Don’t apologise! You have nothing to be sorry for and it’s not a weird question.
I have been in this position for a year to two years now and I think it’s a stage that a lot of people trying to find themselves go through. It’s hard to find who you are, what you want to make, what you want your work to look like and what your purpose is and I can totally understand how frustrated you feel amongst all this confusion. It spins you around and around in circles and you end up getting nowhere and staying in same spot that you started in. I too am inspired by many people and in fact I asked my best friend yesterday to go through over 80 works from people who inspire me to decode what it is that I want to be making and what I’m attracted to. My inspirations also kind of clash…I love Miyazaki’s work / Studio Ghibli, but I also love Brett Helquist, Tim Burton, Fabien Mense, Carter Goodrich, Florent Sacre, and Tim Probert to name a few and they each have their differences. There are elements which I enjoy from each and am trying to take that away to produce my own work but at the same time I feel like the work just isn’t “me” so it’s discouraging. Especially because there are people who associate me with a particular style which I have pursued before and I feel that I have to uphold that. But..I know the work that I am making..or was making is over with and I want to pursue something new. In this pursuit it doesn’t hurt to try and copy the works of those who inspire you (mind you you should keep these as personal studies and don’t claim ownership or publicity for them, they’re other people’s works/property after all). I’ve seen a few illustrators/artists recommend this. It helps you uncover a little bit about yourself too and you may find that you simply cannot draw like someone else and that’s okay because you don’t want to be copying anyone, it’s just to help you find what you enjoy/don’t enjoy, like/don’t like in someone’s work. It may be as simple as the way someone uses colour, or uses linework, but it’ll be that one step closer into finding something to start working with. I too have fallen into the trap of wanting to bring myself into a single style way too fast and have neglected to experiment and free myself up to possibilities and enjoying the process without expecting some life-changing result that I will love. Whose to say that your style can’t be fluid and changing though? I see MANY illustrators whose work shifts between styles and I find that to be very interesting! It makes you appear more versatile and allows a sense of freedom too. Just make work that you want to make for now, don’t be too precious, don’t worry about the end result, just keep making work no matter what and eventually it’ll come to you. Don’t stop making work and acknowledge that it may take months or even years before you truly find yourself. You have to keep working on it but at the same time don’t push yourself. If you need a break take a break.