Musicals as types of people in school
  • Phantom of the opera: The emo kid with short hair that's always in every singe musical the school puts on
  • Cats: The kid that knows that everybody hates them but they still fight to pursue their dreams/the kid that nobody knows is an acrobat
  • Sweeney Todd: The goth kid who hisses as people in the hallways and only hangs out with like two other people and keeps a diary
  • Heathers: The really popular and preppy girl who's secretly really sad about everything
  • Spring awakening: The kid who makes waaay to many sexual jokes and lost their virginity before everyone else
  • A chorus line: The kid who's never available to do anything because they're at rehearsal
  • Wicked: That one kid that was always ignored in school but grew up to be extremely famous
  • Into the woods: the kid with an unnaturally morbid sense of humor
  • Les Misérables: The kid who's way to into politics and starts fights just about every day
Best Out-of-Context Lines From Musicals

- “Sit down John, you fat motherfucker!”

- “Screw the middle classes, I will never accept them!”

- “Consider yourself part of the furniture.”

- “Now shut your face.”

- “Henry can’t really stay; he’s got rabies.”

- “I love you even though it does not matter that I still don’t know your name.”

- “The internet is not for porn!”

- “Miss America should just resign!”

- “No one keeps a cow for a friend!”

- “Lot 666 then.”

- “Nothing can bend the will like half-Castilian men!”

- “Sometimes my father appeared to enjoy having children.”

Some Musicals as Clickbait Titles
  • Hamilton: He didn't throw away his shot- until he did!
  • Phantom: "The strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera, a mystery never fully explained."
  • Assassins: The strangest JFK assassination conspiracy yet!
  • The Drowsy Chaperone: This man listened to musicals so much that he hallucinated he was in one!
  • Heathers: This Teen Murdered Three of Her Classmates- Find Out What Went Wrong!
  • Les Mis: We heard this story about an obscure French rebellion- and we are LITERALLY SOBBING :'(
  • Into the Woods: You'll never look at fairy-tales the same way again!
  • The Sound of Music: New evidence has uncovered what upper-class Austrians did in light of Anschluss, and you'll never guess what it was!
  • Sweeney Todd: "Demon Barber": One Man's Journey of Revenge, Murder, and a Meat Grinder.
  • Waitress: You go, girl! This woman's journey is the most inspirational thing you'll see all year.
The gist of Sweeney Todd
  • Mrs Lovett: Mrs Mooney puts her neighbour's cats into her pies
  • Mrs Lovett: wouldn't do in my shop
  • Mrs Lovett: just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
  • Also Mrs Lovett: we could put people in the pies though that's fine

Have you ever thought about how weird the plots to musicals are? For example:

-Singing and dancing about an ex-con and bad revolutionaries who all die

-Singing and dancing about teenagers who commit homicide

-Singing and dancing about broke people dying of AIDS

-Singing and dancing about disfigured opera singers

-Singing and dancing about the early American government (and certain treasurer) 

-Singing and dancing about HUMAN MEAT PIES.

There’s some weird shit, y’all…

Explaining Broadway to my Friend
  • Friend: So Lin has a wife?
  • Me: yeah
  • Friend: And she let him kiss her (Phillipa Soo)
  • Me: yeah? I mean... it's a play?
  • -
  • Friend: WAIT HES NOT IN THE MUSICAL ANYMORE? (Lin Manuel Miranda)
  • Me: yeah he left
  • Friend: HOWS THE SHOW STILL ON
  • Me: what do you mean? They get some people in his place
  • Friend: Why? How? They don't just replace the cast!
  • Me: ...?
  • -
  • Friend: okay let me get this straight, none of these people (original cast of hamilton) are in the show anymore?
  • Me: yeah original cast is gone
  • Friend: I don't think I want to see Hamilton anymore
  • Me: I swear, if you have the chance to see Hamilton and you choose not o because of the cast I will actually slap you
  • Friend: But it's NOT the original cast so it's not worth seeing!
  • Me: /$:&;!&:/'/$:&&/:$-&&;