Awakening Stories: Psychic Awakening

My awakening story is very fresh and new. I had been my living my life in a very sad, lost, and very clouded state, after my awakening and much digging I am here to share about myself in hopes there are others out there like myself. There are many elements that factor into it and I honestly think if I could include them all I would have a novel so I’m going to centralize this to my awakening only, as much as I possibly can. But first I need to provide some back story.

I have always been a strange child, different from all my peers. I went to two different grade/middle schools (Catholic Schools, so it was K-12) and Catholic High School. I always felt a connection to God, but never in the way that was taught, even from the earliest age.

I have always had a strong memory, my earliest memories are from the time I was 2 years old and I have confirmed the memories throughout my life and hold them vividly to this day. Along with this were very vivid, symbolic dreams. From the age of 4. They would wake me from sleep in utter joy and amazement or paralyzing fear and I had no way to explain to my parents as to what they were or why they made me feel that way. They were so obscure! (I will and give example).

When I was 3 years old. We moved from an apartment to a House, about 40 minutes away. A huge upgrade, financially we were doing amazing. 2 BD 2 BA to a 5 bedroom house with just me and my parents. Around The first week stayed in that house. I had a dream. I was sitting in my living room of the new house, and the walls turned to fire, burning up like lava and it was gone instantly. I screamed in terror, but I was no longer in my house. But a gold brick hallway, and a pharaoh child was with me. Headdress, blue and gold stripes. He told me not to be afraid because my home was not gone.

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anonymous asked:

Prompt: Spock is trying to woo Bones, but said doctor is completely oblivious because there is no way anyone would want a grumpy old divorced doctor, let alone Spock who is amazing and wonderful. Basically poor Bones has some self-esteem issues, and even though he's head over heels in love with Spock, he's so sure there is no way Spock could ever want him.

I need to get my writing mojo going and kill some time! Send me a ship or a character, and a word (or an au) and I’ll write a 500-1000 word drabble for it.

So it’s more Leonard being cantankerous and confused rather than being down on himself, but this prompt seemed to nicely follow another one I did. I hope this is okay for you Nonnie!

Part 1: Spock POV

Vulcans are weird.

Okay, it’s not like Leonard knows many Vulcans, well, really he only knows a half Vulcan so…

Half Vulcans are weird.

It doesn’t take much to figure that out. First they’re all stoicism and logic doing everything so by the book you just want to smack them upside the head with one, and then they’re all wild, deeply emotional displays that leave you staring in open mouthed shock trying to figure out how you’re supposed to process what’s just happened. There’s no middle ground with them that’s for sure, and they certainly keep you on your toes. Well, at least Spock does.

The man is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma that is impossible to read and defies all attempts to understand him. You’d think for a person that’s so damned invested in logic, that there would be a logical way to determine just what it is that makes him tick.

There isn’t; Leonard’s tried, because that would just be too damn easy now wouldn’t it?

It’s a very good thing that Leonard likes a challenge.

Half Vulcans are confusing.

Leonard has always assumed that Spock only tolerates him because he respects his medical qualifications and abilities. On a personal level, he’s always gotten the impression that Spock would be just as content if their paths never crossed - which, honestly, Leonard was completely fine with because Spock seems to have a very unique ability to rile Leonard up with very little effort.

So imagine his joy when, after a little moment of weakness on Joanna’s birthday, Spock kept randomly showing up wherever Leonard went.

Okay, they’re on a space ship, there’s only so many places a person, especially an officer, can go. Bu it’s still a very big space ship, and there should be no reason for Spock to randomly appear from behind every corner Leonard turns.

Now if it was Jim, Leonard would, does, understand. Now though, he’s seeing more of Spock than he does of Jim. Turn around in med-bay, and there’s Spock watching him with a bland expression that Leonard might mistake for boredom, if not for the fact that Spock’s in med-bay during his free shift. Spock sits with Leonard during meals now, and even walks with him from the officer’s mess toward med-bay when their meal hour is over – and he has no idea when their meal times started lining up, but it’s been every day for a month now.

Then there’s the touching – which if he’s being honest with himself, Leonard doesn’t mind. They’re just small, seemingly accidental, unconscious grazes of Spock’s fingers over him - the back of his hand in the hall way, the inside of his wrist in med-bay, along the back of his neck as Spock passes behind him in the mess hall. Now, they’re not unpleasant, far from it, they send a pleasurable little tingle down Leonard’s spine that he has to consciously force himself not to notice, but it is a little unnerving. Aren’t Vulcans supposed to be touch empaths?

