I Need To Get This Out There

I have severe eczema all over my body, including my face.  There are few things that people do/ say that drive me mental.  Let’s go:


You think this would be common fucking sense, but NOPE!  The amount of fucking stares I get when I am minding my own business is unbelievable.  Imagine if you got a really bad hair cut and everywhere you went people were staring at you.  Even when you catch them staring they continue to do so.  It makes you feel like you are two inches.  Now multiply that feeling by 10 and that is what people with eczema feel like.

2) Do Not Point it Out

Yes I know it is there, I can feel it.  I ask you: What good does it do to point it out?  It is not dirt; I cannot just wipe it off to get rid of it.  This also adds to the anxiety that eczema causes and it is flat out rude.

3) Do Not Say: “It’s gross!” or “It looks painful!” or “It looks dry!” etc.

Look I know how it looks like to the public.  I cannot help how it looks.  Trust me it looks gross to me as well.  However, there is nothing I can do to really change how it looks or how long the recovery takes.  Plus, it is painful and no amount of pain-killers will get rid of the pain.

4) “You should cover it up!” 

HAHAHAHAHA! It is not that fucking simple man! First of all, eczema heats up really quickly.  If someone is the cover the area the eczema will burn said person, until it hits the cold.  Secondly, if they were to put say foundation on it both of these scenarios will happen.  When eczema is covered, the patch will look hella dry.  All it will do is make it look less inflamed rather than be a solution.  Let’s say that the person has a lot of makeup skills to make it look invisible, makeup will still hinder it.  like covering it up with cloth, the eczema will burn underneath causing the flare to worsen.

5) “You should try this (insert over the counter drug/natural ‘remedy’)”

At this point just shut the fuck up.  Let’s start with the drug argument shall we.  Do you honestly think I would not be keeping tabs on new products and not testing them out.  I know of pretty much all of the drugs out there and they do not work.  Correction, they work for those who are extremely mild or for people who think they have eczema when they don’t and only have a normal rash.  all those creams do is num the itch so you don’t scratch.  They do not stop it!  Now for the natural “remedy” crap.  Let’s get this clear,  THERE IS NO FUCKING CURE FOR ECZEMA!  For those who says “I used this all natural mixture/oil/whatever that my alchemist recommended and it cured my/baby’s/whoever eczema” That is all fucking bullshit!  Like with the over the counter, it more or less nums it.  A lot of the ingredients they use are mild moisturizers.  Now moisturizers are need to help the healing process of a flare, but like I said before, there is no cure.  These moisturizers just get rid of the dryness which prevents spread, not riding the body of it.  With this said, these moisturizers (more or less they are oil based) are mild.  These oils are primarily used in adding into things like steroid creams.  It adds to the moisture content on top of the pre-moisturized area and working power of the steroid. This argument drives me more nuts than the over the counter one because of my Teta. I know they are trying to help, but you are not a doctor, do not try to act as one.

6. “Have you tried taking cold showers?” or “Have you tried moisturizing?”

Of course I have! I personally hate cold showers, but because of the eczema, it is the only option I have unless I want it to spread.  It is one of the advices you receive from the doctor along with the application of moisturizers once your eczema starts flaring. 


No shit sherlock! I know they are bad for you, however they are all I have right now.  There is no other way to really treat it currently without harmful medication.  So unless you are researching a cure for eczema, do not preach to me about how bad they are and what they may cause, because I already know.


I already know that.  However, it is a mental issue.  Role-play time again!  Imagine that you have a feather lightly going over your skin.  After a while, you want to bat it away.  Now imagine if you were not allowed to bat it away.  It would eventually dive you nuts and you will knock it way.  Again multiply that feeling by ten and that is what a person with eczema had to deal with.  The point of which we need to scratch is our breaking point.  Eczema legit will drive us mad, to the point we will do anything to stop it, even if it means worsening it.

Those are only some of the thing people with eczema have to deal with.  I probably missed a tone of comments that drive us nuts.  If you know of someone with eczema DO NOT do/say these things to them.  If you have some things that dives you nuts feel free to add.  If you do not have eczema and have questions please feel free to ask me.

Please fire me. I am sure my next workplace would love to know you wrote me up for giving a man, who was going into anaphylactic shock, some benadryl.  Yep, it says “dealing drugs” in the write up.

“He doesn’t get injured, because he is on drugs”

So today I was at the gym talking to one of my friends. He told me that the floor under one of the squat racks was uneven.

I’ve been squatting there several times and I never really noticed until he told me. He also said he got small injuries because of it.

At this point of the conversation, I quickly get to the fountain to get water. Then when I came back my friend looked me straight in the eyes and asked me “Honestly, have you ever taken steroids?”. So I naturally said no, but I was confused why he asked me this question.

Then I noticed he was talking to a guy who I particularly don’t talk to. When I said no, he turned to him and said “I told you he was not on it”. Apparently, while I was at the fountain this guy told him ​“He doesn’t get injured, because he is on drugs”.

