THIS IS MY ENTIRE LIFE

This Kid. 

And in that moment I knew that what came next was going to be the hardest and most trying few months of my life. But whoever sticks by my side for it are true friends that are about to witness the biggest change one could witness. As the person I’m about to become will be world’s better than who I am. And who I am is already galaxies away in being better than who I was.
—  I’ve never been more scared in my entire life

“My room had always been crazy. I’m going to college soon, but over 15 years of living here has made me eager to go. 

The first weird thing happened to my mom and I. I’ve had horrid nightmares my entire life, so I used to crawl into bed with my parents sometimes. This particular night, my mom said she was dreaming of the Beatles singing “Yesterday” when she was woken up by 4-year-old me shaking her. When she looks over I’m sitting up and smiling at her… then I said (according to my very non-superstitious mom) “I like that song too, mommy.” She was pretty spooked.

Also, up until I was about 13, I clearly remember once every two weeks or so clutching my mattress screaming and crying for my parents to come “make my bed stop spinning”. I wonder if I may have had migraines at a young age but it’s never happened to me since. The sensation would start with a slow throbbing of my hands and feet closest to the edge of my bed and spread inward until my head hurt very badly. I would always describe it to mom and dad that my bed was “on a plate, spinning around and around”. I’d not be unable to come get them myself because I was so dizzy I couldn’t get out of bed. It stopped when I was maybe 13.

I’d see shadows of “rats and raccoons” on the floor of my room all the time. I have these beautiful old dolls on my closet shelf facing me from my grandma and others, and they’re a little creepy to everyone but me. I’ve heard papers being shuffled and sorted along on my desk at night and wake up every hour every night, no matter what I take.

I’ve had the covers yanked off of my bed and my bed more frequently than anything else shakes. It’s slight at first but then gets more violent until the metal of my ladder rungs creak. 

I’ve heard claps above my head when I’m home alone and sleep with rosaries on and around my bed. 

I’ve heard garbled voices talking when I’m alone in my room and once when I was showering I heard the door clearly open and what sounded like my dog click its way across the tiles of the bottom floor. When I got out the door was closed and my dog was downstairs.

I’ve had other things occur but my mother has also felt some distinctly dark evil presence “moving from room to room” a couple times at night. I wake up because I’m so scared and sleep with a light on. I have dreams where I “wake up” to roll over and see a grotesque gargoyle-like face staring over the edge of my bed at me grinning while I try and pray the Our Father (but in the dream no noise comes out of my mouth). When I actually wake up, there’s the feeling that something had just *just* disappeared from sight right there and it’s the creepiest thing ever. 

I’m 18 and afraid of the dark, alongside really awful depression and anxiety. It’s crazy. But my room is a crazy place, and I am so ready to go.”

By: @enkryptonite

Journal #11: Limbo

Over and over. Again and again. For the umpteenth time, my eyes scan the words I’ve penned, almost as if I’m afraid that they’ve somehow changed in my process of writing them. My breath catches—I delete sentences at a time in a rush of violent shame. Then I write them back again. It requires no thought—I’ve read them so many times that they are etched in my memory.

Only the first paragraph is an apology. The rest is an admission. A statement of the truth.

Keep reading

I have never seen anything more attractive in my entire life, and I think I’ll be the one getting cardiac arrest today, holy crap. *sharp inhale*


Heh, 


“ ✨ Am I too handsome for you, my angels? ✨ ”


Apologies, but I cannot change my fate. Look into my eyes longer, perhaps you’ll someday grow immune to my spell.

anonymous asked:

hey, deadpool, I have a question; does the fact that I used to self harm make me weak? a douchebag friend of mine said that to me the other night and it's been bothering me. thanks love :)

Well that’s just the most ridiculous thing that I’ve ever heard in my entire fucked-up life, and let me tell you, anonnypoo, I’ve heard some freaky shit in my day.  No, it doesn’t make you weak.  You’re obviously one hell of a strong person if you can handle being around that sack of withered dick skin all the time. -DP

Originally posted by kinitha05

461) Looking back into my childhood, I’ve realized I actually had a lot of serious symptoms of bipolar my entire life, the only thing being my cycles slowed down more and more as I grew up. This just makes me extremely angry because I was literally suffering every day from my mental illness because I didn’t know what I was feeling was abnormal and it was just put off by everyone around me as “kid stuff”.  No, 12 year olds aren’t usually convinced their closet had a stalker inside. I needed help.

