Thank you Lovely

2

Weary

90

“No shit,” Harry mumbled, still chewing on the banana in his mouth.  “Freddie Mercury, was a fucking king. Is a fucking king. Will always be a king.”

“Agreed.” I giggled, still wrapped up tight in his sheets, watching him saunter around the kitchen.

I can’t explain the joy of that sight, Harry with his hair messy and long, wearing a tight pair of boxers and nothing else, dancing around to Killer Queen with a banana in his hand. It was such a simple sight, but one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen all at the same time. There was a happiness shifting within the deepest pits of my stomach, heart and mind. He was a vision, a dim-witted smile on his face as he clicked his fingers and sang along, swaying his hips. So beautiful. So perfect.

“Do you know what I would sacrifice, just to see him perform even one song live?” He groaned, sulking a little.

“With the little show you’re putting on, I think you could easily start a tribute act.” I told him, watching a gleeful smile spurt onto his lips. “I once saw a Queen tribute act, and they were fucking incredible. Can you imagine the real thing?”

“Even the thought makes me want to cry.” He said, and then started approaching me, singing along again. “Drop of a hat, she’s as willing as, playful as a pussycat, then momentarily out of action, temporarily out of gas, she’ll absolutely drive you-

WILD!” I joined in. “WILD!”

She’s out to get you!”

He jumped back onto the bed, making me scream with delight as he knocked me backwards, kissing at my lips as I squirmed and giggled below him, wrapping my fingers through his hair and trying to kiss him back, but my smile was stopping me.

“Oh my holy fucking shit, I’m so in love with you.” I told him. “This is like, the weirdest thing I’ve ever felt.”

“Good weird?” He said between attempted kisses.

“Yes good weird.” I blushed. “Amazing weird.”

I’d never felt closer with someone. Never.
Being in his arms felt like home, warmth and comfort and something that was just second nature, like I wasn’t even fully aware of it, it was just my norm. Laughing with him sent this weird feeling bubbling through my stomach, like I’d never laughed that way before, like certain giggles belonged to him, released from me for his ears only.
Being in love was a weird feeling, one that I was still trying to wrap my head around at the same time as having this feeling in my gut that told me I should have always felt this way, I should have always been with him.
After littering me with a few more playful kisses, he jumped back off me, sauntering back over to the kitchen, swaying his hips to the music.
I sat upright so I could watch him, Moggy jumping and curling up on my lap as Harry attempted to prepare our breakfast, too distracted by his dancing, and I could see how happy he was. It was almost like he was constantly smiling.
It was the 5th of May, only two weeks since we’d first said we loved each other, since we had sex, and although not much had changed, nothing felt the same.

“You tired?” I asked him.

He’d had a pretty restless night, his nightmare shining through in the way it always did, ruining what should have been his one escape, but some nights were worse than others.

“I’m fine.” He said, though I was sure he was lying.

“You should get some more sleep.”

“Ren, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

I think with each progression of our relationship, we’d both been hoping that maybe it would trigger something within him that would stop the dreams, or at least calm them, but nothing had changed. There wasn’t anything I could do to stop them, no matter how desperately I wanted to, it just wasn’t in my power.

“Harry.” I called, signalling for him to join me again.

Looking a little sceptical, he wandered back over to me, sitting at the foot of the bed and reaching out, locking our fingers together.

“You okay?” He asked.

“How’s therapy going?”

“You don’t need to worry about me.” He tried to dismiss.

“Well, tough shit, I do. So… talk to me.”

I watched his chest shuddering, using his other hand to run through Moggy’s thick, white fur, to which she purred appreciatively.
He looked down to his lap, taking a few moments to compose and ease himself before finally being honest with me rather than trivialising his thoughts.

“Ren, I-I can’t even explain, how happy I am for you… that you don’t go to therapy anymore and that you’re doing so well. It… It fucking makes my heart beat harder when I see you happy, and loving yourself. It makes everything better. But… I guess, it’s just kind of… It’s made it more apparent that I’m not there. I’m not even close. I just… I can’t even see an end and… it fucking hurts.”