Either way, it all has Leonard feeling jumpier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

“Excuse me, doctor.”

Leonard nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound of Spock’s voice. He turns away from the inventory he’s organizing to look at Spock, his eyebrow rising with a silent demand to know what the hell the man is doing in his med-bay when it’s clear that he has no injury. “Yeah? What is it, Spock? I’m a bit busy, as you might be able to tell.”

“Yes I see that, my apologies for interrupting. I came to inquire whether you would like to join me for a meal this evening.”

Leonard’s eyebrow climbs higher. “You’ve been eating every meal with Jim and I, Spock. Don’t think I can exactly stop you.”

“You misunderstand, Leonard. I was speaking of a private dinner, between the two of us. I have acquired some Kentucky bourbon, and the captain has informed me that you are quite fond of it.”

Leonard stares, his mind frantically tries to process all the information being thrown at it. Is Spock asking him on a date? Do Vulcans date? Does Spock even know what a date is? No, no probably not. That’s just ridiculous. He’s a middle-aged, divorced, human, why had he even thought the word date? Spock probably just doesn’t like bourbon and sees this as the most effective way to get rid of it without being disrespectful to the person who had given it to him.

“All right,” Leonard responds at last, his voice a little wary. “I never say no to a spot of good bourbon. I’ll be by at the end of Beta.”

Spock nods “I look forward to it, Leonard.” Is that- is that a smile tugging at the corner of his lips? It’s gone before Leonard can be sure, and Spock’s out the door and probably back to the bridge.

What in the hell?

Half Vulcans are impossible.

It’s been another long day, and all Leonard is looking forward to, now that all the fires are put out, is his bed and a nice glass of bourbon. There’s only so much hell a man can live through before enough is enough.

He’s just gotten out of the shower when there’s a knock on his door. “Yeah just a minute.”

It better not be someone coming to bring him back to medical. He turned his damn comm off for a reason. If it’s a true emergency Jim can override, but anything short of the plague breaking out or a full on Klingon invasion force his very capable medical staff can deal with.

He pulls on a pair of sweats and throws a t-shirt over his head then goes to let whoever it is in.

The door slides open to reveal Spock standing there with a- “Is that a bouquet?”

He must be more tired than he thought, his imagination is getting the better of him.

“Indeed. May I come in, Leonard?”

“That- Yeah, yeah sure.” Shaking his head, Leonard steps aside to let Spock through, and the door hisses shut behind him.

They stand there for a moment, both of them awkward, just staring at each other.

“So…a bouquet?” Leonard can feel a smile growing, though he’s not sure if it’s hysteria or not, so he tries to keep it under control.

“Yes. For you. I was talking to Jim, and it seems as though the intentions in my romantic overtures to you were not being fully understood. I asked him what he thought the best way was to make my intentions plain-”

Leonard groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. He can feel a headache coming on. “Did you honestly ask Jim for advice on dating? On dating me?

Spock blinks, nods, and then, then comprehension dawns. “I suppose that was not wise, Jim will-”

“Jim is going to tease us for the next millennia, you can count on it.” Still, Leonard smiles, and reaches to take the flowers Spock is still holding.

Their hands brush. Spock trails his index and middle finger up the back of Leonard’s hand, sending that delicious tingling through him all over again. “It is worth it, because now I get to see you smile.”

Half Vulcans are impossibly confusing idiots, but in this case, Leonard can’t bring himself to care. A warm bloom of happiness fills him and his smile widens as he meets Spock’s earnest gaze.

“So, Spock, what exactly are your intentions toward me?”

Sugar Water


all i want is chubby!dean dressing up as a bumblebee for halloween and it could be for cas or not i really dont care i just want chubby bumblebee dean is that too much to ask

lisT en @DANI: this could go one of two ways - fluff OR smut… or if you’re me - then both

Imagine them both at 10/11 years old and Cas is developing a real interest in aviation - planes, birds, UFO’s, you name it, but specifically - bees.

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You press your hand to your mouth, holding back a laugh as Dean begrudgingly flips Cas’s badge the right side up.

 "He’s new,“ Dean mutters, and you can see the embarrassment on Cas’ face. Soon, Sam and Dean strike up conversation with the victim, and you decide to take Cas outside after he commits one to many obvious social blunders. 