What she says: I’m fine
What she means: it’s 8am and I’ve already watched Mindful Education 6 times today and cried about every bad decision I’ve ever made and everyone I’ve ever potentially hurt in my entire life and also Estelle and AJ have such beautiful voices that I don’t remember how not to cry and the animation for the song and the entire episode was just stellar spot-on work and I can’t stop watching it and nothing will be okay ever again

anonymous asked:

"The military is a bunch of trigger-happy murderers!" "You stop right there. Show some respect. I left my home, my family, my friends, and my entire life of my own free will to serve the side I knew was in the right. Then what did I do next? I spent months getting insulted and humiliated by my instructors in order to prove myself worthy of risking my life for the purpose of defending the ungrateful people of this country from forces that want to kill them. That wasn't an easy thing to do."

^^^^^ My usual response is, “The 1960s called – they want their smelly hippy Soviet propaganda back.”

NEVER THE SAME {part 3; Hobi}

I could see everything happening. I had been running out the door, my entire life was a spectacle of me being late, but as I ran to the office, I noticed something out of the ordinary. There was this guy, lurking in the shadows, he had his head down and his hoodie up, it was a simple gesture, but enough to make me think ahead. I tried to act as normal as possible, but also keep a sense of where he was at all times. Then as I passed him, he left the shadows and began following me. Everything seemed to make sense. This wasn’t going to be a good morning for me. A culmination of actions put me in this spot. I admonished myself as I tried to keep my emotions in check. I should have gotten up earlier or left with Hobi. Then it all happened. The guy acting shady, him wielding a knife, the woman screaming, turning my head, then pain. I gripped my purse as I looked into his eyes. The man looked terrified. He didn’t mean to stab me, he was scared. I fell to the ground. 

I woke up from the same memory. I scolded myself for the nth time, when I heard voices. Hobi’s interrogation voice rang through the empty room. I asked when she would be released. Why is no one answering me? From the hesitation of the nurses, I could sense they were intimidated. Hobi had a certain fearful air when he wanted, but instead of letting the nurses piss themselves, I cleared my throat and groaned. His tone immediately changed as he came over to my side. Hey, how are you feeling? I opened my eyes to him being simply centimeters away. His gaze full of tenderness and I could see the nurses behind him visibly relax. 

I’m fine, just trying to get up. What are you doing here so early? I looked at the clock. 6am. Eh, I thought I would see how you were doing. Are you feeling alright, do you need help sitting up? He continued to ask questions as I hoisted my body up with my arms. Hey, bee, can you stop asking so many questions? I’m getting a headache. 

Hobi stopped and smiled. It had been a while since you used his childhood nickname. His fighting skills stung like a bee. He had asked you to stop calling him that when he got older, but for some reason, he felt a surge of emotion when he heard the simple nickname. Looking at you, he saw someone completely different than the little girl that used to hide behind her dad when she saw him. He saw someone who was strong and independent, someone he always wanted to protect. 

The hospital released you later on that day with some strict guidelines. Bed rest, bandage changing, low levels of stress. Ugh. Hobi looked over from the driver’s seat as you flipped through the stack of paperwork that the doctor had given you. What’s up, kiddo? … They don’t get that I’m a mob boss. I can’t just sit in bed all day and be completely relaxed. Hobi snickered. It was weird thinking of you as the boss, but you were and you were pissed that you couldn’t be sitting behind your desk. Well Jin said he’ll pick up a lot of the work, you got me and the rest of the guys to lean on, so just let us be there for you. … Thank god for you and Jin. … Why us two? … Could you really see me leaving the reigns to Jimin, Tae, and Kook? The entire club would fall apart in a matter of days. Hobi let out a hearty laugh as you giggled next to him. The two of you were able to speak candidly as if no years of distance had come between you, but Hobi saw a bit of hesitation in your eyes. 

I wanted to believe that me and Hobi would be great friends. That we would be able to move past all the years of not talking, of avoiding the obvious, but sometimes there will always be a barrier. I looked out the window as we sped down the highway. These moments would fly away, Hobi will go back to closing himself off, we can never be the same. 

ok i hope this isn’t like too personal but im rly excited bc th heaviest ive ever been in my entire life was 102 when I was 15 n i dropped all the way down to 92 this past year bc of stress making my eating problems worse but i tried rly rly hard 2 fight it in th last few months and i finally got back up to 102 today :’))))

3 years in the making

My boyfriend and I met while he was on tour with my friends company the summer of ‘13. He flew out to visit me shortly there after, he asked me at the time to be his girlfriend and I declined. We’ve continued our friendship since then and when ever he would come to town, we would go back to how things were, dates, holding hands, doing cute things together, As this past tour became closer, we became closer and closer to each other. After seeing each other over the summer, those feelings were sparked again and started an uncontrollable fire in both of us. We’ve been together for a few months now, and I’ve never been happier in my entire life. He’s in Texas and I’m in Maryland, we make it work. I fly out to finally meet his family in October and all of his friends. I’m so excited.