He looked back up to me, the mornings sun beaming through his large window and making the green of his eyes even more captivating than they were usually. We were in the latter stages of Spring, and his eyes mirrored the world, green and growing and vibrant.
I had never seen his eyes during Summer, but the thought alone was enough to leave me breathless, just envisioning the kind of life that would burst within them.
I tightened our locked digits, biting gently at my bottom lip, my heart hurting.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. “I can’t even begin to understand how hard it must be for you.”

“Sometimes at therapy… it’s almost like I can see the hope draining from Dr Jacksons eyes. We’re both trying… so fucking hard. We’ve been trying for a year and a half now… every week… and we have nothing. I feel so… defeated. I’m so tired. We’re… trying all these new techniques with like… meditation and trying to access repressed memories but I don’t think it’s working. She even wants to watch me sleep now. We’re getting desperate and it’s killing me.”

I pulled him in closer, latching my hand at the back of his neck and making sure his forehead crashed against mine, looking deep into his eyes, residue filling them, just like the way that raindrops land on petals in thick splashes, beautiful but too heavy for their new home.

“How do you have the strength to not drink every night?” I asked him, trying to stay composed for his sake. “You know it stops them, so… I don’t know how you have that strength.”

“Because I’m fine with being fucked up when I sleep, but I can’t fuck up everything I’m lucky enough to have when I’m awake. That’s what would happen. I know it’s easier when I drink, but I can’t let it take over my life. I miss just… sleeping. I miss being able to enjoy my sleep. There’s only one good thing that I’ve got out of these fucking dreams. Just one. It just feels so… cruel.”

I lowered my brows, still trying to hold back tears because I was the one who was almost forcing Harry to talk. This was his time to be vulnerable, not mine.
But seeing him in pain and seeing him hurting was something that just recoiled. His pain was my pain. My pain was his.

“What the hell did you get out of this that’s good?” I questioned.

He swallowed, nudging his cheek further into my touch when I reached to wipe his tears away, his nostrils gently flaring.

“You.” He simply said.

There was an ache in my chest, one that I couldn’t distinguish. It was painful, like I was sad but reflective and grateful and this entire mix of things.

“Me?” I gasped.

“Without these dreams we wouldn’t have met. I wouldn’t have been at that group therapy session, and we wouldn’t have… been in a fucking fake relationship, which I still can’t believe we did.” He managed to laugh through his slow tears. “Without these dreams I wouldn’t have you in my life. But… you’re the only good thing.”

“Harry-”

“There’s supposed to be good in everything bad, and you were that. You were… are, my good thing. But… They could have stopped when I met you. They should have stopped then. It’s not fair. I’m so fucking tired, Ren. I’m so tired. I think fate might be real… and, if it took those dreams to meet you then… they were worth it. But I have you now. We’re here now and we’re in love so why can’t they stop?”

It wasn’t unlike Harry to see the good in something bad, no matter how difficult the search was. He would find a way to see some form of light within the dark, even if that meant sparking a flame himself.
I was the only positive he could see in this, and that alone hurt, because that meant that Harry had spent three years looking for light, trying to spark flint, and everything had remained dark.
I couldn’t comfort him. It was impossible. Any promise I could make, there was no guarantee I could keep. I wanted to tell him that everything would be fine, that one day he would wake up and realise automatically that he’d slept straight through. He’d wake up realise that his sleep had been nothing but pure, sweet dreams accompanying his tender slumber, and his nightmares would quickly become a thing of the past, something he couldn’t remember clearly, like most nightmares.
I wished that I could say that to him, but I couldn’t. I’d broken promises to him before and I didn’t want to do that again.

“I love you,” I told him. “And I’m so proud of you, for coping the way you do. You have to keep fighting and you have to keep trying. I’ll be here, all the way.”

He gave me a weak nod, eyes fixed with mine as his tears calmed naturally, composing himself, breathing in and out, and resting his forehead against mine.

