingers wrapping harshly around her sensitive skin.

“H-hi Harry! Long time no see! H-how you’re doing?” The poor and terrified young woman called Chloe asked him. If there was something you could be afraid of, than it was definitely Harry being beyond mad. He said things he didn’t actually mean but his words still would destroy you in a matter of seconds.

“Save the blabbering and tell me where Y/N is!” He ordered, his eyes spiting fire.

“I-I don’t know, Harry.”

“Stop lying and tell me where she is? Where is Y/N?!” His patience wearing thin as a thread.  He just wanted to know where his love was, is that too much to ask?

“She’s out of town, Harry.” Chloe said, her voice shaking. She always had been kind of intimidated by Harry and the way he was staring at her made her wanting to crawl into a deep whole and never crawl back.

“Out of town?” The answer took him off guard. Why would Y/N leave the town?  “Where?”

“I don’t know, Harry, I swear. She just told me she wanted to sort things out. She needs time to think.”

Harry let go of her hand and shook his head in defeat. Whatever he had done to Y/N, it made her run away from him and the very thought of it hurt so damn much. He left Chloe standing in the middle of the street, not even telling her goodbye.

Knowing she was fine didn’t make him think about her any less. There were still unanswered questions in his mind and Harry couldn’t comprehend why she had left him. They were so happy and so much in love and Y/N never seemed to make an attempt to quit things. Many times she had declared her unconditional love for him, promising him to never part from each other and to stay together forever. Harry understood her feelings, the things she had written in the letter seemed quite logical to him but there was no reason for her to feel insecure.

Yes, Harry could have every woman he wanted however his eyes were constantly on his one and only true love. There was no one Harry could love as much as he loved Y/N. When it came to her, he was simply blind to anything else. His priority was to take care of her and make sure she was safe and Harry would never ever complain about it. He would be the biggest douche bag of the world if he did.

Months passed and there was still no sign of her. His thousands of calls and voicemails were left unanswered. He knew this was the way of her saying to get over her but he refused. He refused to believe it was over.

Her departure had left its deep mark on his life.

He once was full of life and love but now depression accompanied him throughout his daily life. His heart that used to be warm and kind was now nothing but cold as a stone. Harry had no desire to do anything anymore and working in the studio became more of an obligation instead of passion.

His friends noticed his terrible state and tried to help him as much as they could. Jeff advised him to write down his feelings, maybe it would kind of help him to get over her. So Harry did. He wrote down what his heart was telling him. And after hours and hours of thinking about her, he became a crying mess.

The tears would never stop streaming down his face. Even when Harry thought he had cried out his eyes, they would always produce more and more tears. Along with the constant crying, his drinking habits started. Harry was never a drinker, he only drank on special occasions however his terrible heartache led him to his new best friend. He tried to drown his sorrows by lots and lots of alcohol. He would do anything to get rid of that pain.

He would drink alcohol with breakfast, he would drink alcohol with lunch, he would drink alcohol with dinner and if he felt bored he would instantly escape to alcohol. He drank wine, beer, sparkling wine, vodka as if they were water. He would drink until he has overstepped his limits and passed out but the ache in his heart would still remain the day after.

Harry was slowly becoming mental and if he didn’t search for a psychiatrist he would finally lose his mind.

“My god, what did she do to you?” Anne remarked as she stood at Harry’s door, shock was visible on her face.

Harry seemed like he hadn’t left his house for days which was truly the case. His pyjama was worn out and he hadn’t changed into anything else since then. He had dark bags under his eyes due the lack of sleeping and his eyes were red and puffy and he had a hard time to keep them open because of the stinging pain he would feel. His normally clean and shaved face looked like he didn’t touch it for days. It were the nights that mostly took a toll on him. At night, all the images of him and Y/N he had memorized in his head appeared onto the surface, especially the experiences they made in the bed he was lying in. He couldn’t get used to the cold and empty space beside him every time he woke up or went to sleep. Her smell on her pillow was long gone but Harry still felt like it was lingering there.  Deep down, he wished she was still there and engulfing him with her warmth. No matter how much she had hurt him, he just wanted her back because this was the only way he could breathe again.