 "Cas,” you say, making sure not to hurt him, “don’t take this the wrong way, I love having you here, but… What’re you doing? You’ve never joined us like this before."  He looks down, trying not to make eye contact with you. Slowly, you reach for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

 "It’s okay, you can tell me.”

“I wanted to show you that I was capable, so that if you ever wanted, we could go hunting together. But now I know that it’s not the right lifestyle for an angel. The Winchesters far surpass me.”

You can’t help but let a quiet laugh escape, and Cas looks up at you, hurt in his eyes.

“Cas, I’m not with you for your hunting skills. I’m with you for you. Sure, you may not be the best fake FBI agent, but you’re a damn good fighter, and incredibly smart. Besides, knowing that you can’t lie is kind of a good thing. Don’t worry about impressing me. You’ve already done that a million times over.”

He smiles at you, bending down to softly kiss your lips. “You make me want to be better. That is all it is.”

“Well, I think you’re better than better.”

GIF found on GIPHY.

5 stages of grief Bleach style

Denial: HAHAHA what ending? Bleach finished at 685


Bargaining: Okay, here’s my fix-it fic where everything ends the way I want.

Depression: *cries while thinking about how amazing Bleach used to be*

Acceptance: The ending sucked, but there’s nothing that can be done. I may not like it, but not everyone was going to get what they wanted. Time to move on and fill the void in my heart with fanwork. 

Tagging Game!

I love these things so thank you to the lovely @laisvega for tagging me!

Let’s get started! 

1. Currently Reading?
Mostly fanfiction these days. I used to inhale books, but I’ve found so many great writers and the stories just keep on coming so it’s like priorities hahaha
I do have “Winter” by Marissa Meyer waiting for me. 

2. The lyrics currently stuck in your head?

“And I could easily lose my mind
The way you kiss me will work each time
Pulling me back into the flames
And I’m burning up again, I’m burning up”

Georgia by Vance Joy

3. What’s your go-to comfort food?

I love food, but I don’t think I have a certain food I eat whenever I’m upset (if needed I’ll just raid the shelves in my apartment for anything). Food that tends to make me happy/comfy though is fried rice, like my mom used to make all the time when I was little (only mine is better. sorry, mom, but cooking never was your strength <3)

4. City lights or star lights?

Star lights!! 

5. How long have I lived where I live now?

I’ve lived in this city for a year, but in Sweden my whole life. 

6. How have you been horribly disappointed by a book or show or whatever you love?

There have been way too many times that I’ve been disappointed by shows (books not so much). Most of the time it’s because of the writers’ not understanding their own material. They have characters act out of character, or they come up with storylines that make no sense. 

Vega mentioned How I met Your Mother which is a perfect example. The ending of that show made no sense. Sure, it might have in the beginning when they first wrote the show, but over the years they’d been telling the audience one thing after another which went against the way the story ended, having the characters evolve and mature and CHANGE, only to stick with the ending they’d planned years ago. It made no sense, they forgot what they had written. They didn’t understand what their own story had become.

7. Favorite lazy Saturday activity?

Reading all day, a book in one hand and food in another. 

8. Have you ever done anything you said you wouldn’t?

In my childhood home I was the douchebag that ate the food you left in the fridge. My brother and sister have lost a lot of snacks over the years….(I paid them back of course, it’s just that the food was right there, within reach)

9. Tell us a story?

Picture tiny cute girl in third grade.
She’s cute.
She’s tiny.
She’s stupid.
She doesn’t know how to tie her shoes.
She also sucks at swimming.

Picture tiny blond boy.
He’s popular.
He’s nice.
He’s smart. (smartest boy in class)
He knows how to tie shoes.
He’s very good at swimming.

Girl has a pair of shoes that needs to be tied. She doesn’t know how to tie them properly. (Girl will blame parents for years because honestly what were they thinking?)

Enter boy. He helps her tie her shoes before going out for recess. This happens several times.

Now to the swimming part:

It’s their class trip. Everyone’s excited to go the big city for two days. “And did you hear we’ll be going to an indoor water park?”

Girl has fun at water park. She likes the slides. Though not the ones too far up. She’s afraid of heights.

Then she discovers the big pool. It’s fun but a little bit scary. She’s not a good swimmer but she sticks to the edges. What could go wrong?

Well, for one thing, the park has wave simulations.

The waves start and the girl panics. She reaches for the edge of the pool but the waves are pretty big. She can hear the parents yell at each other to help her. One of the grown ups are on their way to her.