“I feel like… I’m close, y’know? Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, and you’re there… I get this gut feeling that I’m gunna have the answer soon. Is that naive of me?”

“Trust your gut.” I simply replied. “Maybe you’ve been making more progress than you’re aware of. Remember how abrupt me finishing therapy felt? Maybe it’ll be the same for you! It’ll just happen. You’ll be making progress without even knowing about it. I’m sure you will.”

With no warning, he pushed his lips forward to greet mine, the tips of his fingers pulling me closer like he was desperate for me, like kissing me could cure the ache in his stomach and the agony in his heart. So I tried to kiss him back like I really did possess that power, forceful and commanding, trying to prove how much I loved him with every subtle pant and caring touch.
I heard Moggy groaning a complaint before she jumped off my lap, meaning I could clamber from my original spot and move to straddle Harry’s waist, dangling my arms over his shoulders and rolling against him, whimpering my sweet tune into his open mouth.
He groaned appreciatively back to me, his hands searching up my spine until he reached my bra, his fingers beginning to fiddle with the clasps.
I humoured him for a while as he tried to mess with the thing and get it off, just continuing to kiss him until I literally couldn’t, letting out the softest chuckle against his kiss

“Ren, don’t laugh at me.” He sulked, pulling away from my lips.

“I’m sorry.” I covered my mouth with my hand. “I tried.”

“This is all very new to me, you have to be delicate.”

“Okay okay, I’m sorry.” I was trying to restrain my smile.

“Just… Let me…”

The tip of his tongue poked out from between his plump lips, one eye gripped shut as the other looked up to the side, snapping the back of my bra as he tried to undo it, but he was having no luck.
I tucked my lips into my mouth, and it reached the point where my cheeks were literally hurting before I finally blurted out another laugh, flopping my head onto his shoulder.

“I’m sorry!” I cackled. “I can’t help it, I’m sorry.”

“Y’know what, you are the worst.” He huffed. “I see you in the morning, Florence Daisy Valentine! I see you putting your bra on backwards and then swivelling it round because you can’t do bras either! No one can do bras! Fuck bras.”

“Don’t turn this on me!” I cried.

“I will turn this on you. How long have you been wearing bras? And you can’t even do them properly. You’re a backwards bra person. You can’t say anything!”

“You’re so right, I’m sorry.” I kissed him again. “Bras are the worst. It’s okay that you struggle with them.”

“Piece of shit.” He said, beginning to meddle with it again.

I heard my phone ringing down on the floor by my side of the bed, and Harry let out a huge sigh, flopping back down onto the mattress and dramatically sobbing to himself.

“It just wasn’t meant to be.” I laughed, clambering off him. “We’ll try again after breakfast.”

“You’re going to have to make breakfast.” He wallowed. “I’m too sad.”

I fell with a thud onto the mattress with my head poking over the side so that I could see my phone.
When I noticed who was calling, I hesitantly reached out to pick it up from the floor, turning around and sitting with my legs crossed on top of the bed, my phone still in my hand.

“What’s up? Who is it?”

“It’s my sister.” I swallowed.

He flipped round so he could so me properly, his eyebrows creased towards the centre, giving me a somewhat cautious look.

“Answer.” He told me. “Don’t miss it.”

It must have been seconds away from going to voicemail by the time I eventually picked up, pressing the phone nervously to my ear, Harry’s eyes still on me.

“Hi.” I swallowed.

“Hi.” She replied, seeming just as anxious.

“H-how are you?”

“Terrible.” She replied. “I’m… terrible.”

Those words stung me, regardless of the fact we weren’t really close, and I hadn’t spoken to her since I’d learnt she told our mother about me quitting my job. I’d said I was cutting them out, but I couldn’t bring myself to ignore my sister. She was the one member of my family that I felt like I’d made some progress with.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Just… Beatrice Valentine. That’s what’s wrong.” She seethed.

What?”

I was more than used to Matilda always having our mothers back, and fighting her battles for her, and attempting to overlook her mistakes and her failures. I was definitely not used to hearing she had any bad feelings towards her. At all.