“Come in mum.” Harry uttered and stepped aside to make space for his mother. Anne’s heart broke at the sight of him. Harry did not deserve this at all. The heartache.

She made herself comfortable by sitting down on his couch. According to his messy living room, Harry did not only seem to care for himself but also his house. A sigh exited her lips. It had to be stopped. The constant mourning over someone she trusted her son to had to end.

“Can I offer you something to drink?” Harry asked tiredly, running the back of his hand over his eyes.

“No.” His mother responded sternly, gesturing her broken son to come and sit down next to him. “Come here we need to talk.”

Reluctantly, Harry joined her at the couch, his eyes looking expectantly at her.

“What’s up?”

“What’s up?” Anne repeated his words unbelievingly. “Do you even know what you do to yourself?”

His expression changed to a confused one. “What do you mean?”

“You have to stop thinking about her, Harry. It’s not healthy! How many times do I have to hear you getting yourself drunk, huh? Do you know what kind of impression you do make, especially to the public who won’t let you go since the first time you stepped a foot into this business? You’re not only hurting yourself but us as well with your behaviour. Me, Gemma, your father… Y/N, she’s not coming back, my dear. When will you realise that?”

Every single world of her stabbed him like a knife right into his heart. He was aware Anne had a point but it was difficult to accept it.

“Stop saying that mum…” He uttered, his voice quite but it was enough for Anne to notice its shakiness. “She loves me, I’m sure of it, and she will come back to me. You’ll see it.”

“Harry…” Anne sighed. “If she had loved you as much as you loved her, do you think she would have left you? No matter how insecure she was about herself, she wouldn’t do this to you. She would have known you love her more than anything else but even your love did not stop her from leaving you. And if she really cared, she would have come back to you long ago.”

“Stop mum, please stop.” The poor young man croaked, a thick lump developing in his throat and he had trouble to swallow it down.

“It’s the truth, Harry.”

“I don’t want the truth, god damn it! I want her!” He suddenly yelled. Anne flinched at the volume of his voice. Harry had never raised his voice at her.

Realising his actions, Harry broke down into heavy sobs and his mother caught him with her loving arms, bringing him to an embrace. His tears wetted the crook of her neck but Anne could care less. Her baby boy was hurting and it hurt her as well.

“I want her back, mum. I want her back.”

“I know, dear, I know.”

“Why can’t she just see that I need her, mum? Why can’t she just see that I’m dying? I can’t live without her.”

“Everything will be fine, love. I promise.“ His mother reassured him, kissing his temple constantly to calm him down.”We’re going through this together okay and I will never leave your side. Women will come and go but I’ll always be there! I will never leave you.”

Harry pressed himself more against her, just wanting to be held and kept safe. Anne did not leave that day but spend her time with her son, letting him cry on her shoulder as much as he needed. He was a man in distress and she would sacrifice her life in order to safe him.

***

“C’mon mate, you need to get out of that fucking bed.” Jeff urged him, trying to get rid of the thick blanket Harry was covered with. His friend tried to convince to go to a bar with him, just a bit of distraction would do Harry good he knew.

“No…Leave me alone…” Harry whined, cuddling more against the covers.

“Do you want to rot here or what?” Jeff remarked. “Boy, when was the last time you went out with us, hmm? Now move that big ass out of that bed and dress yourself nicely. We’re going and I don’t accept any complaints, you hear me? Or I’m going to kick your ass myself.”

Harry huffed but stood up reluctantly. “Are you happy now?”

“Absolutely and know go under the shower, you stink!”

After taking a shower and being forced to get changed into fancy pieces of clothes to look at least more presentable, Harry was dragged into Jeff’s car and they made their way to the city’s most famous pub. Most of the people Harry knew hung out there.

As soon as they entered the pub, Harry’s eyes found some familiar faces. His band mates had been there too and waved him to their table. Jeff grabbed his arm and pushed him towards them. The whole group greeted him with hugs and handshakes.

