me: we literally have multiple forms of proof that Aaron doesn’t die, we’ve had it confirmed by spoiler sources, it also wouldn’t make any sense for him to die, we have literally been point blank told that he will survive
Genre: Unsurprisingly, smut (not in this part though). A lil bit of angst?and some fluff later on.
Summary: You and Jungkook broke up but you were trying to work on a friendship. Until Jungkook decided that friendship just wasn’t working anymore.
Word Count: 2k
The next part will have the smut in it…
The last four months have been the hardest of my entire life. Four months ago, Jungkook and I had a fight and our relationship ended. Just like that. One single fight was enough to put an end to a relationship that I thought would last forever.
No matter how hard I try to fight it, I can’t stop my brain from bringing up the memories of that night that I wish so badly I could forget.
He came over to my house after a long day of practice. He had slumped down on the couch as soon as he walked through the door. His phone was in his hand as he scrolled through various social media sites, paying no attention to me.
It started out as a simple “I want to spend more time together” conversation but it quickly escalated into something significantly more serious.
“I don’t know what you were expecting from a relationship with me,” he spoke without looking up from his phone after I said I wanted him to be around more.
I turned my body towards him on the couch, giving him my full attention even though he was not giving me the same courtesy, “I just feel like you choose to spend your small amount of free time with other people,” I kept my voice smooth and emotionless.
“My entire life can’t revolve around you, Y/N,” he said without sparing a glance.
I could feel the pressure building up in my chest and my hands beginning to clench as I suppressed the anger that was boiling up inside of me, “That’s not what I was saying,” the expressionless tone in my voice was fading.
“You know, you don’t try very hard to make time for me either,” he bit back at an attack I wasn’t aware I was putting out.
The aggressiveness in his voice caused my eyes to narrow into slits and the tension in my chest rose, “I have to go to school Jungkook. I need to get an education,” I spoke belligerently.
He then decided to put down his phone and look at me with raised eyebrows and an agape mouth, “And I need to perform, Y/N. And practice and practice, then perform again.”
Feeling like our conversation was getting off of the topic at hand I sighed, calming myself slightly, then said, “I feel like our relationship isn’t moving forward.”
“And that’s my fault?” he growled.
I rolled my eyes, “I did not say it was your fault,” I snapped.
“You didn’t need to say it, it was implied,” he hissed with a glare in his eyes and his arms crossed tightly over his chest, “I feel like you’re putting a lot of pressure on me to fix our relationship,”
“Because you’re not showing me that you want to fix it!” any collectiveness in my voice left as I raised my voice and my hands began to wave wildly through the air as if I thought that would get my point across more clearly.
Jungkook’s eyes widened when I blew up. He turned his body in my direction then proceeded to scoot farther away from me on the couch, “I feel like you’re attacking me. You’re backing me into a corner right now, I don’t know what it is you want to hear me say,” his words should have made it seem like he was backing down but his tone told me that he was baiting me.
If he wanted me to spoon feed him a solution, then spoon feed him I would, “I want you to say that you care about me and that you’re willing to work with me to fix our problems.”
“I can’t spend every second of my free time with you, Y/N,” he disregarded what I said.
“Well right now, you’re not spending any time with me,” I desperately tried to get my point across to him, though I could see him closing me off more and more as we dove deeper into this conversation.
“I have a life outside of you,” he said cooly. The aloofness of his voice cause the rage to surge in me as I bolted up from the couch and walked around to the back of it, creating a small barrier between us,” What does that mean? I’m not even involved in your life!” My voice became shrill and frantic.
I waited for him to respond but he said nothing.
“Say something, Jungkook,” I crossed my arms and put my weight on one leg.
He got up from the couch and stood a long distance across from me, “I don’t know what you want me to say!” now he was shouting.
“I already told you what I want you to say!” I screamed in anguish.
