The Garden Party

Classical music subgenres
  • Fairy children dancing
  • ONWARD TO WAR
  • Electric guitars haven’t been invented yet so violins are still the sexiest instrument
  • Heavenly choir that’s way too long
  • Lost in a monastery and too timid to interrupt chanting to ask for directions
  • That one from the Bugs Bunny cartoon
  • Emilia’s garden parties are such fun!
  • Constance’s garden parties are not as fun as Emilia’s but still quite pleasant
  • Must we attend Gertrude’s garden party (Mother says we must)
  • Fairy adults dancing (NSFW)
  • You’ve heard this song a thousand times but your boss’ child has a flute solo so you have to keep nodding along
  • ONWARD TO WAR but with an indefinable Russian edge
  • An Italian man is singing from his belly so this is probably about love
  • (too quiet) TOO LOUD (too quiet) TOO LOUD
  • Intellectual supervillain shows off liberal arts education
  • Your boss’ other child has a ballet recital
  • Christmas
  • The other famous ballet that isn’t Swan Lake or the Nutcracker
  • Sitars?
  • The composer thinks cellos are sexier than violins
  • More dancing fairies but with an insidious tonal shift so you can tell it’s the weird kind with horns and this isn’t the nice part of the story
  • Church music that’s too bland to be heavenly choir or chanting
  • The Big Six

Daguerreotype portrait of Helene Biewend and her friend Emilie Fromke sewing in a garden probably somewhere in Germany, 1846. By Hermann Carl Eduard Biewend.

Source: National Gallery of Canada.