As a human being, you have unlimited potential. Think about it. We are the only species that is able to shape our lives with the power of our decisions. So use your mind, use your heart, and create your masterpiece.
1. Know that your heart is strong.
Breaking happens only after a lot of pressure and endurance. It wouldn’t have been able to take so much if it wasn’t strong.
2. Know that your heart will heal.
Have some faith in it. It had so much faith in you all this time even though you didn’t always make the right choices.
3. Time heals everything words cannot.
You can read this post and hundred others but what you need is time. It passes, it always does. Remember how the good times passed away?
4. You can’t get over it, you have to get through it.
It is a tunnel decorated with pictures of good times that aren’t accessible anymore. Some parts have glass shards and some have wilted flowers. You will hear echoes of laughter and loveable words but they fade away. There isn’t much light but there is light. Once you get through it, you will be able to look back and not bleed. You will be able to carry on and be happy.
5. Take your time with discarding their things. Pictures, letters, texts, gifts. It’s been a year and I still can’t do away with the letters. I don’t read them anymore but I can’t throw them out just yet. And that’s okay.
6. Don’t assume how happy they are or what kind of life it seems like they are living now. Because your Instagram may be filled with happy pictures but is your heart right now? Others are no different. Assuming will only cause you unnecessary pain and comparing will further empty your heart.
7. Your heart doesn’t need any more emptying. It needs to be filled. With your attention and care. Sign up for that yoga class. Go for that open mic. Say yes to sleeping in on Sundays and having full breakfasts.
8. Don’t talk in absolutes. Don’t say you will ‘never’ love again or will ‘never’ meet/trust someone again. Remember when you said your love was ‘forever’? Absolutes are redundant. Stop using them. Stop believing in them. Good and bad comes and goes. It’s a cycle like everything else natural.
9. Don’t bad mouth them or yourself. Don’t obsess over what you said and did and everything they didn’t. Dragging the past into your present is like tying your legs to a rock. How can you walk ahead?
10. Don’t be in a rush to forgive them. It’s okay if you aren’t ready. True forgiveness takes time. And it’s only true forgiveness that lets you genuinely move on and get out of the tunnel. Wanting to and actually being able to are two very different things.
Your lungs are functioning even though your heart may make it seem like nothing is. Run if you have to. Your legs are functioning too. Cry as much. Your cheeks and eyes won’t hate you.
You are your own person. But yet, look around you. You are connected. You are supported. There are people that surround you who love you very much. There are those who cherish you even at your weakest. Another’s love may seem invisible, unbelievable, or non existent. But yet, it is still there, and is stronger than ever.
Know your damn worth. You are worth more than somebody who doesn’t even know the fact you hate chocolate cake, or someone who doesn’t care when your day has been long. You deserve love, in its purest most desirable form, love that makes your heart flutter and makes your soul feel free. You deserve liberation from pain and you deserve complete and utter bliss. Do not settle for weak hearts and side eyes.
sun in 10th: determined to succeed, hard working, respected by others, born to lead, strong at heart, desires to influence others positively, conscious about public image, has difficulty following orders
moon in 10th: wants to be admired, unconsciously needs to fulfil ambitions, urge to contribute to social issues, nurturing, can be moody, intuitive, has a need for approval, sensitive to criticism, sympathetic to the less fortunate
jupiter in 10th: generous, mature approach towards career, highly respected by others, knowledgable, has inner strength, works hard to gain success, persevering, reliable, may find it hard to have fun/relax, tends to dismiss feedback, can be overbearing
mercury in 10th: sincere approach towards career, works best when given freedom, effective communicator, may have trouble working with others, authoritative, strong in beliefs, analytical, rational
venus in 10th: devoted, creative attributes, charming, can be materialistic, bound to be successful, has good team spirit, good people skills, wants to be honoured, values social image, confident, more logical than emotional
mars in 10th: has good management skills, political mind, serious, concerned about career and public image, driven by success, has trouble working in a group, meticulous, ambitious, may come off as cold, sarcastic humour, competitive
saturn in 10th: dominating personality, strong character, patient, feels pressured to excel, has high standards, wise, has humility, challenged by authority, fears failing, may be too controlling
uranus in 10th: has an independent nature, wants to create new things, hard working, gets bored easily, stubborn, conservative, restless in a career, needs some free will to succeed, strong willed
neptune in 10th: wants to inspire others, always searching for something more, idealistic, finds it hard to commit, sensitive to rejection, can feel lost, likes helping others, can lose confidence if efforts are not recognised
