Summer-Trips

Tldr: have to re-evaluate a friendship, need to speak up for myself when people are behaving inappropriately

As I said, I had a really excellent visit with my family and several friends and there was minimal weirdness overall. The one exception that stands out was going to my favorite karaoke night for a few hours with a friend that I have known for a good while– I think we met when I was 20 or 21, we worked together at a bookstore and used to lift together at UH, and I have stayed in touch with him for the past 6-ish years. I have enjoyed talking to him and feel like we have interesting discussions, but I think of him as being a little… weird about stuff. I didn’t see him the last two times I came to town because of it, but he had gotten back in touch with me and I decided to make plans with him this time.

When we made plans, I told him it wasn’t going to be a late night for me. Karaoke starts at 9. We met at 8 so we could chat a little bit before, which was fine. 

Around 8:45 he went to get another beer and when I said I didn’t want another round there were comments/”jokes” about that (like bringing me vodka instead of water). In hindsight, I think this alone may be lame enough for me to have finished the evening and then re-evaluated future hangouts with this person.

Around an hour later, I mentioned that it was so busy I didn’t think I’d get to do two songs, and from that point on the only topic of conversation was my decision to leave around 10 and him trying to change that. 

I started to get annoyed– not that I had the cojones to do anything but try to be nice, which pisses me off— around 10:15, we were on the back porch and he was finishing his last beer. I had said that if he hurried up I could drop him off at his apartment, and he said “Well I’m going to drink this beer slowly,” and proceeded to drink it visibly not hurrying up. When it looked like his beer was empty, I stood up and there was a brief exchange about whether or not the beer was actually empty yet

When we got to his apartment, which was luckily very close by, he asked/suggested twice that I come inside very briefly to see his new place and say hi to the cats. Then he said “Well you gotta get out of the car to hug me goodbye then”, which I thought was reasonable, but when I did he started to move backwards, still holding on to me in a hug, as if to drag me towards his apartment. 

This is so fucking weird as I put it in writing (and I realized that when I recounted it to Dude after he picked me up at the airport yesterday). At the time I was just weirded out, I was sleepy and I wanted to get out of there and I have some deep drive to just be nice no matter what jackass thing people do, so like a fucking chickenshit, I just laughed and gave him another normal hug and exchanged what were finally the final goodbyes. 

So in the end, I spent nearly as much time actually talking to him and enjoying my favorite karaoke night as I did fielding “jokes” and general inappropriateness about  my choices not to drink or leave when I had fucking said I would. And I took time away from my family and other friends for that, and didn’t even use it as an opportunity to sack up and tell someone they were acting like a fucking weirdo and disrespecting me. It makes me a little sad but I think that’s >3 different good reasons not to see this person in the future. 

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