Bury My Soul Six Feet Under
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He feels as though he is breaking, shattering, cracking at the edges. He lost the one person who has always been there. Octavia. His sister, his responsibility.
He screams, the sound ripped from his lungs as he contemplates the world without his baby sister. Without her.
He failed. He failed. He failed. He’s alone.
There’s no universe without her and he now understands Achilles’s rage. He’s never been so broken and the only way he doesn’t kill himself is the image of Echo and Roan and all the other Ice Nation, gurgling blood as they choke from his bullets. Him dragging to Echo where his sister fell, slowly killing and making it hurt. He wants her blood, he wants her screams. He wants to make her beg for mercy and then throw her off the cliff. She doesn’t deserve a good death.
Octavia, dying, breathing her last alone. No, he can’t think about that, the image is so impossible. She’s so full of life, his baby sister. Ever since the day she came wailing into the world, looking at him and keeping him tethered to this world when the burden, the loneliness became to much.
He taught her how to read, how to write, how to chart the stars, using the stories from times gone by. He cast her as the women that were powerful, that were independent, that changed the world and goddamn it she should have had that chance. She should’ve been able to alter the course of the universe just as quickly as she wormed her way into people’s hearts.
She deserves the world he could never quite give her. The one where she got to stay the girl who played with butterflies instead of the one who had his blood on his knuckles. She should’ve loved and laughed and shined brighter than anyone he ever knew.
Tears drip as he struggles to breath, remembering the first time she ever said his same. Bell-a-me she’d struggled to say, asking for a story one night while their mother was away. That was first time he’d told her the story of Augustus and Octavia and the glories of Rome.
She’d always been burned into his heart, the one point of that would always point him home. Did he even have a home? How does he get there?
There’s nothing in the world without her, the colors have dimmed, and his heart seems to be running on rage.
Her words, the last words she’d ever said to just him seem to pound against his mind as he dragged someone. To be used as a bargaining chip against the only other person he loves enough to give up everything for. His heart was always a weakness, Roan knows that and he wants to scream but his heart is ripped in half, laying bloody beside the sword back in the cell.
In her own way, she’d said she loved him, still. After he let monsters crawl in and make a home in him. After his hands were so red with blood that they stained the water. After his soul was torn to shreds.
She can’t be gone. Until he is forced to bury her himself, he won’t fully accept a world without his sister. The hope takes root and he feels himself calming down, Octavia always took whatever challenge the world threw at her like it was personal attack on her, she’d survive. She’s survived much worse.
His lips twist into a snarl, if she really is gone, when he’s finished the entire Ice Nation will be a smoking ruin and Achilles will be surpassed in the whispers and warnings of the world about how dangerous love is.