“She let me think for a week that you just… didn’t show to my engagement party. She let me think that you decided not to come and didn’t tell me why. She let me think that. She only told me on Sunday that she actually… told you that you couldn’t come.”

At that stage, it felt like nothing my mother did could shock me anymore. I had expected nothing less.
It was Friday, meaning the following day would be two weeks since the event, and it almost meant that she herself had known for almost a week, and she was only just reaching out to me.
It was something I could have bit her head off for, but I chose not to.

“I’m not really… speaking to mum anymore.” I mumbled. “I… I don’t know how I feel about speaking to you, either.”

“Please don’t cut me out, Florence. I know I probably deserve it. I know there’s a million things I could and should have done differently but… You’re my little sister. I want to try and make this right. Even if that doesn’t include mum. I want to make things right between us because I feel sick. I feel sick all the time, Florence. I keep… I keep remembering all these different things.”

“Like what?”

“I remember when we were little… Before grandad died and left all that fucking money. They sat us down and told us that they could only afford for one of us to go to private school, and that they’d chosen me. It… It’s like everything they did was just-just to prove that I was their favourite. Do you… Do you remember your thirteenth birthday?”

I blubbered abruptly, tears forming and falling and fucking hurting all within a damn second, suddenly remembering something that I’d tried to bury years ago.
I covered my eyes, trying not to look at Harry who had just hitched even closer to me, not wanting to look up and see the worry in his eyes, but happily taking his hand and linking our fingers when we reached for me.

“Yes.” I blubbered, my chest aching.

“They said you hadn’t done well enough in some stupid, pointless mock exams, so they hadn’t gotten you anything. All they spoke about all day was how fucking disappointed they were in you, and all you did was cry. Because… you’d tried so hard. You always tried so fucking hard.”

“I’m not as smart as you.” I sobbed.

“But you’re not thick either, are you? They always compared you to me. They always have and they always will. But… they’ve always been so harsh. And I’m only just seeing it. I’m literally only just seeing it. How smart can I really be? I’ve allowed myself to ignore these really obvious things and I’m so, so sorry, Florence.”

My hands were shaking, but I tightened my grip even more, squeezing Harry’s hand so tightly. It couldn’t possibly have been comfortable for him, and no matter how weak I was, it was bound to be hurting him.
He took his other hand, tucking some of my hair behind my hear and edging to get closer to me, wanting to comfort me more than I was allowing him to. I couldn’t even look him in the eye.

“I just… I felt like you were never there for me.” I wept. “And… you’re my big sister. You should have been there for me more than anyone and you weren’t. You let them boost you by putting me down, and it’s been so horrible, Matty. I don’t want to cut any of you out… You’re my family and I love you all so, so much, but I’m so tired. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Please let me try.” She begged. “I’m not going to force you to talk to mum and… I’m going to try and learn and not speak down to you in the way I have done before. Please let me try and make this better. I really want to try and make this better.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, but I want to try. I want to try and just… be your sister. Be your friend. Please, Ren. Please.”

A part of me felt like being her friend was just giving up, going back against something I’d decided to do only two short weeks beforehand. But another part of me felt like this was the exact progress we needed, and though it was coming a little later than I had been hoping for, it was still happening, and I’d be stupid to turn that kind of progress down.

“Okay.” I unlatched my hand from Harry’s to wipe away a tear. “Okay… Yeah.”

Really?” She beamed.

“We can try, Matty. All we can do is try.” I sighed, not feeling happy, or sad, just completely numb. “I’m not promising anything, because… I’m drained. But… we can try.”

“Thank you so, so much Ren. This means everything. Thank you. Okay so, I’ll drive over and see you soon, alright?”

“Okay.”

“You won’t regret this, Florence. I promise you won’t.”

“Okay.” I mumbled again.

She rambled on about how grateful she was for another few minutes before the call, eventually, came to an end, and I still felt numb.
Harry sat silently waiting for me to say something, my grip on his poor fingers finally loosening a little. My head was all over the place, wishing I could find the words to say, but nothing came.