pluto in 10th: can come off as controlling, ambitious, strong, determined, perfectionist, fears the unknown, traditional, dislikes change, loves to be challenged, driven to succeed, can become consumed by career, wary of authority, secretive
aries in 10th: self image rooted in public roles, assertive, loses temper easily, authoritative, determined to be the best, can be impulsive, comfortable in the spotlight, ambitious, hard working
taurus in 10th: wants to be known for status or wealth, charming, may have trouble following orders, may be seen as materialistic, wants to reach physical/ sensual satisfaction
gemini in 10th: gets bored easily, works best in a fast paced/challenging career, ‘jack of all trades’, may be seen as childish, likes talking, may struggle to show true self to the public
cancer in 10th: cares deeply about success, wants to be looked up to, ambitious, helpful, can be too emotional, sensitive to the feelings of others, easily adapts to different situations, good planner, naturally creative, trustworthy
leo in 10th: wants to be praised, needs to shine in a career, self oriented; can be too dominating in a group, confident around others, leadership qualities, feels destined for greatness, generous, highly organised, may take criticism too personally
virgo in 10th: needs mental stimulation in a career, wants to express ideas freely, likes to write, talented at analysing, naturally critical, take commitments seriously, can see the big picture, can be blunt
libra in 10th: works best with a partner, charming, graceful, indecisive, world is centred around relationships, harmonious, conscious of social position, can make good connections, excels in a team, may become withdrawn
scorpio in 10th: dedicated to career, focused, comes across as powerful in public, can be aggressive, self motivated, excels when inspired, sympathetic, experience intense transitions; change may be hard
sagittarius in 10th: optimistic towards goals, hard working, often travels abroad for a career, may waste potential looking for a purpose, overthinks a lot, intuitive, likes to plan everything, conservative, can appear stubborn, needs independence in a career
capricorn in 10th: cautious, comes across as determined in public, takes career seriously, success comes through hard work, wants to care for others, patient, careful, not afraid of competition, needs a stable career
aquarius in 10th: innovative in a career, thinks long term, group oriented, eccentric, has the ability to find enlightenment, normally an outcast, loves learning, positive, must have freedom in a career
pisces in 10th: indecisive towards career, works well when helping others, artistic, sensitive to psychic energies, lacks practicality, introverted, struggles with change, susceptible to outside influences
Hey, I'm a new fan (your blog is very helpful to me!) and I'm trying to figure out why 14/15 season is considered such a bad season for Yuzu. I know about CoC but that was just one comp in the beginning of the season... and he did not upgrade his layout that season?... why? Could you enlighten me a bit?
Oh anon, oh anon, where to start?
Just say, if you are a new fan and you missed 14/15 season live you should count yourself lucky.
Season started with a withdrawal from Finlandia Trophy. Nothing too much worrying, just back pain probably due to a too full off-season.
Then we had Cup of Disaster and the crash with Han Yan. Let’s go through it in his own words:
“My stomach hit the ice (when I fell) and so it felt like I received a body blow. My stomach was so painful, I could not breathe and I could not get up. Then, when I tried standing up, my chin was hurting and bleeding. My head was panicking and I didn’t know exactly where all the pain was coming from.”
“When the 6-min warm-up started again, above my left knee, the sartorius muscle was really painful. I tried jumping the loop and I could somehow do it. But when I did the lutz, it was so painful, I thought ‘yabai’ (t/n. here it can mean ‘dangerous’ or ‘terrible’ or 'crap’). The axel was painful and really hard but I was standing. Quad toeloop I had a hand down and step-out, the quad salchow I rotated and fell. So I thought 'it’s alright, even though it’s painful, if I think JUMP, I can jump!’ But 'the quad toe in the 2nd half would be impossible, what should I do (to replace it)’ and immediately I thought, 'Lutz, I will jump the lutz twice.’ 'I can just go back to the same layout as last season.’ With the remaining time, I tried out that path. When the 6-min warm-up ended, I immediately told Brian, 'I will do the lutz today.’ And he responded with something like, 'Yes, I know.’ Maybe my adrenaline was fully gushing out. Even though it was very painful, just skate to the end somehow, I thought.”
“After my performance, the American doctors had prepared the things needed to do stitches for me in the massage room of the venue. With anaesthetics, my chin received 7 stitches. There was also a cut on my head, and that part received 3 staples without anaesthesia. The staples were really painful! That night, my chin and my head and my leg and my stomach were hurting so much; the next day, I took the plane back to Japan for a medical examination, it was hell. (wry smile) The plan to return to Toronto was changed and he returned to Japan. In the hospital in Japan, the results of the medical examination was 'head contusion (or bruise), chin contusion, abdominal contusion, left thigh contusion, right ankle sprain’, 2 to 3 weeks needed for full recovery.
