Thats the motto

  • Killian:I only saved your life for Emma
  • David:I'm only trying to save your life for Emma
  • [later]
  • Killian:hey so you wanna get a drink? For Emma I mean
  • David:yeah, let's go out. And maybe we can go sailing sometime. For Emma.
  • Killian:here Dave I bought you a birthday present. For Emma.
  • David:aww you shouldn't have, that's so nice of you, let me give you a hug... uh, for Emma.
  • Emma:guys, it's getting a bit weird...

i wanted to just chime in with my thoughts about @thephandomtea and any blogs like it (i have @ mentioned you specifically because i wanted to give you a chance to defend yourselves or respond to this post at all in any way).

i cannot honestly say that i’m surprised a blog like this has popped up, as i’ve seen it before in countless other fandoms. while there are both positive and negative “confessions”, i think we can all agree that the content on these types of blogs are mostly negative in nature, and i definitely think this is reflected on thephandomtea. we shouldn’t dismiss the good things that have come out of it, though, as i have seen many compliments and i know that a poc phandom meetup has gotten put together because of this blog, so it’s not fair to say that it’s all horrible! the problem is that the majority of it is, and blogs like this are ones that this community does not need.

i’m not making this post because something mean was said about me or one of my friends and i’m pissed off, i’m making this post because this kind of negativity isn’t acceptable. i completely understand not liking someone in the phandom, i completely understand being a “smaller blog” and feeling isolated from the “bigger blogs”, and i completely understand that there are a lot of things in this community that piss people off, but this is not the way to go about venting your frustrations. if someone annoys you, unfollow them, block them, blacklist them. with all the features that this website and its third-party extensions provide you, it’s really easy to completely eliminate someone from your tumblr experience. i get it - “throwing shade” is fun, but there is a huge difference between throwing shade and bullying, and many, many people submitting to thephandomtea and some of the mods themselves have crossed this line.

the people you are bitching about are people on the internet who you do not know personally, who give you a glimpse of their personalities on their blogs and, more often than not, are teenagers. i know that when you’re in your teens you feel all grown up, but the fact of the matter is you’re still a kid (and that’s not meant as an insult - being young is great, please milk it until it’s dry). the person receiving the most hate on this blog is sixteen. SIXTEEN! i know that doesn’t seem so young, but really, it is! sixteen year olds make mistakes. sixteen year olds can be annoying and insufferable and have big heads. sixteen year olds can be the shittiest people you’ll ever meet. but they are young and they are learning, and that is not an excuse but bullying them because they’re not really grown up yet is not solving anything. if they’re being problematic or annoying or mean call them out and do it nicely. people respond to kind words so much better than they do to hateful ones. they may listen to you, they may not, they may ignore you completely, and if that happens, move on. it is not your job to teach a kid on the internet to grow up. there’s only so much you can do before it’s out of your hands. bullying someone into acting correctly is not and never will be okay. (p.s. not saying only sixteen year olds and/or teenagers do this, because trust me, older people in the phandom are guilty of the same things. just using the age sixteen as an example bc that’s who most of the blog is targeting)

i know that this is such a tired and worn out card to play, and i know it’s been turned into somewhat of a joke, but let’s really take a page out of dan’s book and practice #nicerinternet, okay? it’s so, so easy to be hateful sometimes (i am too!! no one is perfect!!!), but it’s also really easy to be nice and spread positivity! if you don’t like someone, do what i suggested earlier and completely alienate them from your experience in this community. so many people turn to the phandom and tumblr to get away from everything that’s going on in their life, so instead of being hateful, let’s all do the best we can to make this a happy, positive experience for everyone involved. i fully encourage calling out problematic behavior and bringing attention to issues that need to be resolved, but that can be done in a civil manner that doesn’t involve personally attacking anyone. in the words of the beautiful and wise cinderella, have courage and be kind! 

i cannot stress this enough: think before you post, think before you hit anon, and think about the impact your words will have on both the community and the individuals they are directed towards. there is already so much negativity in this community - please don’t let yourself be a part of it.

The struggle is real.