“Ren?” He prompted.

“I feel like I just always fucking let myself down.” I spat abruptly, barely aware of what I was saying. “I’m so fucking weak.”

“Ren, no! You-”

Yes, Harry!” I finally looked up to him, tears blurring my vision. “It took me years to have the courage to step away from them, and one call from my sister and suddenly I’m trying to figure it out? I give up so easily. I turn my back on things all the time and I always, always let myself down!”

“You’re not letting yourself down, Ren! You always wanted to figure stuff out, and they needed to know how bad things were and how badly they made you feel, and they had to approach you. Because this isn’t your mess to fix, is it? It’s theirs. And they’re doing it now, and the fact that you’re open to letting them only makes you a fucking better person. You’re not letting yourself down, you’re doing yourself proud.”

Harry always had the perfect way of wording things that could make me view things differently, and change my mind. Harry could somehow make me see myself through his eyes to a certain extent, and make me feel as though even when I thought I was letting myself down, that I was actually doing the right thing.
He just knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.

“You really think so?” I sniffled.

“Your sister is willing to change, and work at this. You’re… such a big person for giving her the chance. Most people wouldn’t. Not after all the shit they’ve put you through. I really think you could figure something out with Matilda, and I really think you should.”

“Okay. You’re right. Okay. I’ll… I’ll try. That’s all I can do, right?”

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” He smiled, tears filling his eyes again. “You’ve grown so much. Proper sunflower now, aren’t ya?”

“Stop it.” I managed to giggle through tears, as he wiped away the final few with his thumb.

“You’re amazing, okay? And I’m not gunna force you to do anything. Whatever you wanna do, it’s your decision. Just giving my opinion, alright?”

“Your opinion is always so much better than mine though.” I kissed his hand. “I’d be stupid not to take your advice.”

He moved in and kissed me sweetly, and I just had a thought, just for a second.
That maybe things would always be that way.
Maybe me and Harry would always be there supporting each other.


91

“Does Harry still get jealous about me and you?” Zayn asked as I linked my arm through his.

“Hmm… I don’t think so.” I cooed. “I think now we’re a bit more committed, he’s a bit more chilled out about the whole thing.”

“Good. Maybe he’ll get off my bloody back now.”

Vocatus were hosting another evening for their staff, but this one seemed a little different to the previous. Harry had instructed we both dress up to the nines, and he’d literally invited pretty much everyone we knew.
Ahead of me, Niall, Sasha and Molly skipped in the right direction merrily, laughing and joking together, and if I checked back over my shoulder, I could see Harry, Liam and Mo bonding about something or other. We all had on our best dresses and our best suits. It was irregular to see us all looking so presentable.
I was blissfully happy.

“How’s your fake relationship going?” I asked.

“We’re prepped to the max now. I think we’re good to go. Time to show her off to my parents.”

“You’re gunna end up shagging her, aren’t you?”

“There’s a slight chance… I already have.”

“For fuck sake, Zayn!”

What? I couldn’t help myself. I’m weak!”

“This is already too complicated for your own good.”

“Like you can talk.” He huffed. “You bloody live with Harry now!”

“I realise that it all seems very ironic coming from me, but I’m also speaking from experience. You’re in for some trouble to say the least.”

“Well tell me this, Ren, are you happy?”

I looked back over my shoulder again, Harry already looking at me.
Maybe he’d heard his name.
Then again, maybe he just liked looking.
He shot me a wink accompanied by a gorgeous smile, and by the time I looked ahead of myself again, I was blushing.

“Probably the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“Well then, maybe I’m getting myself into something good, and you should stop lecturing me.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” I admitted defeat with a smile. “Just… don’t go into it thinking it’ll be easy, alright?”

“Whatever. Let’s get fucked.”

We walked through the front door, and the place was already heaving. The infamous V after D night there had felt so intimate and quiet, and this was the opposite. The room was full to the brim, everyone looking scarily beautiful. Everyone there looked sophisticated.
I’d grown up going to things like that with my parents, but I never thought I’d go to such a nice event with my friends, on my own time, by choice.
It was nice.
Harry appeared at my side a few moments later, snaking his arm around me, his fingers clasping at my waist.

