Sir John A Macdonald: Don’t fight Macdonald. You will lose. He’s Scottish and drunk and probably would throw a whiskey bottle through your head. He would absolutely fight dirty. You don’t build a country without fighting dirty.
Alexander Mackenzie: You could probably take Mackenzie, but he was a builder as a young man, so it wouldn’t be a cakewalk.
John Abbott: The first of the PMs nobody can name. I mean, sure, go for it, but nobody will know who you’re talking about when you win.
John Thompson: He was overweight enough that he died in office from a heart attack. You’d win, feel bad, AND nobody would know who you were talking about.
Mackenzie Bowell: Make a poop joke about his last name. He’d kick your ass, but it would be funny.
Charles Tupper: He may have only been PM for 69 days, but if you made a crack about his neckbeard, he’d probably lose it and beat you in a rage. Not worth it.
Wilfrid Laurier: Fight Laurier. Get him talking about a grand vision for Canada and drop him in the gut. You can win this one.
Robert Borden: You might lose to Borden, but wouldn’t it feel good to sock someone who ran under “A White Canada” in the mouth?
Arthur Meighen: Absolutely fight Meighen. Meighen looks like he has never worked a day with his hands. Tell him he was one of the least effective Prime Ministers and then Winnipeg Strike his ass.
William Mackenzie King: Oh man, this would not go well. Built like a brick wall and he would probably summon up ghosts. He’d tell you it he’d want to fight in English and deny it in French, and he’d just absorb whatever you threw at him.
R. B. Bennett: Remind him he is considered the worst Prime Minister this country has ever seen. He’ll go off and sulk in England and you’ll win by default.
Louis St. Laurent: I mean, I guess you could fight St. Laurent. You’d probably win, but nobody seems to feel strongly about him on pretty much anything, so is it worth it?
John Diefenbaker: Don’t fight Dief. Dief the Chief would go into some wild prairie prophet trance and would keep on hitting you long after you stopped moving. And if you somehow won, you’d then have to deal with all of Saskatchewan seeking revenge. Laugh now, but even if you can see them coming for three days, they will never, ever stop.
Lester B. Pearson: Why would you fight Mike Pearson? What kind of person would see that bowtie and Nobel Peace Prize and want to fight? You’d win and you would feel horrible.
Pierre Trudeau: DO NOT FIGHT TRUDEAU. Pierre isn’t a big man, but he’s all wiry muscle and insouciance. He’d probably have a knife under his rose and he would hit you with a saucy quip as you lay bleeding on the floor.
Joe Clark: What did Joe ever do to you? Go fight Mulroney instead.
John Turner: You could take Turner, he’d have no option.
Brian Mulroney: You think Mulroney would be a fighter, but that chin is made of glass. Everybody in Atlantic Canada would help you, and it would bring the country together.
Kim Campbell: Again, why would you fight Campbell? She wasn’t PM long enough to do anything. Fight Mulroney.
Jean Chretien: DO NOT FIGHT CHRETIEN. DO. NOT. FIGHT. CHRETIEN. When Chretien was a child, he started a new semester by finding the biggest kid in his grade and beating the shit out of him. You’re lucky if all he does is give you the Shawinigan Handshake. He will fight hard, he will fight dirty, and he will destroy you.
Paul Martin: Tell him that his legacy is overshadowed by Chretien. Easy win.
Stephen Harper: You’d think this would be an easy win, but Harper is like 6″2′. If you got the drop on him, you could lay him out, but if you got him mad enough he would probably snap and channel all that rage he’s been holding in into a flailing fury.
Justin Trudeau: He’s young, athletic, and a boxer. In a fair fight he’d go into his yoga trance and beat you. Use dirty tactics. Be careful that he does not seduce you instead.
Back in 2015, Canadians were all so worried about our election and like cutting off friendships over Trudeau vs. Harper (I participated too ain’t gonna lie) but like… now that there’s Hitler #2 running our southern neighbours… I think we can all collectively say that neither Trudeau or Harper are really that bad….
My boyfriend’s idea for the greatest Canadian movie ever: Prime Minister Justin Trudeau must ask an old friend for help, Brendon Lumberjack, just your average car mechanic. All the Canada is taken out of Canadian things, the poutine is just fries, the moose have turned into horses, the maple syrup is corn syrup. Only Brendon Lumberjack, the most patriotic man with heightened Canadian senses can figure out who’s trying to destroy Canada. It’s Stephen Harper, who’s really Steve-Bot, a robot that wants to destroy Canada. Brendon Lumberjack must face off with Steven Harper on a one on one short stick hockey game. The fate of Canada and timbits rests on Brendon Lumberjack’s shoulders.
This incident happened in 2011, but I would say it’s more important than ever: under the notorious Canadian Prime Minster Stephen Harper, Fox News tried to move into Canada. What stopped them? The Canadians refused to repeal their law against lying on broadcast news. (source article here) No, seriously. That’s all it took for Fox News to lose interest.
America once had a similar truth-in-news law on the books, the Fairness Doctrine, which was quietly repealed by Ronald Regan in 1987. Since then, American news has become less and less reliable, and well… more like Russian propaganda-based news services.
What I take away from this is, read news about America from allied countries that still have laws against lying in the news.
Interviewer: Stephen Harper said that after a decade [of him] in power we wouldn’t recognize the country, and I wonder what your goal is for what Canada will look like after 4 years of a Trudeau government.
I don’t much like the niqab, and I wish people wouldn’t wear it. But what I like even less is telling people what to do. If we’re hearing that it’s a symbol of oppression and we shouldn’t let their husbands and their brothers tell them what to wear, how is that any different from letting Jason Kenney tell them what to wear?
Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi on Harper’s divisive stance on the Niqab