Substantial Goods


It’s been 10 years since we first started taking the Hobbits to Isengard. I mean, it’s been way longer - the Hobbits could have fucking walked there, back again, managed to get served several times at the downstairs bar in Doggett’s and got a Southeastern train service all the way to Charing Cross since Tolkien put pen to page. But (and believe me, this is deeply unusual for me) let’s put J R R aside in this.

Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy is kind of… well, both too faithful (total lack of critical interrogation of Tolkien’s absolutely awful concepts around race, gender, etc.) and not faithful enough in that it appeared to miss all the points your correspondent’s teenage self managed to find in the series. Specifically, where Lord of the Rings is an obsessively detailed but ultimately quite modest and traumatised epic, a huge amount of which is two small, starving creatures crawling around in mud having moral dilemmas. The Jackson films take themselves as seriously and grandly as the books came to be and as I suspect their author probably never did.

Taking the Hobbits to Isengard, on the other hand, is a pure and perfect work and I will hear no ill spoken of it else ye never receive a pint in a round bought by me again. 

It takes as its base the Hovis-theme-ripping-off music from The Shire - the small-worlded part of the films, before any grandeur is truly injected into the bloated beastie that is the trilogy. The Hobbiton theme is supposed to be homely, reassuring, quaint - like anything that succeeds at that, it sounds fucking amazing played on an airhorn.

The simplicity of the Shire’s theme is what allows it to so naturally accept the kitchen-sink style auditory ornamentation that is ‘a donk’. A classic staple of rave, it needs no introduction even in a world as apparently dislocated from two WKDs and a honk on some poppers as the miruvor-quaffing pipeweed fiends we see here.

As a lyrical piece, Taking The Hobbits is discursive - like many of the very best pieces of pop. One only has to consider the sweet, sweet tension of Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain or Brandy and Monica’s iconic The Boy Is Mine to recognise that dialogous pop is, when it works, a particularly sublime genre.

It doesn’t matter that the lines are, ostensibly, orphaned from their original place in the script - from the eponymous ejaculation to Gollum’s hissed What did u say??? they’re all perfectly addressing each other in the sort of gloriously confused cacophony usually reserved for a misunderstanding-based brawl outside a kebab shop at 3am. 

I remember the first time I heard Taking The Hobbits To Isengard. It was quite a momentous occasion because I still had dial up, so it took roughly the length of a decent pop song to load and it was very difficult to tell if it was deliberate or a bandwidth-related glitch remix for at least 30 torturously disrupted seconds. I’d imagined it would be a fairly quick joke - most internet video based things were, at the time, but no; a fully fledged song. That just kept going. 

The initial air horns! These are funny, yes because we remember them as the Shire theme, which isn’t even the music for this bit. The stuttering sample of the original line! Which sustains itself as Sheffield Dave-style shout out far better than it should, given it’s old seriousface Elf ears himself yelling off a horse. 

(In retrospect, should have equated that with Sheffield Dave earlier)

Then there’s …polka bit. Few pop songs manage to maintain a polka interlude - Bohemian Rhapsody springs to mind but Taking the Hobbits To Isengard manages to repeatedly insert it without losing coherency around its original rave premise. If you don’t think ‘Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him’ delivered over a little eurodance handbag bit is not both extremely funny and excellent pop, I can’t help you. 

Taking The Hobbits To Isengard would score reasonably at Eurovision. Not because Eurovision is actually the home of comedy trash but because if France (and it would probably have to be France in order for the Elven analogues to take themselves seriously enough) scooted in on an artpop platform and wanged loads of fucking airhorns round the stadium it would be entirely in keeping with European sensibilities of solemnly considering the totally whimsical due to our inherent reservedness about experiencing joy.

(The slightly older and wiser part of me has to question the repeated use of Gollum’s ‘stupid, fat, Hobbits’ which makes sense in the context of what he is but isn’t inherently funny, unlike a context-dislocated, bass-intoned ‘A Balrog of Morgoth’)

The great thing about Taking The Hobbits To Isengard is it actually gets funnier the more it goes on. Like Star Trekkin it not only sets out to commit to a fairly one-note premise but to hammer that note until it falls out through the piano and becomes a transcendent free agent, cascading through the strings. 