“Have you risen again from the dead?” Someone asked.

Harry gave them a slight smile.”It seems so.” He said shortly.

“I’m going to order some shots.” Jeff informed and then disappeared.

The whole night was spent again with constant drinking, talking and laughing. After a few shots, Harry was drunk but he could still realise what was going on around him. Jeff was totally down, also a couple of other friends and Harry wondered how he would get back home. Maybe he should call his bodyguard and they could pick up Jeff’s car the next day. He wanted to leave and sleep out his intoxication.

He was about to make his way out of the pub to give a call however the breath was taken from his lungs as he saw a familiar figure a few meters away from him. He may be drunk but he would never miss to identify her. She was as beautiful as he remembered. She wore navy blue dress along with heels with the same color and her soft hair that Harry loved to run his hands trough was straightened to her shoulders. The way she laughed, the way her nose would crinkle and her eyes would close made him fall in love with her over and over again.

“My angel…” Harry muttered, tear reappearing in his eyes. Finally after months, he was at the same room as her. He could breathe again. She had not discovered his presence yet. She was happily chatting with another woman in front of her, and Harry decided to make a move on her. He needed to talk things through. He needed her back in his life.

He was so close to her but something made him stop abruptly on his tracks. His eyes were glued on the hand at the curve of her back as suddenly a guy positioned himself next to her, giving her a kiss on her cheek whereupon she laughed sheepishly. She leaned herself against the man’s side as if there was a kind of familiarity between them. A deep bond.

Did it only take a few months for her to fall in love again? Did it only take her a few months to replace Harry? What about her loving him forever?

Seeing her in the arms of another man shattered his heart into thousand pieces.

It felt like the whole world stopped around him. The heartbreak was horrible enough but seeing the actions in front of him was another dimension of pain. He couldn’t stop staring at them. He couldn’t stop tearing his eyes away from them. He should be at that man’s position. He should be the one to hold her like this, to press her against his side and to give her a kiss on her soft cheek.

He should be the only one and no one else.

Harry didn’t know how long he stood there and observed them but after a time his love excused herself and left outside, probably towards the toilets. He didn’t waste a second and followed her instantly. She still didn’t notice him. As she arrived at the bathroom, she was about to press down the handle as Harry approached her.

“Does he make you happy?” He asked, hurt but curious at the same time.

Y/N’s body completely froze as she recognized the familiar sound of his voice. For a second she thought she had misheard him, imagining things however as she turned around to face him, her heart accelerated. She was heating up and the warmth rose till her cheeks. Their eyes finally made contact after months. She did not know what to say, it was like her tongue was being knotted.

She gulped before she spoke. “Harry?”

The way she said his name had still the same effect on him as always. Butterflies fluttered in the pit of his stomach. He closed his eyes, enjoying her voice.

“What are you doing here?”

“Could ask you the same.” He said. There was an awkward silence between them until Harry broke it. ”Does he make you happy?” He repeated his question from before.

“Harry, I think you should really go home.” She responded, wanting to enter the bathroom but Harry grabbed her hands in his, preventing her from leaving him standing there.

“Home?” He croaked, another load of tears brimming in his eyes. His thumps ran gently along her knuckles. “How do you expect me to go home, when there’s no home without you?”

#potterweekprompts2017, day 7: yer a wizard, harry

(on twitter)

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Have a very drarry Christmas!

(i know it’s past i’m sorry) but this one’s for ya’ll! Thank you so much for everything, these past months have been so much fun ヾ(♡ ³♡)ノ Especially @avoidakedavra for being the sweetest and most supportive person ever

You know what makes me want to cry? Draco Malfoy in sixth year. Remember you had to sit by yourself at school for a minute, or listen to your parents argue while you sat upstairs hugging you knees? Now imagine your weren’t sat for a minute, but a whole year, and you knew it wasn’t going to change. Imagine your parents arguing, not over who did the dishes our why they’re late home, but over a sociopathic murderer who you’re sharing your house with. Imagine having to kill your teacher. I can’t even try to imagine that but what I can imagine is how lonely he was and and I’m crying again.

