To be borderline is to have little sense of who you are or what turns you on. At its extreme, it may mean having to turn to others for cues in order to know when to eat or drink, work or rest, or even laugh or cry. It may mean intensely embracing a person, idea, or thing one day, and having no use at all for it the next. This lack of a constant picture of one’s self, one’s values, or one’s passions is at the heart of the borderline personality. Imagine floating randomly through space without any sense of up or down and without a map to show you either your origin or destination. To be borderline means to lack grounding emotionally and to exist from moment to moment without any sense of continuity, predictability, or meaning. Life is experienced in fragments, more like a series of snapshots than a moving picture. It is a series of discreet points of experience that fail to flow together smoothly or to create an integrated whole.
Richard Moskovits, M.D. about BPD identity and sense of self based symptoms in his book Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder
Louis finds himself out of place in LA, unable to get
at an itch that’s been bothering him for years. He supposes back in the
early days, home hadn’t been a place. It’d been a person. He’d etched it
permanently into his skin for fucks sake.
It was always him and Harry. Stuck to each other like super glue. Pulled
together by some magnetic force, existing in their own bubble. Everyone
could see it, but that was half the problem, wasn’t it?
It’s not like Louis can pinpoint the exact moment in time when him
and Harry fell out of sync. There wasn’t really one at all. It had been a
gradual slip, like the tide wearing away at a sandstone cliff. Chipping
the solid foundations until there was nothing left to stop the
structure falling to the waves below. It’s not like he spends all of his
time sitting around moping over a lost friendship, he’s good at
distractions. But LA only seems to accentuate the distance between them.
Two separate planets, not even in the same solar system.
Or the one where Harry and Louis finally get it right.
harry/louis | Canon au | 11 chapters (completed) , 103k.
“Do you ever think about how many different universes there could be? Like, there could be a million different versions of you out there.”
“I know,” Louis replies, “I think I like this version of me best though.”
“Yeah?” Harry questions, squeezing his sides. “Why’s that?”
“Cos this version of me’s got you.” Louis tells him simply, resting his head against Harry’s shoulder.
Harry kisses the top of his head, smoothing his hair down. “I would have found you in any universe though.”
I just want to lay on a comfy couch somewhere, and rest my head on your chest. I want to hear your heart beat as you run your fingers through my hair. I want to wrap my arms around you and sigh in content as you kiss the top of my head. I want to look up, and gaze into your eyes until our lips meet in a sweet embrace.
“The idea that Will had to reject Hannibal in order for Hannibal to turn himself in was something that Mads and Hugh had concocted and pitched to us and were so excited about where their characters were going and how they would separate.
I’ve never worked with two actors who were a) totally in sync with themselves and b) were such incredible collaborators and would constantly come up to us and pitch story ideas that were not necessarily plot driven but just emotionally driven and they frequently helped us out in the writers’ room.”
- Bryan Fuller, “Digestivo” Season 3 DVD commentary
So Hugh cowrote TWotL final scene and they were both in on the end of Digestivo? You little shippers. I demand to see your AO3 archives NOW.