3 weeks after Cup of Disaster, and just few days after he started again to practice, NHK came up.
After Cup of China, a week later, the pain was still there; I could not walk for about 10 days. When I was able walk a little, I tried going onto the ice. It was too painful and I thought, NHK Trophy is surely impossible.” In the end, the final decision was made after entering the venue for NHK Trophy.
Without having been on the ice the way he had wanted, facing the competition, he had no choice but to change the layout that he was aiming for this season. After somehow qualifying for GPF, he started to train again 100%, but his conditions and the little time didn’t allow for any layout change.
In Barcelona, somewhen after SP he started feeling pain again, this time to his abdomen:
But after the short programme, my stomach started to have some pain. When I press or stretch, it’s heavy, painful, a muscle ache kind of pain. So I thought, 'Is there some damage to the muscle tissue?’ But when I finished the free skate, there was lump below my navel, like a pingpong ball, 'how strange’ I thought. After I boarded the plane, my navel swelled up. During the flight, it was so painful that I could not sleep. I went straight to the hospital for a check and was told it could be ‘Urachal Remnant’. Because the symptoms were not that bad yet, I was given antibiotics. With that, I returned home to Sendai. Then, before I had a bath, I saw that my navel had become a bulging lump. And after about 5 minutes, it burst! A lot of blood and pus gushed out.
That’s why, the period going towards Japan Championships was the same as the period before NHK Trophy, I didn’t know if I could skate. I went to the hospital and was told it’s Urachal Remnant Disorder and surgery is needed. But because I have Japan Championships, I could not have the surgery anytime soon. 'If I can bear with it, I will go for nationals,’ I thought. It was not necessary to tell people about the urachal remnant, and also it was not relevant, I wanted to go for nationals. But it was painful to bend forward and backward.
The wound was covered by gauze but blood kept oozing out and it got onto my clothes every time. To prevent it from staining my costume, on top of the gauze, the tape used was not normal tape but the kind that’s for taping. The gauze also chafed. It was painful.” The urachus connects the navel and the bladder in the fetal period; the urachal remnant started to fester and the disorder worsened but only a few people around him knew about this.
As you see, once again to change layout to the original one was impossible. He won Nationals. The next day he withdrew from Gala and was admitted in hospital instead.
“Pus was oozing out continuously. I thought, 'after nationals, I will have the surgery immediately. If not, I won’t be in time for World Championships.’ I was told that I can’t move for 2 months after the surgery.”
(Just because I feel the need of you to read a bit of horror story more):
“For the epidural anaesthesia, a catheter was inserted in my back; the alcohol used for disinfection was strong and I reacted to it/ developed a rash. After surgery, my back was itching and itching. In the stomach area, there was also a tube to drain the blood so that it does not accumulate. This was pierced through my navel and it was extremely painful. Ah~, it hurts now when I think of it. I also could not turn over. It was hard. Then later, I was injected with antibiotics and I had an allergic reaction; my whole body broke out in hives (urticaria). Really, all sorts of things happened. But thankfully, now half a year has passed and I am fine.”
He spent New Year in hospital. Some weeks later he was back in Sendai.
He wasn’t supposed to train for quite a while, but by the end of January it was reported he was back on ice.
Too soon, not ready, he twisted his ankle soon after. He had to take other weeks off and his recovery was delayed once again.
Up till Worlds there were contradicting news about his partecipation. He didn’t return to Toronto, he remained in Japan training alone in Sendai. To upgrade his layouts to the supposed versions (3A // 4T 3Lz3T and 4S 4T 3F // 4T3T 3A2T 3Alo3S 3Lo 3Lz) was impossible.
During Worlds time, it was reported he was still suffering from an infection to his abdomen (reports were not clear, tho) and for sure he did worsen his recovery by trying alternative methods (like trying to cut off his stitches with scissors, because they… itched. Itched.). He skated at that WC on a very tentative condition, he had some issue still at “contracting” his abdominal muscles to push rotation. And it’s not by chance that after such a season, with so many troubles, he decided to skate to Parisienne Walkaways during WTT Gala
In short, that’s what happened in 2014/15 season. That’s the reason he didn’t upgrade his layout from the previous one and that’s the reason 2014/15 is considered a nightmare season by many fans.