“You good?” He leaned into my ear and asked as Zayn rushed off to the bar.

“I’m great.” I replied. “Are you?”

“Yeah. I’m really good. You wanna drink?”

“I’d love one. Thank you.”

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

Immeasurably beautiful.”

“Thank you.” I giggled.

“Have I buttered you up sufficiently?”

“Uh… I guess?”

“Okay, well… I told Liam about the fake relationship thing and he’s about to quiz you. BYE!”

He literally ran away from me, the crowds fucking parting for him like they were bloody helping him without even meaning to. Fucker.
Liam was literally next to me within seconds, giving me this knowing smirk, like he already had planned exactly what he wanted to say to me.
I awkwardly smiled back to him.

“Hi, Liam.” I cringed.

“You two are fucked in the head. Perfect for each other. Who else would do that?”

“Zayn!” I pointed the blame. “Zayn’s doing it right now! Be mad at him! Tell him off!”

“I’m not gunna tell you off.” He laughed.

“Oh. You’re not? Okay…”

“I just wanna… try and wrap my head around it. C’mon, let’s take a seat.”

Liam was kind of intimidating to me, and I was still trying to wrap my head around why that was. He had this incredibly friendly face, and this warm vibe to him, but he still scared me. I think I’d just gotten the impression when I’d seen him that he was incredibly protective of Harry. I think he was the type of person who would never shy away from warning Harry off people he didn’t trust. I felt like I’d really need to be in hid good books or else he’d go back over to Harry and not care about saying he didn’t like me.
It was admirable, but terrifying.
We sat down together on one the dark grey sofas, and I tried to loosen up a little.

“So,” He seemed friendly enough. “Why did you do it? Doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“Uh… I think it would if you met my parents.” I swallowed. “They’re uh… They’re hard work.”

“Why?”

“They don’t agree with anything I do. They think I’m a massive disappointment. I just… I wanted them to think that I had something in my life that was going well. Just one thing. It didn’t even work.” I shrugged. “They just… can’t believe that someone as brilliant as Harry would be with someone like me. Kinda backfired.”

“That’s shit. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. It is what it is.”

“Okay, so, I get that.” He nodded, gazing out around the room. “But what about Harry? What were his reasons?”

“I think he just… kinda wanted his parents not to worry about him so much.”

“Well, that’s ridiculous.” He almost groaned, brows lowering. “That was never gunna work. They’re not gunna stop worrying about him until the dreams stop. None of us are, right?”

It made sense to me, why Harry had done that. I think in his head, it worked in the same way it did for me. It just felt like it was one less thing. Just something that had changed that they no longer needed to feel concerned about.
I guess I’d just never really thought of it in the sense of his parents knowing he had someone beside him to take care of him when the dreams got bad. It hit me in that moment, that that’s why he wanted them to think he had a girlfriend; so he wasn’t spending his nights alone and scared.
That was the main reason he wanted to get into that fake relationship.
It made sense to me, but what Liam was saying also made sense.
None of us were going to feel okay about what Harry went through until it was over, until we knew that he could sleep through the night peacefully for the first time in years. We were never going to stop worrying about him.
I nodded, feeling a little defeated, kind of numb to everything, even when I felt a huge thud beside me.
Louis had expertly jumped over the back of the couch and sat himself down on the back of it, his feet and his legs snuggled between the two of us.

“Oi oi, look who’s arrived!” He was a lot cheerier than I could allow myself to be. “Nice to see you both again.”

We both tried to cover it so well, but the greetings myself and Liam conjured up and shot back to Louis were nothing short of miserable.
He tensed alongside of us.

“Shit, sorry, have I butt in at a really bad time?”

“Louis, you know about Harry’s dreams, yeah?” Liam asked.

“Yeah. I… Yeah.”

