BDIPC's Most Bangable Dudes of the 2011 USGPCX

We’re giving some serious consideration to relocating BDIPC HQ to Bend, Oregon, because, c'mon, is there a more appropriate, hilariously-named location for BDIPC? We think not. But for the time being, we’re back in the Midwest, and as we landed earlier this week, we knew that the USGPCX series was really and truly over. It’s hard to believe that the Planet Bike Cup was less than three months ago. At the time, if we’d been told that we’d be present at three of the four races, we’d have laughed in your face. (Who are we kidding? We probably still will.) But here we are, still a little overwhelmed by all that we’ve seen happen and that’s happened to us. And once again, we feel half-done. As if we didn’t quite get finished off in the way we expected. We’ve clearly got some unfulfilled needs. So let’s wrap it up BDIPC-style, shall we?

Today, we proudly present to you our Most Bangable Dudes of the 2011 USGPCX.

We kick things off with a controversial choice: Team Rapha-Focus rider Chris Jones. He’s been on our radar ever since he arrived fashionably late on the USGPCX circuit after recovering from his ToB injury. But then the SSCXWC controversy happened, and we said, “If he can’t take fifteen minutes of pain, no way in hell would he last a single round with the girls of BDIPC." (Now, to be fair, the SSCXWC wasn’t part of the USGPCX series. But this is a traveling circus, isn’t it? Everyone’s here together, then we’re all somewhere else together, and if you really think about it we’re all pressed up against each other in one way or another no matter where we all are, and who can really say for certain what happened where and with whom?) You see, BDIPC was 100% behind the Relegate movement. But then we thought about it: Here’s a man who set his mind on one thing and Did. Not. Let. Up. He’s got a hard head and really thick skin, and you know what a bunch of suckers we are for anything hard and thick, don’t you? Say what you will about him, but here’s a man who seems as if he knows how to get the job done. Our curiosity has outweighed our contempt enough to want to find out for ourselves: Can he seal the deal? 

We’re shy about admitting this, but in Bend, we hardly recognized Jake Wells. Not because we hadn’t met him before–oh, we had–but like a handful of the other Dudes, he’d shed some signature facial hair. See, we think that Jake gets overshadowed by the other Wells men. And how very unfair! When we finally got a chance to spend some actual time with him in Bend, we were momentarily struck speechless at the blue of his eyes. He’s one of those Dudes whose eye contact is unnerving sometimes, and we can’t say that we’re easily unnerved. And then when you add in the scruff and the shaggy hair and the surfer-dude-from-the-mountains air he’s got about him, well! It makes us want to bikini up and jump in the sandpit with him. He’s one of those ‘workingman pros’, a master multi-tasker, and that does make us wonder exactly how many things he can do at once. But what we’re interested in isn’t what he does professionally. We’re interested in exactly one of his hobbies. Woodworking, Jake? Really? We’ll show you woodworking.

It’s no secret that the BDIPC staff has a big thing for ultrahard Dudes. So when we watched Ryan Trebon suffer through the second day in Louisville, something felt familiar. We felt like we’d seen something like it before. Instead of "We don’t have dinner with second place!” we found ourselves shouting “C'mon, baby, it’s almost over. One to go! Leave it all out there,” and meaning it. And then it hit us. Watching this happen in front of us felt positively Hoogerland-ish. It didn’t even have a name until now. We recognized the raw determination and pure grit and instantly our insides went liquid. Just when you think you’ve seen it all.

Honestly, what is there left to say about Ryan that hasn’t already been carved into every surface on the Internet by his unusually rabid fanbase? Well, of course we could talk for hours about how it must feel when he wraps his arms around you and pulls you in, or what it might feel like to get your chin roughed up by his stubble when he kisses you for the first time. We mean, just imagine how hard your heart would race as your hands fumbled with the hem of his shirt as you pulled it over his head. Or how it would feel to arch your back so he could pop the clasp on your bra. Or what it would be like to slide your ankle up onto his shoulder. Oh. Oh, we apologize.

Ahem. As you can see, it’s so easy to get carried away by what you can see with the naked eye. You can take that all on its own and have yourself quite the time (see above). But that’s not our point, or what makes Ryan so insanely mind-blowing. His Bangability transcends the physical. Believe us, we’ve evaluated countless Dudes, and we’ve never, ever met a Dude with a bigger, stronger heart than Ryan. Now, put that heart in that body and take all of it in at once and shhh, other people can hear that little involuntary moan you just let out. All we’re saying is that we can’t wait to see you back in action. Far and away, Ryan, there was no one else that even came close to you. And whether or not you’re the one posting up across the finish line at the ChiCrossCup New Year’s Resolution races, there’s only one line we’re interested in crossing with you.