It’s not the first time someone thought I was on steroid. It’s funny how 4 years of consistent hard work can do and my physique is not that impressive. I’m not planning on doing steroids, ever. Unless I’m 50 and my doctor tells me I need it.

I don’t think drugs should be taboo. We’re in an industry where most professional “have” to take them to be competitive. I’m not here to judge, people do whatever they want with their bodies.

When I was younger and I remember thinking about taking them: mainly because my friend were using them. I remember being dedicated 24/7 to this lifestyle, outworking everyone I knew. But they would always be bigger / leaner / stronger … than me. That was very irritating.

Then after years of training, I realized that fitness is not just about being the most muscular guy in the room. It’s about being the best I can be and have a healthy relationship with my mind and my body.

The bottom line is don’t do steroids, they’re bad for you and don’t judge people who do them it’s a waste of your time.


A few pics from our trip to Monticello! The humid southern air has been great for my skin. Still not normal but getting closer. :) feeling much more alive and happy during our vacation. And sleeping at night!!! Waking up before 10am! It’s a miracle!

Today I did struggle with pain on my thighs and behind my knees. I was having trouble walking so I took a Vicodin but even then it was still tender and a bit of pain. Hoping for that symptom to be gone tomorrow!

First head cold post surgery

A few days after my third check-up with the ENT, I came down with a cold. I figured this would be a good test, but I was hoping I wouldn’t get sick for a few months after the surgery. Instead, it was a few weeks. The cold was not as bad as I had in the past, because the sinus pressure was noticeably less than at other times. The right ear pressure, which was always a problem, hardly existed. Unfortunately, there was a lot of fluid and pressure in my left ear. It was to the point I could hardly hear anything out of that ear, except for a loud ringing.

I called the ENT’s office on a Sunday afternoon. The answering service took my message and the on-call doctor returned my call within a few minutes. I told him the situation with my ear and that I was just a few weeks past my surgery. He said the symptoms sounded as if the ear could be infected, but without seeing me, he couldn’t say for sure. To be safe, he prescribed me an antibiotic and told me to follow up with my doctor when he gets back in town. I told him I had an appointment scheduled for Friday.

The antibiotic helped a little. I also began taking generic Sudafed and Mucinex to see if that helped. It might have, but not much. By Wednesday, the pressure in my left ear was a little bit less and I could “hear” the fluid sloshing around. If I bent forward, with my head down, I could feel the ear open up.

I went to my ENT appointment Friday afternoon. He looked in my ears. The right one was fine, the left one had a lot of fluid, but was not infected. The doctor got a little pressure gadget so he could try to “pop the seal” on the left side. I had to get some water in my mouth and swallow it as he shot little bursts of air up one nostril while he kept the other one closed. We did this six times - four on the left side and two on the right. I could feel a difference right away, but not complete relief.

To do the rest of the job, the doctor prescribed me a six-day steroid regimen and got me back on the Nasonex nose spray. He said the combination of the two would finish the process of opening things up. It did work by the third or fourth day.

The Nasonex will continue for a year, as he told me around the time of the surgery. I’m glad I get to use it, because I can tell a difference with it. In addition to that, the ENT told me to keep up the nose irrigation and the saline spray and ointment, but I could cut down on the number of times I use the ointment to at least three times per day. My next appointment was set for a month out.

Side Effect: "Inappropriate Happiness"

I couldn’t help but to copy this from another blog:

So, this is awesome…

What side effects can this medication cause?

Prednisone may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:
difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
inappropriate happiness
extreme changes in mood
changes in personality
bulging eyes
thin, fragile skin
red or purple blotches or lines under the skin
slowed healing of cuts and bruises
increased hair growth
changes in the way fat is spread around the body
extreme tiredness
weak muscles
irregular or absent menstrual periods
decreased sexual desire
increased sweating

Some side effects can be serious. If you experience any of the following symptoms, call your doctor immediately:

vision problems
eye pain, redness, or tearing
sore throat, fever, chills, cough, or other signs of infection
loss of contact with reality
muscle twitching or tightening
shaking of the hands that you cannot control
numbness, burning, or tingling in the face, arms, legs, feet, or hands
upset stomach
irregular heartbeat
sudden weight gain
shortness of breath, especially during the night
dry, hacking cough
swelling or pain in the stomach
swelling of the eyes, face, lips, tongue, throat, arms, hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs
difficulty breathing or swallowing


The bold are my own “side effects”. To think that before I figured it was only because I have a disease. I mean, where is the line between Prednisone “extreme tiredness” and “rheumatoid fatigue”. I wish I could run into some “inappropriate happiness”. Sounds trippy. As far as the more serious ones, I didn’t want to admit to “depression” or “sudden weight gain”. “Loss of contact with reality” really made me laugh because again, I didn’t really want to admit to it. I’m glad they took the dosage of this stuff down. I hope everything else works to make up for the “normal” feeling this drug can give you for at least a good couple days.