the charming pirate and the naval officer <3


I’m sorry for having been so inactive, i’ve been dealing with some health issues and obsessively watching Black Sails

thank you for your patience!

for anyone interested, commissions are now open! thank you <3

5

All of them stood back to admire their handiwork. Nobody looking at these tents would guess they belonged to wizards, Harry thought, but the trouble was that once Bill, Charlie, and Percy arrived, they would be a party of ten. Hermione seemed to have spotted this problem too; she gave Harry a quizzical look as Mr. Weasley dropped to his hands and knees and entered the first tent. 
“We’ll be a bit cramped,” he called, “but I think we’ll all squeeze in. Come and have a look.”

Liam notices a fan with a sign asking Harry for a towel and hooks them up (Sheffield 30.10.15)

okay but imagine that james wasn’t in the house that halloween. he was talking to dumbledore or out to get groceries or anything that has him out of the house. so lily is home alone but she still sacrifices herself for her son, so the curse still rebounds and hits voldemort and “kills” him. so harry is still the boy who lived, but james is alive

and of course it’s awful. it’s a terrible moment, burying lily. james is devestated and has no idea how he’s going to raise harry alone. he has to testify that peter betrayed the order, because he’s alive to pass on the knowledge that peter was his secret keeper, not sirius. sirius doesn’t go to prison because he’s too busy helping james cope with lily’s death to go after peter, and peter’s already faked his death by the time he can leave james. 

remus and sirius move in with james to help take care of harry, because he swears he can’t do it on his own. remus doesn’t have to focus on rent and food money because james tells him he’s family, so he can focus on a job he actually enjoys such as editing or writing, something freelance so he can take full moons off and no one will wonder why. 

sirius refuses to get any job beside full time babysitter, curls up as padfoot and keeps harry warm and safe, especially when the boy gets older and starts having nightmares about what happened to his mom. 

harry is raised in the wizarding world, with the most protective family of anyone he’s ever met, and invites ron and hermione over to his house during the summer and somehow padfoot always gets them into some sort of trouble. 

when harry goes through hardships at hogwarts, he always has his dad to turn to. james would stroke his hair back from his forehead and kiss his son’s scar and remind him, “your mother was the most brilliant witch there ever was and she’s watching over you, so you’ll never have to worry.” 

even when pettigrew comes back and revives voldemort, james is on the quidditch pitch the minute harry comes back with the cup and cedric’s dead body, remus and sirius right behind him and swearing he’ll destroy anyone who doesn’t take his son seriously. 

the fight at the ministry harry’s fifth year, james would remind sirius to keep focused, remind him not to get overwhelmed with adrenaline and to focus, and would watch not just harry’s back but his best friends’ too. when he sees sirius too focused on making fun to notice bellatrix amazing a curse straight at him, he dives in front of it to push sirius out of the way and ends up in St. Mungo’s after the fight, a little bruised and battered but with promises that he’ll heal and a sheepish apology from Padfoot in the former of an old, drool covered chew toy. 

when harry disappears seventh year, he and james keep in contact with the magical mirrors that belonged to sirius and james paces the kitchen every evening, listening to potterwatch and shrugging off Sirius’ shoulder on his hand telling him that their boy will be okay because he’s incredibly smart and incredibly brave and honestly mate how’d you make such an amazing boy? 

and then the fight at hogwarts happens. remus and sirius have each other’s backs and james just wants to find harry. he does, a little too late, being carried out of the woods in hagrid’s arms. he breaks down and drops to his knees and remus and sirius look at each other and think, “there is no way we can fix him after this.” 

but then harry is back and voldemort is dead and james’ face is tear stained and they’re all worn out and bruised but their family is alive and sirius, a little hesitantly, offers, “…so who wants ice cream?”

Like honestly, why is it such a big deal that Ron struggles and complains about his problems once in a while when all other times he is always does his best to be there for his friends with their problems? People who complain about him act like he’s super unsympathetic and never helps Harry when like, off the top of my head, things Ron has done:

-Would always either stay at Hogwarts so Harry wouldn’t be alone on Christmas, or would invite Harry to his family’s for Christmas. Was also super casual about it and would come up with excuses why he was doing this so Harry wouldn’t feel awkward.