I felt a knot in my throat beginning to grow and tears threatened to spill from my eyes, “Jungkook, it you’re not willing to work with me on this, then why are we even in a relationship?” I asked the question defeatedly.
“I don’t know!” He barked, flinging his hands into the air then letting them fall to his sides with a thump.
His words hung in the air, thickening the silence between us, creating an unbearable weight on my chest.
He sighed and looked to the ground, tugging his hand through his hair, “I don’t know…” he said despairingly, his voice breaking as he spoke the last word.
The silence that followed was so loud, I wanted to cover my ears to drown it out. My heart tugged so hard, I feared it would break through the bones of my chest. He stood in front of me for several seconds too long then cleared his throat and shifted his weight on his feet.
And then he walked out, slamming the door behind him. That was the last time I saw him for three months.
After that night, I stopped hanging out with not only him, but every member of Bangtan, whom I had grown very close to since him and I started dating. I couldn’t bare the idea of running into him. Plus it felt weird, knowing how close his members were to him. So, I created distance between us, I blocked all of them out.
Two months ago I opened myself up to a friendship with the boys again and the ache in my heart began to subside.
It was Taehyung who first clawed his way through the way I had put up. Before Jungkook and my break up, I considered Taehyung to be one of my best friends and he felt the same way about me. He insisted that spending time with him and the other five members would make me feel better and, in all honesty, he was right, I did feel better. Things were awkward at first, unsubtly avoided talking about Jungkook or if they happened to say his name, they would all apologize profusely. But as the months went on, we fell back into our old routine of smoothie dates in the afternoon and barbecue dates in the evening and laughing together until tears streamed down our faces and our sides hurt.
One night a couple weeks ago, I was invited to come to dinner with the boys after they finished practice and was greeted by six smiling faces and one that was attempting to hide behind his hand. That was the first time I had seen Jungkook since our breakup. I smiled and greeted him, just as I would any other person, for the sake of being polite, then I sat down and attempted to enjoy an evening with six of my best friends.
After dinner, I stepped outside of the restaurant to get some air and found that Jungkook had the same idea. He stood leaning against the wall wearing his typical white shirt, black beanie, and loose light wash jeans, an outfit I had seen him wear numerous times before.
I ignored the pounding of my heart when our eyes met and walked over to him. I stood close to him so that I could make out his features which were illuminated by only a single street lamp several feet away. One corner of his mouth turned upwards slightly and I was amazed at how much the sad emptiness behind his eyes had changed the way his whole face looked.
The silence from the night we broke up returned in this moment and, in order to stop it, I blurted out the only thing I was feeling, “I hate this,” I told him while gesturing to nothing in particular, “I hate this silence and I hate this distance between us.”
He said nothing but watched me intently with eyes that seemed to be gleaming a little brighter than they had a second ago.
“Jungkook, I don’t want to block you out. I still want you in my life,” I confessed, “I know things didn’t work out with us and our relationship but do you think we could give friendship a try?” I asked hopefully.
His eyes scanned every feature on my face as his mouth gradually pulled up at the sides. He nodded once, “Yeah…yeah, I’d really like that.”
From there on out, Jungkook and I started hanging out again. We tried to do the same things I did with the other guys; the smoothie dates and barbecue and while, on the surface, I was smiling and laughing along with him, I still felt an intense yearning for something more. Despite that, I knew one thing was sure: having him in my life as a friend was so much better than not having him in my life at all.
Four days ago, the boys were told to take the weekend to relax since their schedule had been packed the last few weeks. Namjoon suggested that the boys should go on a weekend trip to their favorite town in Japan where they could really let off steam. They invited me as well as my roommate, who also happened to be Taehyung’s girlfriend, to go with them. The idea of taking a few days off of work and school to pamper myself sounded more than appealing so, off we went for a short trip to Japan.
I tried writing this as one part but it was sooo long so I’m splitting it into three parts. The second part will have the smut in it and it’ll be up really soon. Like… later tonight or tomorrow.