It takes a premise; that the Lord of the Rings films, in their overblown format, are very, very silly and runs with it extremely, deadly seriously. This is the core of not all but a fairly substantial chunk of really good pop, as well as an excellent manual for life. All things are here - a manic sense of imminent implosion, troubling past associated with racist ideologies, handcarts, hell, what did u say???

Very seriously; Taking The Hobbits To Isengard is a superb piece of fan work and it has substantially enriched my life to listen to it on loop for the past 45 minutes whilst watching a parliamentary debate on mute. Creators of this piece: thank.

Writing is a skill that many people struggle with, and when it comes to academic essays, many people are so anxious about writing that they don’t even know where to start. Many find it easier to begin when they have a clear idea of what they should and should not be doing, so I’ve compiled some tips to hopefully alleviate your essay-induced anxieties.

1. Hooks—you don’t need one. In fact, I would argue that you shouldn’t have one. They’re a juvenile method of starting a paper and, in many cases, they involve broad generalizations that aren’t even true. “Since the beginning of literature, people have been interested in how evil characters are portrayed in novels.” Have they, really? When exactly is the so-called “beginning” of literature? What is your proof that a largely illiterate society cared about the way in which characters were depicted when people like Defoe and Behn were penning some of the first English-language novels? One could argue that most people now don’t even care about how characters are depicted in novels. Get my point? It’s juvenile, sounds lazy, and you can skip all of this by just getting to the damn point by opting to begin your essay rather than constructing a flowery hook.

2. Your thesis. In most cases, your thesis should make an argument of your own, and it should be an argument that you can prove with evidence. You could have a spectacular sounding thesis that is saturated with sophisticated claims and language, but it doesn’t matter how good your thesis sounds if you don’t have textual evidence to back it up. Further, you need to make sure that your thesis answers the question the prompt is asking—if the prompt asks you to use Rousseau’s Discourse on Inequality to access the actions of Frankenstein’s creature, you better make sure that you directly and clearly relate those two texts in your thesis statement. When constructing your thesis statement, make sure that you are addressing the prompt fully, and ensure that you have adequate evidence to back up your claims. You don’t want to get too far into an essay only to realize that you don’t have enough evidence for your argument.

3. Creating a voice in your writing. Have a strong, confident voice. Sound sure of yourself. Don’t say things such as, “This might prove why this character does this.” Make a confident argument—explain in a clear and confident manner the way in which your evidence supports your thesis argument. This is easy to do once you learn how to integrate appropriate quotes into your essays.

4. Using quotes. Quotes are necessary for most forms of essay writing; without them, your argument is weak. Provide context when introducing a quote—don’t simply throw a quote at your reader with no context or explanation. Use shorter quotes when possible, and integrate them into your sentences. Try not to let a quote stand alone as its own sentence. Here’s an example of successfully integrating appropriate quotes into your writing:

“However, Caliban openly attempted to rape Miranda, and when Prospero mentions this, Caliban enthusiastically states that if Prospero hadn’t stopped him, he would have “peopled else this isle with Calibans” (1.2.420-421). Prior to this attempted rape, Prospero and Caliban apparently shared a reciprocal relationship, wherein Prospero taught Caliban English and, in return, Caliban “showed [him] all the qualities o’ th’ isle” (1.2.403).

As you can see above, quotes are used to provide succinct evidence for what you’re talking about. They show that you have read and possess a clear understanding of the text, and they provide textual evidence that strengthens your argument.

5. The structure of your essay. Your essay does not need to be a cookie-cutter five paragraph monstrosity that has been drilled into your brain since 8th grade; you can switch it up as you see necessary. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to have paragraphs of varying lengths, multiple paragraphs discussing the same argument, or even to bring up previously stated topics and arguments in order to further explore what you’re talking about. Don’t feel obligated to constrain yourself to formulaic writing when frankly, it often isn’t the best way to write a paper. Make your argument in the most natural way possible, and if that required seven body paragraphs, then so be it. 

6. Editing your essays. I advise reading your essay out loud when editing. In your initial read-through, check for grammatical mistakes and typos. These mistakes will be obvious if you read your paper aloud. After ensuring that your paper is free from technical errors, reread it again to check how one idea transitions to the next. Does your essay have clear and natural transitions from topic to topic, or are there abrupt shifts that need to be worked out? Finally, make sure your paper adequately proves the overall argument you’re attempting to make. Is your argument the driving force in your paper, or do you make unnecessary digressions? These are all important things to consider before turning in your final essay. 