Then, there’s a splash. Boy dived into the water. He grabs hold of girl and leads her to the safety of the edge of the pool where she can hang on and relax and breathe. He waits with her to make sure she’s okay.

Girl never forgets this, even years later…

(Just a cute memory of this nice classmate I had when I was younger. Seriously, he was so nice. Oh, and plot twist: I WAS THE GIRL DUN DUN DUUUUUN)

10. Time travel or space travel?

Neither. I don’t mess with that shit.

This was super-duper fun! 

I’m tagging: @meowmers-on @jasperandgemma @ozzymandius @kreeblimsabs and @pumpkin-dream (here you go, Pumpkin, you said you were bored ;) )

No pressure to do this of course, it’s all just for fun!

Yeah I don’t think I want to be with Dan. At all.

I’m realizing my happiness is directly proportional to the time I spend away from Dan. And don’t get me wrong he’s got so many good qualities. But even just a few things from this morning demonstrates why he’s so fundamentally impossible to be attracted to, the way he acts nowadays.

The loungeroom where he’s sleeping now smells like the dank sweaty odour of a grown ass man who refuses to take care of his own personal hygiene.

I asked him if he could wash up the last few  items since I cooked us breakfast, after a grudging yes, he left it till I was in the shower, so the water was constantly going hot and cold.

He’s being a disgusting slob around the house and making poor excuses for it, and he knows it too because whenever he seems to realize that I’ve got one foot out the door he apologizes when I haven’t even said a word about it.

He’s spend every. single. free day since we split up last Thursday no-lifing League and Overwatch at his desk. He showered once at the beginning of his work week and not since, and it’s not the following Tuesday.

He made a big deal of the fact that he was going to grab groceries. I popped down to say hi when I got home from uni and realized that ‘groceries’ meant multiple blocks of chocolate and mi goreng instant noodles for dinner.

Does he expect me to be attracted to him?

Does he think he’s making an effort when he wakes up around 11am every day and plays games in his unwashed dressing gown until its time to sleep again?

Does he see the problem in constantly telling me how much fun hes having being absolutely nothing when Ive been waking up at 6am every day to study and not stopping until I’m too tired, going to bed and repeating?

Does he think I’ll want to give him a hug when he smells like BO from three paces away and his toothbrush has been sitting dry and untouched on the bench for 2 days?

When I come home after dark and hook into my assignments and he’s hovering around wanting me to pay attention to him, keeping on annoying me while I’m saying please, I’m trying to study. Doesn’t he realize that every minute he’s putting his own dependence on me first? He’s not learning anything, he’s not even trying to.

He keeps saying how this is a temporary arrangement so we can get back together, but every day I realize more and more how it’s really not.

And it’s not like I haven’t tried these past years. He just flat out refuses to care about any of it. He doesn’t care if I find his hygiene disgusting, he says my sense of smell is too sensitive. He doesn’t care if he sleeps in all day, he tells me I’m the only one that has a problem with it so I need to learn to deal with that. Honestly, now that I’m not trapped in the relationship, I find it incredibly difficult to justify why I would ever go back to him.

thesunnahthebetter  asked:

11 and 50!

Hiii, salam! :)

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

Oooh, I’ll have to go with 4 years old! Is is weird that I remember SO much from my early childhood? I have so many favorite memories and moments from age 4 :) Me and my big bro walking to Daycare (me)/Pre-k (him) and always stopping by the deli for candy on the way back, starting to learn Qur’an (LOL but there were lots of tears, not gonna lie), saving a bird with a broken wing, and helping it to heal until the day the came when it could fly on its own :’), us taunting the ice cream truck with our bootlegged firecracker popsicles [out of utter jealousy] cause our momma rarely gave us ice cream money! “nah nah nah nah nah, we don’t want your ice cream, we have our own!” We were some savage kids, I tell ya. 

Awww thank you for this question, I’m having some real good nostalgic feels right now!

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

Oh my goodness, too many, and most of them revolve around my niqab haha! You can’t wear the niqab in NYC and not expect to have at least a few unusual conversations on the subway/bus/ferry. But hmmm, the most unusual would actually have to be one that took place in a restroom! I needed to do wudu so I was in the process of removing my niqab and hijab when I noticed some seriously heavy breathing to my right. I turned to see a woman gaping at me in shock. I asked her if she was alright and she just stared at me for a few moments more and blurted, ‘wha-, uh, sorry, wow, you have a face. wow.’ I literally did not know how to respond, so I smiled and said, ‘yeah!’ and introduced myself. She was reallllly sheepish afterwards and apologized some more, but let me know that she had expected some damage/scarring at the very least (lol) and assumed I covered my face for that purpose. I spoke to her about why I wear it for a few moments more! She was sweet and understanding, probably only a couple of years older than me, but yeah, that was certainly one interesting/unusual encounter!


