The Priest squeaked as she inspected the blood test results, smiling brightly at me. I could hear Anotella grumble something under her breath while I turn to stone. To be honest, I don’t know how I didn’t pass out right then and there. I’m still so young, I don’t know how to care for a child.. hell I don’t even know what a mother does. I never had one. The only thing keeping me from breaking down was Anotella, not because she was attempting to help but because of the constant side comments she made. It brought me back to earth, I have a living thing in my stomach.
This is a moment that is meant to bring happiness, but it brought fear.
So much fear. I don’t have a job and Thrasyl? He uses all his money on booze and drugs. He acts like a child though I can also say the same for myself. After all I’ve done to my body can the baby even last? All these questions ran to my head as I sat on the bed in the Hospice, staring up at the Priest who just changed my life forever. She tried comforting me, reminding me that everything would be okay. She even gave me a pregnancy book that oddly enough comforted me more.
Every step I took to get home was horrifying.
I know I’m not ready for a child so how the fuck could he be? I stepped into the house to discover he wasn’t home yet, thanking the gods for allowing me to try to put my sanity back together. I believe I sat in front of the fire place for an hour before I heard the door open and footsteps lead towards me. I felt my heart drop, “You alright?” I couldn’t even look at him but the minute he saw my tears and trembling, he didn’t give me much of a choice. He grasped onto me instantly, holding me.
“What?! What happened?!”
I tried to hide it, maybe I didn’t have to tell him and just kill it. He’d never find out…”Come on Mo, talk to me please..” He sounded so scared, worried. I couldn’t hold it back anymore, it just caused me more pain. “I’m pregnant.” I finally croaked out while covering my face in shame. “Oh.. okay.” That’s it. That was the last thing I heard because, well, he passed out. Right on my lap. To be honest I was more hurt than furious, so I moved him off my lap and headed upstairs to bury myself in the sheets. I was positive he wouldn’t come up, but he did.
“I’m not going anywhere, just so you know.”
Yeah, right. I felt his arms lock around me and his face burying itself in my hair, but I still couldn’t help but feel scared. “I don’t know that..” I managed to croak out causing him to hold me tighter, reassuring he wasn’t going anywhere. “I’ll prove to you that I won’t leave, someday soon.. but for now we should get some rest, we have quite the bit of months ahead of us to figure out what to do.” That was all I had to hear for all the fear, pain and regret to just fade away. Thrasyl wasn’t leaving me, and that was all I needed to know to not give up.
I can’t give up on my family.