Topical steroid withdrawal progression

I just want to show you guys with pictures exactly how my skin has progressed over the last few months. 

Starting with the 25th of january this year:

This was just a pretty ordinary flare up, someone suggested that i use ‘algoo’ so i did and it actually started clearing up, but i made the rookie mistake of using a steroid cream along side it to make it clear up the little bit quicker. On the 28th of january my skin had cleared up looked like this:

I was happy that it had worked. I carried on using the algoo and i used the steroids for a few more days and then stopped. About a week after stopping i noticed the eczema come back, so i just used them again for a day of two. But this just kept happening until the 20th of February when the steroids just wouldn’t work anymore and my eczema got progressively worse after using them. This was the 20th of Feb:

I had no idea what was going on but decided not to use steroids and that’s when i did some research on withdrawal and found I knew it was going to get worse, but i really did not expect it to be as unbearable as it was. The next day i woke up with my eyes swollen shut. My face had swollen up and was bright red. My skin constantly weeped and crusted over. Every movement was painful, my skin was so hot that you could feel the heat from hovering over it. I went through ice pack after ice pack but nothing could soothe the pain. I couldn’t sleep, my glands were swollen, i could hardly eat, i could barley see. I went through so much moisturiser as i used it every few minutes! My skin retained no moisture and needed to be constantly covered in emollient. I used 50/50 white soft paraffin because it is so greasy and didn’t sting when i put it on. This is one of the only photos i have from this because i could not bare to look at myself:

The swelling lasted about a week and then it went down. But my skin still weeped and was bright red and painful. I couldn’t go out or do anything, i just go so depressed. 

Then it got so much worse. Eczema Herpecticum struck. This isn’t a typical thing to happen during steroid withdrawal and is in fact a rare condition where the herpes virus (the same one that causes coldsores) infects the eczema. 

 I was hospitalised for 6 days and it sucked so bad. I was in so much pain i can’t even describe it. It was worse that withdrawal. I spent the first night in hospital screaming and screaming and nobody could help me. Nobody knew what to do all they could do was give me painkillers which didn’t stop the burning pain i felt. 

I was in such a state of desperation that i used the steroid cream that the hospital dermatologist prescribed me (even after i explained what had happened last time i used them..she said it could not have been because of the steroids, fucking bitch) I used them and everything started getting better. 


I got discharged from hospital and continued to use the steroid cream as the dermatologist had told me to and then stopped a few days later as she had instructed. My skin looked weird and plastic, but my eczema had gone so i was happy. I thought maybe i was wrong about steroids and it had just been an allergy to something but then BOOM

 On the 30th of march, 8 days after i was discharged from hospital, i woke up with a lovely swollen face. I went through the same horror and pain as the first time and in all honesty i just wanted to die. I didn’t get out of bed for days, i just did nothing. Going through it once is bad enough, but twice plus eczema herpecticum is just so emotionally draining i just couldn’t cope. 

Thankfully, the second time was over much quicker than the first. My face was swollen for three days and then i just had to deal with my weeping neck. Everyday was a struggle, but i’ve made it to where i am now because i knew that it could get better. 

It’s been two months since i was in hospital and this is what my face looks like now:

It’s still not perfect, but it’s so much better. i can go out and i feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. 

My arms are the worst at the moment, they are dry and red, but too be honest - i dont give a fuck. My face is clear and i’m happy for now. 

Anyone else going through steroid withdrawal, just remember it does get better. It may seem hopeless at times, but stick it out because you will have awesome skin at the end of it. 

i want to thank all of you guys for all your love and support throughout all of this, its really helping. I wish you all the best of luck and hope that your eczema fucks off! 


Holy shit. I have remembered a detail about my IC recovery incorrectly. I only discovered this because I was reading through all my IC posts. I 

I got Dexamethasone in my instillations, not Kenalog. It’s important because it’s way stronger. 

Anyway, please read my shit about how I ended my IC. From a completely selfish standpoint, I do not want everything I went through to be in vain. 

At least read and consider my posts. I am IC free and have been for just shy of a year. 

스테로이드 리그!!

메이저리그 = 스테로이드 리그..

메이저리그의 약물 복용과 관련 된 선수 명단이 발표 됐다고 하데.. 미첼 보고서라고…      명단에는 거물급 현역 선수도 상당수 있다고 하던데.., 기존 본즈 외에 클레맨스도 이 명단에 들어 있다고 하더군!!      클레맨스와 관련 해서는 공청회를 개최해서 그의 증언을 따로 듣겠다고 하던데.., 명단 발표 이후 반응이 본즈완 사뭇 다른 기운!!!      실예로 명단에 들어 있는 현역 선수 몇몇에게는 클레맨스 처럼 의견이 분분하고 다른 견해가 많다고 한다데… 웬지.. 미운 털 제대로 박힌 본즈만 죽어나는 듯한 형국..ㅋㅋ