Happy 34th Birthday, Sebastian Stan! 

There were times I wish I could have had a more normal upbringing, in terms of being in one place and going to the same school the entire time. I’m very grateful for where I came from and the way things worked out. I already feel like I’ve come a long way. If this is what’s happened so far, if I keep on the line I’m going, then perhaps many other great things will happen. It’s just the beginning.


When it’s expressed to me that maybe I could in some ways be resentful of not being able to do other jobs because of Thrones, not being able to change my appearance, it’s a no-brainer. If I were to go back and choose whether to do Thrones again, of course I would, 100 percent of the time. Because it’s opened up so many doors for me, and put me on the map in a way I couldn’t have dreamed of in drama school. I love it, and I’ll deeply miss it when it’s gone.

if ultimate story time comes to your town please go support the show!! this show was amazingly written, casted, executed and all of the above. it was ridiculously diverse and contained something for everyone. the songs were absolutely incredible and went along perfectly with the plot. this show contains some seriously talented people that deserve a heck lot of recognition. with only 5 actors and a limited props I was in awe. I’ve never seen a show like this, and I think I never will again. this show was so rare and so pure I wish everyone could see it. I was kind of disappointed to see such a small crowd because these people deserve a lot more. while watching I could definitely tell how much time and effort that went into this show, which I really appreciated. so many important issues were addressed in a way that I’ve never seen before. this was such a quality production and I feel so honored to be one of the first to see it. I cannot stress it enough, PLEASE GO SUPPORT THIS SHOW!! tickets are relatively cheap!! I would definitely go see it again!! It was so creative and refreshing to see something so different!!

anonymous asked:

How do you think a ColdFlash relationship would work out if Barry was a Rogue before becoming the Flash? I have so many thoughts about this constantly. Like, what if he wasn't adopted by Joe, so he ended up in the system, and because of that, his life didn't turn out the best. He stills visits his dad when he can, but he works at low-key places due to not having good opportunities in life and ends up meeting Len or the other Rogues and eventually becomes one.

Oh man, I totally forgot this was in my inbox (that happens way too frequently, for the record), probably because I wrote out a response in my head like 5 days ago… anyhoo!

This seems like the setup for a fic (and actually, I swear there are fics on this premise?). 

I think for me though and how I think about this, it comes down… how is Barry being characterized? Is it still Barry in the same way we know him on the show? Still the same person but with different experiences? Or is something about him changing?

Because if we stick with his core characterization, it is very important to Barry to see himself as the good guy. Someone who ‘only breaks the rules to help people’ (as he says on 1x22 before enlisting Cold’s help). Someone who absolutely can and does break laws and bend rules and do shit like lock people up without a trial, or take blood samples without their consent, but someone who does all that he does in the service of what he believes is to help protect others.

So if you keep that element of him (which I would, because that’s how I roll), him as a ‘Rogue’ sort of starts to look interesting. It would have to be him starting to steal in the service of something other than his own gain. He could, in theory, make enough money to make ends meet on his own with his various jobs, especially because he doesn’t have any kids or dependents, so he wouldn’t need to engage in theft to cover his own bills. Not to mention that Barry as we know him is noble and wouldn’t want to steal for purely selfish reasons.

So I see a few possibilities for him getting into the Rogues while keeping all that in mind. One is him helping some Rogues who are in danger and getting into the fold mostly on accident (maybe Shawna is in over her head at some point? maybe he saves Len from someone about to shoot him in the head?). Another possibility is that he stops a Rogue (maybe Bivolo holding up a bank and Barry happens to be there at the time) and Bivolo ends up seeing his potential and asks him to come along and meet the other Rogues, while Barry is trying to convince him to train his powers so that if he’s gonna do bad things, he doesn’t hurt anyone with them. Maybe Barry saves a cop (Joe) from Mark Mardon’s powers and they get into a fight until Mark gets amused and decides he likes this kid and it would be fun to work alongside him?

