With the new year lurking just around the corner like a vampire awaiting their invitation to enter, we wish to remind you that every night – every moment – is the perfect time to:
Choose evil. You needn’t be rude or cruel (we advocate against both). You don’t need a tragic back story. You will start noticing your wardrobe selections improving. You might even start seeing ghosts and phantoms, wonderful omens, and all manner of doomery! You’ll start shifting words such as “doom” into “doomery”!
Say hello to the moon.
Write more notes and letters. As complex as “Here is my theories on STAR MOVIE that I just saw” or as simple as “I am thinking of you at 1:59 AM on an idle Wednesday morning.”
Drink more water. Consider it mermaid training.
Check on your potions. Let them simmer too long and they’ll become sentient. And they do not wash the cauldrons when they get up, steal half of your gear, and make off to foreign lands I haven’t forgiven you yet Slorp the Purple Levitation Potion I know you read this blog and I will find you yet.
Have you considered the possibility that your best friend, neighbor, room mate, sibling or dear old parents might slip suddenly towards the macabre? Try your hand at the whimsical practice of super-villain phrenology; it’s our best testing method aside from testing their blood for phlogiston…
You will need access to a printing mechanism, shears, some adhesive paste and 5 uninterrupted minutes. I wish you the best of luck.
Fernando Lopez is an athletic man with no superhuman powers. He is an expert with bladed weapons and the throwing of such weapons. He has extensive knowledge of guerrilla warfare tactics.
Machete wore a bulletproof Kevlar flak jacket with a variety of pockets and pouches for carrying various weapons, particularly throwing-knives. He wore custom-made combat boots with additional weapons pouches; the remainder of his costume consisted of conventional military surplus items. Machete carried a variety of specially manufactured weighted steel throwing knives, two three-foot machetes, and other items as necessary.
Additionally, his costume’s gloves were equipped with strong electromagnets to help him retrieve his weapons in case he was disarmed. (X)
1st appearance Captain America #302 (1985)
Edit: This is not actually the same character from the
Machete movies but he sure is Danny Trejo for me.