I wish I had someone to hold me when I feel like this. Someone who won’t shy away from my tears, or my angry words, or my silence. Someone who will just hold me until I feel like I won’t fall apart anymore. V
It’s been a long long time since the times when I was able to put my feelings into words. I just don’t know how to do it anymore, but I’ll give it a try.
Actually, everything is a mess. I used to work much with the details, but now I feel like it’s getting messier and I’m just letting it get. So many things are changing within me and I can’t catch up, it just feels like, so fast. And maybe that is why I’m having a hard time with putting things into words. I want to cry so bad right now but there is no tears in my eyes.
If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me.
They all tell me I should diet, lose some weight, do some cardio. Do they not know that I try? I barely eat, I work out like crazy. Charlie my own family wants me to change, and if it is for the better, Why do I feel so awful?
I hate my life. I live in an endless routine of school, homework, eat, sleep, and repeat. Im so tired of seeing the same faces and always going to the same places. I’m seventeen and my mom is so strict and I’m so scared to try new things. I feel empty and I hate it. I want to be adventurous and see new things and meet new people.