I kid you not. My final essay for my English class is to argue why the main character in a movie we watched is gay. Literally, that is the prompt.
My professor is making me write an essay on gay subtext. MY ESSAY IS FOR ME TO RANT ABOUT WHAT I RANT ABOUT ON TUMBLR ON A DAILY BASIS. My professor thought she was challenging us? Bitch I analyze homoerotic subtext in my sleep.

  • Person A: *holding person B's face between their hands and squeezing*
  • Person B: Will you please stop squishing my face?
  • Person A: Nope
  • Person B: Why?
  • Person A: At the beginning it was because I wanted to see how ridiculous you would look like this but instead you still manage to look adorable and pretty and now I want to keep holding you because your skin feels nice
  • Person B: ...
  • Person B: These are the moments where half of me is asking why I fell for you and the other half is wondering how could I have lived without you for so long

person C: hey, are you free on Friday? like, around 8 pm on Friday?
person B: yes?
person C: what about you?
person A: yes, i am
person C: great! because i’m not. you two go on without me. enjoy your date
person B: did he just-

  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>Me in the shower:</b> *writes a novel, its prequel and 5 sequels in 6 different languages. The words flow perfectly. Its plot is intricate. The characters are complex and 3D. It's heartwarming and tear jerking. It's perfect. The flowers are blooming. The bees are saved. There is world peace.*<p/><b>Me the second i leave the shower:</b> h o w 2 eNgLiSH<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
  • Person B: Quick! I need you to act like you're in love with me!
  • Person A: What?
  • Person B: I just saw this asshole from work, that still doesn't believe I'm in a relationship, coming this way, so... act like you're madly in love with me!
  • Person A: ... but I AM madly in love with you, though I'm starting to reconsider it
  • Person B: *whining* But I need you to really show it! I know! Get on one knee and propose to me!
  • Person A: I literally just asked you to marry me last week
  • Person B: And? Do it again!
  • Person A: You're unbelievable
  • Person B: I know, so propose to me again before I ask someone else to do it
Some AUS I want to see

“We’re supposed to be doing a school project so you came over to my house but before we could do anything, you saw my dog and now you won’t let them go please we need to get this done.”

“My dumb ass of a room mate just set the microwave on fire and you’re one of the firemen who showed up and now I’m need an ambulance cause damn ur hot.”

“My dick of an ex was trying to knock down my door but you stopped them thank you so much. Let me make you thank you brownies.”

“I was chilling in my room when you knocked on my window asking me if I could come kill a spider for you. I LIVE ON THE FIFTH FLOOR HOW WAS THE WINDOW A GOOD IDEA TO YOU.”