A final possibility is that Barry started stealing on his own, but did so from either bad corporations or else bad people, and had a sort of Robin Hood thing going on. I can picture him showing up in a crooked CEO’s office and ‘convincing’ him to compensate his workers who got injured or something and lost the law suit against the company. Or an insurance company. Or I can see him forcing a company to stop doing something like spilling toxic waste where they shouldn’t, after meeting someone who was affected by it. Things that aren’t ‘heroic’ in the way we see the Flash now, things that are definitely illegal and get the attention of the Rogues because of how he goes about it, but still very much ‘Barry’ in their motives. That, or stealing from the mafia haha. That would get Len and Mick’s attention quickly, I’m certain. Giving what he gets to people in need.

In any of these cases, you still get Barry who tries to be noble and help people, but now he’s caught the attention of the Rogues and he would love, I’m sure, to connect with people like him, other metahumans. He’d recognize the ways in which they’ve been disenfranchised and probably get along with all of them, especially because of what happened to him in his childhood, and if he’d never been adopted then I can only imagine that he’s seen enough bullshit in the system to really be jaded about some things. 

And Barry as part of the Rogues in this way would be amusing. Because he’s not just noble, he’s also incredibly stubborn, when it comes down to things. He isn’t easily swayed by anyone around him and basically does whatever he wants anyway. So I see him staunchly refusing to join if they continue killing people, and so being on the outskirts for a little while until they realize just how powerful he is and start to compromise. Him being convinced to steal things with them (because it’s fun and nobody is getting hurt, he tells himself) but then donating every dime he makes on these jobs to charities or using it to help people because he feels too guilty keeping him. And the other Rogues thinking he’s ridiculous for it but also adoring him because of it?

Anyway, all of those would be setups for potential Coldflash. Len being sort of mesmerized by this skinny whip of a meta who is, quite possibly, just as stubborn as Len himself, who somehow made it through the system as realistic and jaded but with optimism and hope and a deep capacity for affection intact. Who wants to help people, even if he’s stealing, and has a ridiculously bright smile whenever they pull off a job, like he’s waiting for praise of some sort, until he gets cocky and then the smile is even more ridiculous. This new Rogue who is full of life and swagger and affection, who became fast friends with some of the other, younger Rogues, and gets close and tries to help them through their issues. Helps convince Shawna to leave her deadbeat boyfriend, helps Mark cope with his brother’s death without resorting to murder as revenge. Even Mick is growing fond of the kid, and Lisa’s been teasing Len all month about Barry’s neon-bright and flashing crush on Len. And after that, it’s just sort of natural that they fall into one another?

(ps - just realized you might have meant him as a Rogue before becoming a metahuman??? In which case, I can only imagine Len bringing Barry on as a tech guy or a hired hand, but I can’t see Barry’s motive in working jobs as such unless some situation forces him into it. Maybe someone he cares about has medical bills he needs to pay and this is the only way he can think of to get enough money to help them? And he finds himself feeling sort of like he’s found a second family once he’s done a few jobs with the various Rogues and met more of them? But refuses to work with them after someone gets killed until/unless he gets an assurance it’ll never happen again, and the Rogues have enough of a soft spot for him by then that they [mostly just Len] agree?)

Remus – Part One

I remembered stumbling through the grand doors of the Great Hall for the first time and staring in awe. I remember feeling small and afraid and alone. And then, I remember looking to my right and seeing him next to me. He was shorter then, but he had the same intelligent spark in his brown eyes. And I remember noticing his hair, brown and soft. And I remember the feeling of my heart skipping a beat then resuming on, twice as fast. I remember feeling my cheeks tinge pink and being afraid he’d notice. He never did.
I’ll always remember that day. I noticed his soft smile and kind eyes that day. I noticed how he analyzed everything around him, and how he took everything in, looking at the school as if it were home and he’d been wandering for ages. And I remember falling in love.