Remember, writing essays is something that, with practice, can become quite easy. Don’t treat writing an essay as some kind of foreign, impossible task; all writing an essay really involves is making an argument and attempting to prove your argument with evidence. If you can do this, then writing becomes substantially easier. Good luck!

when i don’t open a document for five months, i tend to find fun surprises like these. this is how i outline stories lol (this looks so bad on mobile i’m so sorry, tumblr why)

Why I love Karamatsu

- So dramatic and over the top, just like I can be
- Tries hard to be cool but is actually a massive dork
- Really optimistic, even if it’s kind of a result of being more air headed
- Blue themed!!
- His situation makes it so that you can get a substantial amount of good angst from him, but his optimism and love for his brothers makes for just as much happy and fluff, and honestly that’s a really good balance to have
- He likes making music!
- He enjoys acting!!!
- Loves his brothers so much, too good
- Punched Oso that one time and it made me die a little inside (in a good way)
- Despite seeming really narcissistic because of his attempts to be cool, is actually very kind and selfless
- Wears whatever he wants despite what anyone else says, cause he doesn’t care and he likes what he wears and it makes me happy, and honestly I wish I could be like that
- Is still just as much of a little shit as his brothers, it’s great
- Pretty eyes, I’m really weak for that

some thoughts on steven's perspective

(this was initially a bunch of asks, but they were too many):

oh you brought up something interesting in that frybo post: the corruption plot is something i’ve been interested in since monster buddies, and i like what you mentioned about steven approaching centipeetle with this narrow perspective that’s later allowed to grow. because looking back, it didn’t feel toootally right that centi had to take the initiative to shapeshift before steven saw her as anything but a monster, but that initiative is more important than the shape-shifting.

Keep reading

their story ended years ago
with a period
but it seems that
she hasn’t moved on yet

she still loves him so bad
after years of splitting up
so she sacrificed her own good
to substantiate her feelings

she cut herself and bled
because she believed
that their story will continue
and will have a happy every after

she used the blood
that came out from her skin
to add a comma under that period
which resulted to a semicolon mark—
which means that it doesn’t stop there,
because another idea will keep up
and that idea is them getting back together.

—  it isn’t over yet // r.b

all this tiara talk makes me laugh.. the BRF ain’t changing their tunes, not while HM is in charge.. so the dreams of Meghan in the Fringe are probably not going to happen.. ditto with any of HM’s “tiaras”.. heck I want to say the same for all the ones Kate has worn, but maybe the Cartier.

if I was choosing a tiara for her, I’d choose this mystery Meander one worn by Anne a few years ago.. a good substantial tiara for a “senior” royal, but not one of the big guns usually worn by future queens

Probabbly gonna do Bora’s info next… ;v; Feel free to ask questions about or for Jung as I want to start drawing more!

More info under cut.


Jung-Hwan Seonwoo (Hangul: 선우 정환)


Jung, Mr.Seonwoo (Work only; He becomes offended if it’s used outside his teaching job.)

Online Username:



Cis Male




6’5” | 198 cm


210 lbs | 95 kg

Birth Date:

February 21st

Zodiac Sign:



Language Teacher (High School)
Translator (Mainly books and most of his income)

Keep reading

i finally remembered the check my photo gallery on watch dogs 2 and honestly it’s fucking performance art of a man who has never taken a selfie in his life trying to take a fucking selfie

in over half the photos he’s blinking or i caught a weird moment in the character animation and i used the same pose about 500 times one is just zoomed in and awkwardly cropped sometimes he’s just deadeyed and it looks like a fucking bad candid but it’s a selfie so like, you know, it’s not

i should take some better selfies for marcus

Kakashi, the voice was familiar though he’d never heard it quite like that and it came with an odd feeling like someone shaking his shoulder but less…substantial. Good, you’re awake.

He tried to speak and failed, but the thought remained, what? Where am I?

You’re projecting, a significantly less familiar voice sounded and it suddenly occurred that neither voices were something he’d heard but more felt and thought though he didn’t think them.

What do you remember, the first voice prompted and Kakashi’s mind went back over the last thing he could remember.

I graduated yesterday. He recalled, This morning I passed my jōnin-sensei’s test and was sent to Konoha Hospital to be introduced to the Tree, Then because he suddenly knew who the voice’s owner was, added, Tōsan.