-when Harry didn’t write back to him, he quickly became worried the Dursleys were doing something bad to him, told his family about it (SEVERAL TIMES, apparently)  (like as far as I can tell every single day Harry didn’t write back Ron was panicking about it to his parents and siblings and wondering what the hell was going on) and then he hatched a plan with his brothers to steal a car, break the law, fly all the way to Harry’s house, forcibly grabbed him from his screaming relatives and then took him to his house. 

-Generally acts super chill about his mum blatantly giving Harry more attention than him, because he knows Harry needs it. Like, aside from a few jokes about it, he never acted overtly resentful about that. I think the Horcrux revealed that it made him insecure about whether his mum liked Harry more deep down (I’d have to reread the seventh book it’s been a while) yet he never once mentioned this. The fact he never let that show out of empathy for Harry is pretty impressive.

-tried to call Harry on the telephone despite not knowing how to use it and was then worried that he got Harry in trouble.

-when Harry wrote that he needed food, Ron once again informed his entire family and got an entire truckload sent to him.

-He informed Harry that even if he had to kidnap him from the Dursley’s home again, he was going to get Harry to spend the summer with them his family and see the Quidditch World Cup. He worked with his family to get an invitation sent to the Dursleys, then immediately wrote Harry a personal note saying “btw if they say no we’re coming anyway I will beat them all up if i have to”)

-if anyone badmouths Harry or Hermione in front of him, even someone he likes (like Seamus), he will rabidly defend them and basically prepare to fight that person.

-this includes teachers

-if someone calls Hermione (or anyone) a slur he will have to be physically restrained from attacking that person.

-when McG wouldn’t let Harry go to Hogsmeade Ron was in deep despair over the unfairness of it all, got personally angry and called McG several curse words. He and Hermione got Harry ton of sweets while they were there and tried to downplay how fun it was.

-When Percy wrote him a letter telling him to drop Harry as a friend, Ron made a giant show of ripping the letter into pieces and throwing it dramatically into a fire (what a nerd, honestly)

-generally did his best to be patient and understanding with Harry’s depression and anger issues in fifth year, but would firmly point out to him when he was crossing a line without flipping out back at him.

(which, as previous examples demonstrate, Ron’s fuse is pretty short, so that likely required a lot of effort on his part) 

(like, he and Hermione never invalidated Harry’s feelings, but Ron would point out when he was getting angry at the wrong people in a pretty calm way.  He said something like “It’s not our fault Snape and Umbridge are like that. We think you should stop taking it out on us when we’re on your side.” He was able to set boundaries and make Harry realize his behavior wasn’t okay while also making it clear he knew he was dealing with a lot and he was here for him and supported him. Pretty good example of how to friend and a lot more mature than most 15 year olds could have managed.)

-when he found out about Umbridge’s abuse, he was visibly sickened, argued with Harry for a long time than he needed to tell an adult, was upset Harry hadn’t mentioned it and when he couldn’t convince Harry, apparently told Hermione so she could help out and give him healing stuff. 

-also just the general fact he gladly went along with all of Harry’s super dangerous adventures and literally said he would die for him and never acted resentful of nearly getting murdered on a regular basis due to association with Harry

-guys Ron even told Voldermort to shut up when he said something mean about Harry i mean. let’s just consider that. He yelled at Voldemort. I’m pretty sure he was the first one who started yelling too.

So I really don’t get why people focus on the few times Ron complained and the whole two times in their seven year friendship when he got so fucked up about his own issues that he fought with Harry and didn’t support him (and the second time probably would not have happened if it weren’t EVIL SOUL SHARD THAT AMPLIFIED NEGATIVE FEELINGS) when the entire rest of their friendship is unwavering support. It’s so weird to me. You don’t have to like Ron, but acknowledge characters can be flawed and human and don’t hold him to ridiculous standards.