My books scattered across the stone floor as I knocked into passing students. I bent over to pick up my books and was surprised to see another set of hands gathering the leather bounds. I looked up and saw the same contemplative brown eyes that had been next to me on my first day at Hogwarts. My heart skipped, as it always did around him, but I ignored it as usual. “Thanks, Remus.” He said nothing, just gave me that soft smile and handed me my books.
We stood up and began to walk to Transfiguration, our next class. I heard running footsteps behind us, but didn’t bother to look. The marauders appeared next to us, slapping Remus on the back and pulling my ponytail. I laughed and ducked to avoid Sirius’s hand. The boys sandwiched Remus and me, slinging their arms around our shoulders. “Remus, Bethany, how would you two feel about an adventure?” Sirius tossed us an impish grin. Remus and I shared a knowing smile and looked back at the boys expectantly. Sirius looked giddy, James mischievous, and Peter adoring.
“We were thinking that our two favorite bookworms could do a bit of research and figure out how to cause just enough chaos in History of Magic to postpone the test Friday.” James shot a hopeful grin at Remus and I. “I just think it’s unfair that Binns is testing us on the material so soon after teaching it, and perhaps if we were to delay it just a tad…” I gave James a knowing look. “Sirius and I were out last night and didn’t study.” James admitted, his cocky smile dropping off his face.
“I’ll go to the library tonight and figure something out.” Remus caved. Despite his respect for the rules, he never could pass up a prank with the marauders. He looked down at me, “Do you want to come?”
“Sure. After dinner?” Remus gave me a heartbreaking smile and nodded.
We all walked into Transfiguration and took our usual tables in the back corner. I cracked open my book while the boys caused general destruction around me. I glanced up after a few minutes, feeling eyes on me. Seeing Lewis staring at me, I blushed and quickly returned to my book. Lewis was a Slytherin that I worked with in Herbology. He wasn’t unattractive, but I had never thought of him like that. Would I have if it wasn’t for Remus? I peeked up again, and saw that Lewis had turned away, his ears pink from being caught looking at me. Unfortunately, James saw me look over and followed my gaze. He snuck behind me and put his mouth next to my ear. “Hi.” I jumped and whipped around.
“God, James. What?” I groaned, still flustered.
“Lewis White, huh? Funny, I never thought him your type.” Sirius and Peter chuckled. “I can see it, though. He’s probably as good of a bloke as you could find in Slytherin.”
“Are you going somewhere with this or do you just like to hear yourself babble?” I spat.
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a little crush. You can share with the group.” Sirius piped in, laughing. “God knows you could do with a little action in your life.” He, James, and Peter all burst out laughing, knowing full well I was sensitive about my love life, or lack of one. I snuck a glance in Remus’s direction. He chuckled lightly, then turned back to his Divination homework.
“You know, we could help you out a bit, if you want, of course.” James smirked down at me. “That’s what we’re here for. Come on, take a favor from your mates.” I just glared. Taking my silence as an affirmative, the two boys began to stride over to Lewis’s table.
“James! Sirius!” I hissed.
The fact that at that very moment McGonagall walked into class proved to me that there must be a merciful higher being. “Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, take your seats.” She ordered. Still looking as if they were holding the best secret in the world, they shuffled back to the table behind me and pulled out their parchment and quills.
I’ll never be entirely sure why I wasn’t sorted into Slytherin, because I have a very large capacity for fury and a healthy thirst for revenge. As McGonagall left to replenish the stones we were transfiguring, I sent a flurry of paper birds their way. They yelped and winced as the small, sharp beaks hit their heads. I turned back to my rock, satisfied, and continued on with my work.

The indescribable smell of old books and low lighting of the library put me into a sleepy, blissful trance. I let the feeling wash over me as I walked through the rows of books, running my finger along the spines. I spotted the title I was searching for and pulled it from the shelf, cradling it in the crook of my elbow and returning to Remus and my’s table. “Got it.” Remus took the book and gently peeled the aged pages apart, searching for a particular spell. “So what exactly is the plan?” I said, scanning the pages over his shoulder.
“I was originally thinking something along the lines of enchanted quills and parchment, but I think that could be remedied too quickly. Sirius and James are going to need a few days longer to study.” I nodded, laughing quietly at my best friends’ procrastination. “So instead, what about a small forest, contained to the that hallway. We’ll throw some tricks in there too. An oak that gives wrong directions, a small pool that you never reach, and a couple of bushes that insult anyone that passes.”
I laughed a bit too loud and received a sharp glance from Madame Pince. “That should keep them busy for a while.” Remus looked up to respond, but was distracted by something over my shoulder. “What?” I turned around to see what he was looking at and was met with the gaze of Lewis White. I quickly turned back around, my cheeks flushed. Remus watched me, laughing. “Remus! It’s not funny.” I hissed. He only laughed harder.
“That’s twice today. Just go talk to him.”
“No! He’s the one staring at me all the time, if he wants to talk to me he can stand up and come talk to me.”
Remus just smiled and glanced over my shoulder again. “Is he even studying?” He laughed.
“Shut up.” I said, throwing a quill at him. I couldn’t resist glancing behind me once more. Lewis’s head whipped down to stare at a book. Sighing, I turned back around and continued searching for the spell that would create witty bushes. My friends were mental.

