I went on a date last night and it was fun but I don’t think there will be a second. We ate hotdogs and drank $2 PBR’s and that made me happy. You can ask the bartender, he will vouch for me because I never shut up about how cheap it was. You have one dollar bills and pennies and that’s silly. It cost me $60 Canadian to buy $43 American dollars. I’m sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. I’ve lost 25 pounds since November. I took my first calls yesterday from angry customers looking for money that for the most part, they won’t receive. I laughed with some of them and got yelled at by others and hung up on by one. Beachy sent me a book about running and knowing she loves and is thinking about me makes my heart squeezy. I am going to go to the gym tonight and maybe do a C25K run. I did intervals on Sunday night and it was awesome and made me feel strong and healthy and I need more of that, so much of that.
Also, She sent me my mail from Halifax and in it she included a very short hand-written note that maybe was intended to be kind or charming or something but made me feel like I got punched in the stomach and I have been thinking about it for three days.
I feel unwell. I need to try harder to be a person. I need a cry-in-bed day. I need my humans next to me touching my skin and playing with my hair and being jerks but in a way that I know means they love me and want the pieces of my heart back together.