He slumped downwards so that he was sat on the sofa properly, and his face had dropped considerably. It had taken just seconds for us to lower his mood considerably.
I suddenly remembered that not only did Louis know about Harry’s dreams, but he’d seen them. That was something even Liam hadn’t experienced.

“Do you worry about him?” Liam continued.

“I do, yeah.”

“And it doesn’t make a difference that he’s with Ren, does it?”

“I mean… I’m glad you’re there for him, and everything,” Louis turned to me. “But… No. It doesn’t stop me from worrying. Not after…”

Liam sat up a little, glaring back at Louis, and the grumpy look on his face proved to me that I had been right to feel a little bit intimidated by him.
His love and protection for his best mate clearly brought out this almost aggressive side of him.

“Not after what?” He prompted.

“Harry asked Louis to… watch him, once.” I sighed. “From what I heard, it didn’t go well.”

“He freaked out, I freaked out. It was a mess.”

There was a part of me that still kind of hated myself for ever suggesting to Harry that he should let someone else see his dreams, no matter how logical it was. I had used it against him for the wrong reasons, a way for me to mentally distance myself from the boy and convince myself that there was nothing special between us.
Hearing about how awful it had been only made me feel worse.

“What happened?” Liam asked, and it took all my might not to just run away from the two of them so I didn’t have to hear it.

“I mean… I knew it was coming so… Well, it wasn’t nice to see, but I’d been expecting it! It wasn’t too bad at first, but then… When I’d managed to wake him up, he like… He froze for a second, just looking at me… and then he flipped. He… swung for me. Thankfully, I dodged it, but-”

“He tried to hit you?” I cried.

“The worst part about it was how much he bloody apologised to me about it. Literally, for like, two weeks after. Every time I saw him. Drove me mad.”

“I can’t believe that!” I ran my hand through my hair. “I’ve never seen him like that! Not even close! He’s always been scared when he wakes up but never angry! I’ve never felt like I had to worry.”

“He said… summat about my eyes. I dunno. It didn’t make much sense to me. He was in a bad way. And then, like… I’m useless at the best of times, so then I start freaking out because he’s freaking out, and… I ended up knocking over and smashing this vase of sunflowers he had and… it was all just shit. He calmed down pretty quickly but, it did not go well. Like, he’d told me about them before but… I didn’t think they’d be like that.”

I was holding in tears as I took my eyes and looked to Harry, who was stood charming all my friends, nothing but magnetism and beauty shaping him. There was no way you would ever know the struggle he went through almost every single day of his life.
I knew from what he’d told me that afternoon, that he was actually exhausted. He was running out of stamina, slowly but surely.
I stood up rapidly, leaving Liam and Louis behind and just heading straight towards Harry. I don’t even know what I wanted to say to him or what my plan was, only that I wanted to be around him, to be in his company and to not be in complete denial that we shared a connection unlike anything else I’d ever known. I did help him, even if I wasn’t entirely sure how, I did.
I took his hand in mine as soon I could and dragged him to the corner of the room.
When I turned to look up at him, he saw the tears in my eyes.

“Hey, what’s happening?” He came closer to me, clasping his large hand against my jaw. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.” I shook my head. “I just love you, okay? I love you so, so much.”

“I-I love you too.” He replied, seemingly confused. “Promise me you’re okay?”

“I promise. I just… I need you to know that I love you, more than anything. And I’m thankful that you’ve helped me so much, and I’m gunna do my best to return the favour.”

“You already help.”

“Well then I’ll do more.”

He moved his lips and kissed my forehead sweetly, wrapping his arms around and me and holding me close to him, and he whispered that he loved me over and over again.

