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Day One Hundred and Three

-The first guest of my shift placed their babbling, giggling newborn on my conveyor belt for me to ring up, instantaneously paving the way for a bright and joyous day.

-I became ecstatic to find a roll of fresh, new, spring-themed stickers the size of my face at my register. The sticker renaissance shall now commence.

-I rang up an intimidating biker with a wizardly beard for his purchase of one single Dr. Seuss book. I now consider him a close friend, as I stand by my lifelong belief that not a soul who reads Dr. Seuss can do anything wrong.

-Shortly after the discovery of my spring stickers, I came to the realization that they were, in fact, a heretofore undiscovered strand of Christmas stickers that we had not previously had on hand. I do not understand why we have such a large and untapped stock, but I am prepared to make the most of it.

-A man in his sixties, phenomenally spry and smooth-skinned for his age, purchased forty dollars worth of dried prunes. I believe he may have uncovered the secret to immortality. While I appreciate the scientific progress this man is making, I will embrace whatever final form nature has in store for me so long as I do not have to give up my crunchwrap supremes.

-A mother asked her child if he wanted his shoe back, pulling one single Croc out of her purse. I am not sure what he may have done to lose his shoe privilege in the first place, but I am glad to see that he is earning it back.

-After I gave her a sticker, a mother told her daughter, “Say thank you.” In a brilliant moment of word association, she peacefully replied, “You are welcome.” I consider myself blessed by this small person and will live out my life in bliss.

-I befriended the kindest and most eloquent child named Bennett. We shared a lovely conversation, touching on such topics as how nice our respective names are, his recent go-karting accident, his subsequent recovery, and stickers. I believe I may have found my Best Man.

-A woman in her seventies attempted to run her husband over with her cart, gleefully yelling, “Beep beep beep!” Hopefully, I have just received a glimpse into my future.

-I have adopted a new motto in life, and that motto is as follows: “You have never seen true purity until you have seen an infant in glasses." 

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Six

-A woman’s total came out to $6.32. She handed me $5.07 and waited patiently for her change. I let her know that there was $1.25 left, to which she let me know that this was the correct amount for her to receive back. Upon getting my point across, she handed me $1.00 more. Hesitantly, I pointed out the discrepancy, at which point she took the balance out of my hand and passed me a crisp ten.

-A bouncing baby with, what I suspected to be, a full diaper, showed me his talent of fitting his entire fist inside his mouth. Already, he has accomplished more in life than I could ever dream of achieving.

-When asked how she was today, a woman replied with only silence and a single thumb raised to the sky. This fleeting moment spoke volumes more than any mere words could.

-In one of the most tragic moments I have yet to witness, a jar of salsa slid out of a man’s cart and shattered into thousands of spicy shards, spraying all over his sandal-clad feet. This was not a tragedy for his loss of mild picante pleasure, nor did the sadness lie in the hot mess left for me to clean. The deeply troubling nature of the situation stemmed entirely from the squelches that accompanied each of his steps after.

-A man asked me not to bag any of his items, as he had, instead, brought along with him a large bucket.

-A five year-old girl approached my register, got up on her toes to rest her arm along the bar, and, holding up five of her little fingers, ordered as many stickers, to go. With a flick of my wrist and a wink of my eye, I served up this order, receiving only a blank expression in return. True artistes are never appreciated in their time, but I will never give up the Craft of Flair.

-I handed a child a sticker. His mother prompted him to thank me. When he did not, his mother revoked his sticker privilege and insisted that he say his thanks. Instead, he turned to me, looked directly into my eyes, and said, “Voodoo.” I deeply wish she had just let him keep the sticker. Another curse is the last thing I need right now.

-I saw a man in his eighties walk into the airlock at the store’s entrance, perch himself upon a motorized cart, and drift swiftly to sleep. I want this man to take me under his wing and teach me, as I could never achieve such sound slumber so speedily in such a trafficked place, but I know that I can never ask him as much. That would involve waking him up, and that simply will not do.

-I watched a young boy walk up to my lane, brandishing a pixelated sword from Minecraft and a Peter Quill mask from Guardians of the Galaxy. He asked me if I could ring up his aforementioned “Star Wars toys”, and after a brief pause, if I had heard of that new movie about the galaxy guards. When I told him that I had, he informed me that he was, in fact, the guy from that. Naturally, I was starstruck and asked him for more details. This rare celeb sighting was sadly cut short, as Star-Lord’s dad leaned over my counter, stole my hand sanitizer, and demanded to know what exactly was with these credit card chips he kept hearing about everywhere.

-A newborn child, scarcely two months-old, rolled through my lane and, in the moments that followed, changed my life. I smiled. She giggled. I waved my hand. She waved her foot. I stuck my tongue out. She waved both her feet. This is now, and will forever be, our secret handshake.

Nargles

I was in Target today and I walked by a family and the mother was complaining about the price of something and the little boy (who couldn’t have been older than 7) looked away with a faraway look in his eyes and said “I suspect it’s the nargles” and his family was really confused, as they were asking him what a nargles is he just kept shrugging and it was hard for me to keep a straight face

Day One Hundred and Twenty

-A woman in her forties thanked me for carding her, saying that I gave her a reason to smile and made her entire week. My reasoning for this was that our computers have changed and we now must have a physical ID to progress with the purchase, but I am happy to take credit for this accidental good deed.

-A British man came through my lane and, upon leaving, said, “Buh-bye.” I have now determined this to be the greatest accent to say this phrase in, and the greatest phrase to say in general.

-My register crashed in the midst of paying for a $250+ transaction consisting of dozens of small-ticket items. I went to the adjacent register to ring it up again, yet this register shut down on me as well. This misadventure came in the middle of hours of guests berating and shouting at me for a number of things well beyond my control. If either God or Karma exists, I am looking forward to a good payout in return for surviving this day.

-As a reward for stopping a newborn from committing shoplifting, I was granted a free Starbucks drink. Today being payday be damned, this is the most gratifying part of my week and I am all for this brand of instant gratification for shutting down infant heists.

-A woman purchased a picture frame with a stock photo of a beagle pup leaning out of a car window with just the tiniest bit of tongue hanging out. This is undoubtedly the worst possible selection for use in any picture frame being sold. The purpose of the stock photo is for it to be replaced, but now not a soul in their right mind ever will do so.

-An abandoned origami dollar bill has been left in my till, identical to one a mysterious, benevolent guest left me weeks ago. I have just missed my friend. I am devastated.

-A mother asked her child if they wanted a sticker. After a long and thoughtful pause, they ultimately landed on a no. I am unsure of what factors this toddler was weighing, but I urge them to reconsider.

-A man in his late thirties slid into my lane at turbo speed, skittering to a halt on the medical scooter he and his injured leg were mounted on. Such a move would have been made thricely glamorous were there the sound of screeching brakes to accompany it; luckily, this man came with his own effects, supplying exactly this for me. He purchased only a bicycle bell for his new primary method of transportation and took it without a bag, eager to begin a life wherein everyone is entirely aware of his presence anytime he is in the vicinity. His leg may be broken, but his spirit never will be.