“I just don’t know what to do, or say, or how to act.” I groaned later that night as I brushed out my hair, sitting with Lily on my four poster. “Is it really that tragic?” She asked, a smile playing on her lips. “A nice guy likes you. How is that bad?” “It’s just –– You don’t –– and I ––” I gave up searching for words and fell onto my pillow, letting out a muffled scream. “I’m just not sure I like him.” Lily rolled her eyes and smiled, “You don’t even know him!” I opened my mouth to protest, but Lily stopped me before I could start. “Herbology does not count! Just give the poor guy a chance.” “But what about –” I quickly stopped myself before I said his name out loud. I knew it was already too late, though, when I saw Lily’s eyes narrow. “Er, um, what about… what about the fact that he’s a Slytherin?” I filled in quickly. “That’s not what you were going to say.” “Yes it was.” “No it was’t.” “How do you know?” “I’m your best friend.” “But not a mind reader.” “Bethany,” She tilted her head and gave me a pleading look. “Don’t make me bring this up. Just say it.” I felt my cheeks turn red and I cursed my pale complexion. Weren’t brunettes supposed to be tan? I felt cheated, I was always blushing. “Say what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I said nonchalantly, hoping I was convincing. “Fine, if you won’t tell me. Remus. I’m talking about Remus.” By now I knew my face was completely colored. I said nothing. “Oh come on, Bethany. It’s obvious.” “No it’s not!” She gave me a look. “Really?” “Only to me because I know you so well.” “How long have you known?” “Since second year. You ditched me to be his partner in Potions.” She laughed quietly. “Bethany, it’s fifth year, why haven’t you said anything?” “Because I,” I paused. “Well he,” I stammered on. “He doesn’t think of me like that. And what about the Marauders? I don’t want to screw everything up. If I tell him, he’ll panic and won’t talk to me anymore. At least this way I can talk to him.” “Look, Bethany, I know this is hard to think about, but maybe you don’t really,” she paused, searching for the right phrasing. “Perhaps if you were to take a step back, you’d find that you really love having Remus as one of your best friends, and that you’ve held on to this for so long just because you liked the idea of it.” My eyes widened. “I don’t mean you never liked him!” She stammered, backpedaling, “but sometimes people hold onto fantasies for so long, they lose perspective. You’re not the same scared little girl you were when you came here. You’re strong and daring and smart, hell, you’re a marauder. You’ve changed, maybe it’s time to let go.” I flopped over onto my pillows, groaning. “I don’t know, Lily. He’s just, he’s always been there. And I’ve always liked him. And I don’t even know Lewis.” “Sleep on it at least, keep an open mind. If you don’t want to, don’t. But if you think about it and find you’re ready to move on, we can figure it out.” Lily stroked my hair for a minute before pulling my quilt over me and switching off the light. She was going to be the perfect mother one day. I heard her mattress creak as she crawled into bed and her breathing evened as she fell asleep. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling, thinking. Moving on… ––– I ran the brush through my dark hair once more and stared at a girl with lined eyes, smoothed hair, and confidence that looked back at me from the mirror. Sixteen years. I was sixteen years old and I had never been in a relationship. It was time to move on, wasn’t it? And yet, Remus’s face kept appearing in my mind’s eye. I shook the sentimental thoughts from my head and looked once more at the mirror. Giving myself a slight nod, I purposefully walked from my dormitory before I could change my mind. The boys were waiting on me for breakfast. I heard them causing generally destruction in the Common Room before I rounded the bend of the staircase. I entered the Common Room to find James and Peter messing with a first year and Remus and Sirius cheering them on. “Ready, guys?” I said briskly, wanting to get this over with so my nerves would subside. James and Peter let the levitating spellbooks drop to the floor and the other boys gathered their things. Sirius looked up from packing his bag and noticed my extra efforts. “Merlin’s Beard, Bethany! What the hell did you do to your face?” “And your hair?” Peter added, his eyes wide. I blushed and pulled my now wavy hair out of my face. “Nothing, I just got up early this morning and Lily messed with my hair.” The Marauders regarded me suspiciously. “Guys, it’s nothing! Now come on, I’m starving.” Shrugging, James, Sirius, and Peter followed me out the portrait hole, but it was a moment until Remus rejoined us, looking slightly ruffled.