Very good, ‘Kashi . His father told him and he couldn’t help the reflexive warm rush of pleasure at the complement any more then he could keep himself from flushing and attempt to withdraw when it made his father laugh. No, his father told him, firm and gentle at once and not letting him retreat.  I was not mocking you, see?

A foreign surge of emotions hit him - shock that swiftly morphed into a harmony of joy, pleasure and completely unrestrained love - that had him breathless. Oh.

Oh. Sakumo agreed, letting Kakashi feel the fond exasperation over his misunderstanding his father experienced before retreating to a polite distance sending another pulse of love when he couldn’t quite smother the urge to latch on and keep his father from leaving him. Oh. Sakumo repeated, though this time it was significantly quieter, sadder.

Turn Down the Heat - 21 (Leonard Snart Reader)

Part One Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five  Part Six  Part Seven Part Eight  Part Nine Part Ten  Part Eleven Part Twelve  Part Thirteen Part Fourteen  Part Fifteen  Part Sixteen  Part Seventeen Part Eighteen  Part Nineteen  Part Twenty

Originally posted by coldsflash

One week and no answers, but you were still here. Then things got exciting. Distress signals that lead to the moment of now being in a space battle, “Gideon report!”

“We have a haul breach.” She rattled off the deck area as you cursed turning to go fix it.

“Stay…put.” Len looked down at you, “Sara and I can handle it. You need to try and not get stressed.”

It was one of the theories that the more stressed you got the more you ‘jumped’, “Len are you serious? We’re in a fire fight!”

“Just stay…we got it.” He pointed at you taking off with Sara.

You rolled your eyes looking back to Ray, “Please tell me you got this.”

“Oh I got this…I think.” He muttered the last part.

“Dammit…” You held onto the center console looking at the damage reports, “Rip is going to get us killed…”

Kendra looked at you concerned, “Are you serious?”

“I hope not.” You looked at her before starting out of the bridge, “I really hope not…Gideon…status on the breach.”

“What Mr. Snart is doing is working, but it will not be a permanent fix.”

“Will it buy us the time we need?” You started to run.

“Calculations indicated a substantial amount of time.”

“Good.” You could see the room where the breach was at ahead of you. The light of the cold gun reflected off the walls. You sighed knowing you were going to get an ear full from Len when he saw you.

Then the door shut.

“No…” You rushed forward slamming your hands on the door, “No no! Gideon open the door.”

“There is a still a breach…safety measures won’t allow me to do so.”

“Len…” You looked inside as his face appeared in the window, “I’m going to get you out.”

“Y/N…” He looked at you, “You can’t worry about me…you have to relax.”

“Shut up!” You hit the door shaking your head, “I’m tired of losing you…I’m not…”

“Hey…” Looked at him through the window, “You’re not going to lose me. I’m too stubborn for that.”

“He’s right.” Sara smirked a little, “He’s an asshole. He doesn’t just disappear from people’s lives.”

Len glanced back at the assassin, “Gee…thanks.”

“I can’t get the door open.” You told him when he looked back at you, “The breach needs to be fixed.”

You watched him visibly shiver, “I know you and the others will figure it out.”

You stared up at him nodding, “I’m gonna get you out of there.”

He leaned his head against the window watching you run down the hall, “It’s going get a lot colder in here.”

“Don’t worry Snart.” Sara smirked at him, “I’ll keep you warm.”

Once the ship was at a safe distance you helped Ray with his suit. It wasn’t made for space, but it would do in a pinch, “You’re not going to have a lot of time.”

“I know. I’ll work efficiently.” He smiled at you glancing at Kendra, “Can you give us a minute?”

You smiled and nodded, “Please hurry back.”

You walked down the hall quickly to the bridge. This was all going to hell. All you could do was wait now. You weren’t good at that game, “Gideon…anything from the other ship?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Has Ray launched?” You put your hands on a chair and leaned forward.

“Yes…he’s approaching the breach now.”

“Good…good.” You moved around the chair and sat down. You shut your eyes as Kendra walked in. You listened to her talk to Ray keeping him motivated. You tried to go back down to talk to Len and Sara, but Len shooed you away.

You knew what he was doing…if he died…he didn’t want you to be there for it.

