pristinepastel said: Hey, i know you like the first mummy, but what about the mummy returns?
I HAVE RETURNED…after like a day.
but what the people want, the people get!
RIGHT SO THE MUMMY RETURNS!
aka the only sequel that is 1000% just as good as the first one. like holy shit.
ten years later and we meet our heroes again. rick and evie are happily married, going on adventures, and evie’s dream of becoming a respected scholar has come true and they’ve made a tiny human!
the only unrealistic part being that they only had one kid, i mean they are still all over each other ten years later and you’re telling me they only had ONE kid.
okay. sure jan.
but boy o’ boy is that one kid awesome!
alex o’connell. this kid is literally:
50% evie super-klutz-genius.
50% rick screams-at-things-that-are-illogical-to-scream-at.
50% uncle jonathan’s sheer dumb luck and wit.
10% i’m really bad at math.
you get the point. HE’S GREAT. also the actor passed on harry potter because, JUST LIKE ME, the mummy 1999 was his favorite movie and he just HAD to be in the sequel. alex is just such a smart-ass little shit. that much like his mother, accidentally brings about the apocalypse by opening something he shouldn’t have:
ARDETH BAY TIME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. he has a much bigger role in this one. GOD BLESS.(because he was supposed to die in the first one, but test audiences loved him as much as we do, so they kept his fine ass around) he still looks prettier than everyone and is still so done with white people once again.
*after almost being killed on he bus* “this was my first bus ride.” *after realizing they’re gonna make him fly again* “why can’t you people ever keep your feet on the ground?”
he’s just such an awesome A+ friend goals, because while he probably needs to go be with other medjai to prepare for battle against anubis’ army (yikes), he stays with the fam to rescue alex. it wasn’t even much of a thought for him really, rick and evie just batted their eyelashes and he was like: *sighs* “these white people are always messing my shit up, but they are my white people.”
jonathan: still beautifully the same as ever. witty, clever, and would do anything for his family.
“be quiet alex! if there’s going to be any hysterics, they’ll come from me!”
“if you see anyone come running out screaming, it’s just me.”
when he boasts about being a good shot and ardeth is internally like “i’m gonna die.” THEN HE SAVES ARDETH. hell yeah.
rick: he’s still screaming at things. BUT IN DAD MODE. he’s the ultimate dad.
“you, lighten up. you, big trouble. you, get in the car.” *sweetly* “honey, what are you doing, these guys don’t use doors.” “knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you’re about to do to him, but this is my house and i have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.”
evie: still a super-klutz nerd, but with C O N F I D E N C E. little baby librarian is now a honey badger of ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK! and also a re-incarnated princess
“no harm ever came from opening a chest.”
rick: “i swear that kid gets more and more like you every day.” evelyn: “you mean more attractive, sweet and devilishly charming?”
we meet izzy, another one of rick’s ex boyfriends, who is a much more reliable mode of transportation than previously mentioned murder buses.
imhotep: still emo. still wants to make out with his gf.
anck su namun/meela: hella good villain. she bomb af and 100% wants to take over the world. amazing. she actually has like a really cool role this time too!!! like so much screen time.
the rock…i mean the scorpion king, he’s another emo villain with goofy cgi rendering and like 4 million terrible made-for-TV spin off movies that you are lying if you haven’t watched at least one of them and felt that utter disappointment. but who cares the rock is pretty. and this was his first acting role and the reason we have him where he is today.
thank you mummy returns for giving the world actor rock johnson #blessed
THE ROMANCE AGAIN:
normal action movie sequel romance: same guy. different girl. repeat of first movie’s romance. hehehehhehehehhEHEHEHEHHEHH.
not here bitch.
rick and evie’s love has only grown stronger. they still bicker like old ladies at bingo night. the still look at each other like they hung the moon. they’re still disgusting jonathan because they CANNOT KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES. one kid my ass. they still support each other and protect each other like crazy. they love each other so much and it’s so healthy and pure and there is some good in this world mr. frodo.
the bottom line here is. what’s the point of watching the mummy 1999 if you aren’t going to watch the mummy returns immediately after?
literally they begin with evie saving his life, like this ship began with girl saves boy and rick admits that’s the entire reason he goes on the adventure at all
lots of longing gazes
bANTER BANTER BANTER BANTER THE ONLY THING THAT SCARES ME MR O’CONNELL ARE YOUR MANNERS
the formal way they address each other, “mr o’connell” “evelyn”
TEAMWORK!!!!! ships that work together as a team are legit wonderful
basically every little thing evie does that wouldn’t be considered “becoming”
for a woman at that time, rick is very into. racing a camel? rick is
down. describe mummification with gross specifics? rick is very into it.
and then he steals nice tools for her which is basically the most romantic thing you could give evelyn carnahan as a present
“i… am a librarian” rick is aroused
when he helps her off the ground and very gently checks to make sure she
isnt hurt and basically casually holds her like wtf kind of romantic
bullshit is this
rick loses his shit any time evie might get hurt
like they have to hOLD HIM BACK when she goes with imhotep
“if they make me a mummy you’re the first one i’m coming after”
THEY ALWAYS HOLD HANDS WHEN RUNNING AWAY FROM DANGER
their kiss has a smiley NOSE RUB like kill me i hate them
they cuddle on a fucking camel
in the mummy returns:
A MARRIED SHIP THAT HAS BEEN TOGETHER FOR TEN YEARS, HAS A CHILD, AND IS STILL COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FULL OF LOVE AND SUPPORT
like these assholes have been together for a decade and still make out constantly
WHEN THEY DEFEAT THE MUMMIES ON THE BUS LEGIT EVIE CROOKS HER DAMN FINGER AT HIM LIKE THEY ARE SO TURNED ON BY ALMOST DYING THAT IS BASICALLY THEIR KINK
they compromise and still work as a team so well!! they know when to do it evie’s way and when to do it rick’s way
like he hands her a gun and she nods and they basically practice how to fight at home right? they have to. they choreograph this shit.
they still banter and tease each other and it is full of so much fucking affection, gag me now
THEY JUST LIKE HOLD EACH OTHER A LOT ITS LOVELY
i dont support evie’s temporary death but also brendan fraser is literally the only man actually acting in that scene and it hurts my heart to even consider rick living without evie like that man thinks screaming AHHH at mummies will make a difference, how would he even function
just like a lot of hardcore risking their lives for each other
“do you want to know what heaven looks like?” “nope would rather make out on this blimp pls”
those are the only two mummy movies nothing else exists sorry
favorite duos (of all time and kind): evy & rick, the mummy & the mummy returns. ↳ “listen, we’ve got to do something! once the creature’s been reborn, his curse is going to spread until the whole of the earth is destroyed!”