“…Um can I touch ur hair?”
Uh I drew you and @juuria for no reason so here it is hope ya like it

———-

HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK JESUS CHRIST THIS IS AMAZING THANK YOU SO MUCH CMERE LEMME SMOOCH U ON BOTH CHEEKS

3

Fire walk with me

Also @walk-among-us, @ohschistitsageologist, @prideandperdition, @ollis-beard, @dragon-on-the-sea and @type-ho-negative tagged me to do this selfie thingy, thank you!! c;

I’ll tag: @hera-salander, @kiwiturilli, @sebasura, @asylumsammet, @moveslikejaromir, @moonslices, @monicasanoli, @dauntlesswarden, @orthar-the-tooth-collector, @under-a-godless-sky, @misshammett, @death-delirium, @mathiasismywhore, @hobbitsmind, @resist-and-bite, @celtic-frosted-flakes, @kaylaapril620 and @bruceedickinson

It’s really amazing how much the egos have grown. They’ve become such a large part of the community that I always find myself forgetting that they’re all still Seán. It’s really something magical to see just how much Seán and this community have brought to life with all the edits and theories. I know I say it quite often but thank you to everyone who makes this what it is!!!

4

KotoNico phone backgrounds (๑˃ᴗ˂)

requested by @berlitzxxx 彡☆

How is it already Sunday?? This weekend is flying by! 😆 I wanted to share my painting  "Farlena" this morning because it’s the last day of #SDCC2017 😲 I still have prints of her at my booth 4723 and she’s available online too 🦋 So even though some of you can’t be here to see me,  you can still order online through my Custom Print Shop. 😉 You check it out on camilladerrico.bigcartel.com 😄 There’s lots of print options for you to choose from like size, paper type and signes or unsigned. So cool! 😊 But it’s been so amazing to have so many people come out and see me at the show! I’m blown away by the love and support! 😙💖 Thank you so much! 🙇❤

hey y’all, it’s macy aka kimsjaehwan aka baekhyeun ^.^ so the other day was this blog’s one month anniversary and right after i hit 1k followers??? wow, i’m in awe, i haven’t had this blog for long but i’ve already met some incredible people, my eyes have been blessed with beautiful creations, i’ve grown as a creator/editor and i feel so comfortable in this fandom, each and every one of you are amazing and i love and appreciate you all so, so much 😖❤💕💘

thank you so much to the lovely blogs i follow, you guys bless my dash with quality content all the time and i’m so grateful to you all 🌺

Keep reading

Everyone’s talking about the reunion between Arya and Nymeria, and as great as that was i keep thinking about the reunion between Arya and HotPie. I think the talk did a lot for her and really brought her down to earth, and not just in the sense of her learning of her brother’s victory. In the beginning she’s so tense and almost crazed looking; like she isn’t really herself, but that reunion really brought her into her own and reminded her a little of who she used to be. When he says “you’re pretty” I think that effected her. It might not have been prominent in the midst of the other news but i think that was big. I hope she takes that to heart and realized she’s not the boyish thing she used to be. She’s a strong, beautiful woman. Overall the emotional connection between those two old friends in that scene warmed my heart.

Today.

Today sucked. No other way to put it. There are going to be days like this. There’s unfortunately no getting around that.

I was feeling down. I had gotten hit with that one thing too much: that one comment, that one post, that one action that compacted everything into a huge ball of hurt. To be honest, I was contemplating stepping away for a while; taking a break and deciding if this was all worth it. I write because it makes me happy, and if this was the result… I got off Tumblr and busied myself the rest of the night. I needed a break from drawing and decided to tempt fate and come back for a few minutes.

Holy cats, you guys…never would I have ever expected…

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so very much for all the kind words. I really can’t express how much they mean to me. I’m literally crying right now and I can assure you that is not something I do easily.

Today sucked but today was also an amazing reminder that while sometimes things seem bad, there is always good to even it out.

A special thank you to @overworkedunderwhelmed, @lahiffed, @yoyos-on-the-wharf, @youcancallmecirce, @pyromania2014, @casforpenelope, @alya-bug, @lalunaunita@tournee-de-la-ladybug, @dragonfantasy90, @tearoffire, @lunian, @maerynn-blog, @alpacalypticpotatoes, @talvin-muircastle, @newrageinc, and all the sweet Nonnies who sent me messages. Guys, I can’t even…your support and love mean the absolute world to me. Thank you with everything I have in me.