Your eyes snapped open when you heard Kendra calling to Ray getting no answer back. You were on her heels running toward the loading Bay. You stopped in the doorway watching her shake Ray’s body. It was awful to watch.

You felt his hands on your arms first as Rays gasped back to life. You turned into burying your face into Len’s chest. He was freezing, “Len…”

“We’re fine.” He whispered looking over at Kendra and Ray, “You kids need a moment?”

You smiled glancing at Sara walking into the room. A quick once over and the small victory was pushed aside. There was work to do.

“I’ve just received a message from the shuttle. It seems Mr. Rory as escaped capture and is on his way back to the Waverider now.”

Len smirked looking over at Sara, “Told you. Those pirates picked the wrong guy to mess with.”

As they walked down the hall everyone started asking questions. Valid questions. Questions that started to get you thinking, “Len…”

He looked at you and frowned, “I know…but I trust him.”

You nodded slowly as everyone stopped when Gideon announced that Mick was boarding now. You could feel the tension ripple over everyone as Mick entered the ship alone.

Len took a step forward toward his beaten friend, “You okay Mick?”

Mick stared at them all for a moment before turning his head slightly, “Boys! The ships all yours.”

Your stomached flipped as armed men boarded the Waverider. Len stared at him taking a protective stance in front of you, “What are you doing Mick?”

“Getting us home.” He responded roughly, “Are you in?”

“Len…” You whispered as he took a few steps forward pulling out his cold gun

“Yeah…” He glanced back at you “Time to choose a side, I guess”

His head swiveled back to Mick as he smirked raising the gun, “Chosen.”

“Bastard!” Mick shouted as everyone scrambled out of the way of his heat blast, “I’ll get the time drive!”

You managed to catch that and looked at Len, “I have to get to the engine room.”

“Y/N…you need to get some place-”

“Len…if he rips out the drive he could strand us for good or worse.” You told him.

He stared at you his eyes saying that he didn’t want you to be part of this at all, “Go…we’ll hold them off.”

You took off running. You knew this ship better than anyone and could get anywhere quickly. You skidded into the engine room breathing hard. You had to take the time drive offline before Mick got there.

“Shit…” You froze hearing him behind you. You looked back at him, “Move.”

“Mick…” You looked at him shaking your head, “You don’t want…”

“You don’t know what I want!” He shouted at you, “You’re part of the problem.”

You felt your fear creeping up on you as he got closer. You stood your ground pushing it down, “Mick, I can’t…let you do this.”

“Then I’ll remove you.” He raised his gun up toward.

“Hey!” Sara shouted from behind him, “Leave her alone.”

“Sara…” He looked back at her, “I like you…you got a lot of guts…So I’m only going to…”

The fight erupted and you turned toward the drive shutting the panel. With them dancing around you knew you wouldn’t be able to get it out slowly. You felt grab you by the hair yanking you back.

You struggled and felt him buckle sending your forward into the wall. You saw a flash in front of your eyes before you hit the ground. The burning sensation on your leg started to grow.

As your eyes snapped open you saw Mick and Sara fade away into a blur leaving you laying on the ground alone surrounded by the dark.

(uh so this is basically part one of the update today :D)

honestly like if wu had decided to take the throne of ba sing se and taken mako with him, we all know wu would’ve been like ‘maaaakooo what should i doooo’ and mako’s like ‘ugh i don’t know, invest in public infrastructure or something’ and that’s how mako becomes the secret, but true, ruler of the earth kingdom, solving crises and bored out of his mind, telling wu to stop bothering him about dancing badgermoles or whatever because he’s on the phone with fire lady izumi trying to discuss the import tariffs in this trade agreement

broodingbird replied to your post:

bi mom let me b ur bi daughter

wish granted. always carry a switch blade and a lighter, be nice but don’t let anyone walk all over you, have a good substantial meal at least twice a day, don’t ever let people guilt u into doing something and please, for the love of god, do the dishes right away so they don’t pile up

anonymous asked:

Is there an estimated release date for the nexg chapter of mwfabne ?also i love your work!!!!!!💗💖💓

Umm not sure yet ;v; I have started writing CH 16, but I had three exams this week: Wednesday, today, and another tomorrow. Next week I have no class but I am spending several days away to celebrate the 4th. We’ll see, but definitely not as long as last time. When I have some good substantial stuff, I’ll post some previews!