I know the story isn’t over yet but I’d still love feedback. Also requests are open so feel free to send those in too.
Me in early 2015:I can barely run down my street without getting winded. I can squat 40lbs and bench 30lbs. I don't even know what deadlifting is.
Me in late 2016:I ran a 5K in under 28 mins. I can squat 145lbs, bench 100lbs, and deadlift 168lbs. I'm planning on doing two to three more 5Ks and a 10K in 2017. I also plan on doing a powerlifting meet in 2017.
ive never been This shook in my entire life it hoenslty took Laverne Cox and Victoria justice lookin gay as fuck in a pool for Me to finally come aliv shake the depression off my system and get ready to face life,
Im sorry if this is too personal but i was just wondering, do you have much of a sex life? i suffer from chronic pain too (i have so my entire life) and i find it really difficult to have sex or enjoy sexual activities in any way. i find it really depressing, and i think my boyfriend struggles with it too although he is always so supportive. Is your experience similar? or do you have any suggestions? Also thanks so much for talking about your pain, its so great to feel like youre not alone
I have chronic pain, a low sex drive, medication that makes it difficult for me to climax and a boyfriend with a high sex drive. I feel ya.
Obviously mutual respect and understanding is deeply important in all relationships and especially in situations like this.
I can find the situation very depressing and I also have a partner who is very supportive. I think it’s helpful to know that, while he may be a little disappointed, a supportive partner would be more upset if you were to participate when you didn’t want to.
We talk about sex a lot, which is something I’m unused to, I always had too much baggage to talk about sex. But it’s become very important that we understand each other and what our wants and capabilities are.
Just because you may not be able to have intercourse doesn’t mean you can’t be a part of his pleasure, even if your participation is physically limited. By that, to specifically try not to mince words and to be clear, I mean talking and light touching while he pleasures himself.
Sometimes I am in too much pain to be very physical, or I’m just SO tired that I can’t manage much. But I can usually muster the energy to talk about what I find attractive about my partner and to offer him a verbal encouragement and arousal while he does his thing.
For every couple it will be different and yes, sometimes I am just in too much pain, but then I often make the denial of sex part of a longer foreplay, in a “not tonight, you’ll have to wait for what you want” kind of way.
As I said, it’s different for all, but I cannot recommend enough trying to talk about it. It’s tough at first, or it was for me, but being comfortable talking openly about sex is so useful.
My favourite place in the world 🌏
Yesterday was the best day! Me, @bonnyrebecca and @emmamayes had acai for breakfast and then drove down to Byron for the day. I FINALLY met Tanya from @inthesoulshine and she is the sweetest, most lovely person I have ever met in my entire life 🙌🏽 and if you don’t already own 65,738 of her shirts like I do then you’re living life wrong 🙅🏼 then for dinner we hung with @jamesaspey in his van while he made us tofu & avo sushi and spoke about the deepest life shit you can think of. Literally got into bed at 1am feeling so happy and inspired by these two incredible vegan humans… I just feel so lucky to have spent time talking with them both.
Ps. If you haven’t already it’s time for you to download Lips of an Angel by @hindermusic ❤️ LOL (at Byron Bay)
apparently there’s a law now in California that says if a teacher mispronounces a student even once, even when the teacher is reading the name for the first time in his or her entire life, then that teacher can get into serious trouble because it’s racist and the kid will have severe anxiety and feel less than. I’m white, and my name has been mispronounced my entire life…?? now IDK if I want to go back to teaching haha.
… the obsession the american school system has with *creating anxiety in students* by putting them in situations that aren’t ideal but are also completely harmless ie this one will forever be a mystery to me. (I mean I had to study some american scholars who say that you shouldn’t correct mistakes because it makes the students anxious and… how… do you learn… otherwise….???)
gonna talk a bit about mental health and past abuse a bit under the cut, because things have popped up a lot recently that have made me kind of think about it…? and I kind of want somewhere to put my thoughts