Things that are better than the NHL’s decisions

* Stubbing your toe

* Burning yourself with a curling iron

* Biting into a pizza roll and burning your tongue

* Introducing yourself on the first day of school

* Not being able to breathe through your nose

* Cold French fries

* Hitting your funny bone

* Getting a papercut

* Drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth

* A mosquito bite in between your toes

* Smudging your nail polish

* Kerry Fraser as a referee

* Michel Therrien as a coach

* Faceoff penalty rule

* Stepping in water while wearing socks

If only the NHL was as concerned about player safety as they were about the type of pants goalies wear. 👀👀

Hockey Penalties and other phrases

  • Too many men = too much man.
  • Icing = skate too slow, team too tired
  • “Play is under review” = 4 blind men didn’t see the play and now will spend 15 minutes trying to revive their eyesight.
  • Off-sides = skate too fast, no goal for you, dumb af
  • High sticking = stick to yourself, no one wants your stick in their face.
  • Goaltender Interference = no idea, such bullshit.
  • Roughing = too touch, much bad touch
  • Game Misconduct = very bad touch
  • Fighting = slight scuffle, mostly hugs.